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confused

Survived mom's visit, mostly

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My mother came out to visit for my daughter's graduation and stayed for some days, not quite a week. We don't always get along, but we did pretty well this time. Really well, actulally, for us. We don't argue, she just is cold and I get quiet usually and it is awkward.

i am working as a peer mentor at an activity center for others with mi. I took her to see my work. She started talking about how wonderful it is that things like this are available now and that when my brother was very symptomatic in the late 70s-80s there wasn't much. She told me she went to one place that was terrible and that one hospital stay helped him (over 6 years) and that she did all she could. 

None of us did all we could. Mainly, because my father was a narcissist and contrilled everything and had convinced my brother that psychiatric care was barbaric and that there was nothing wrong with him. It is pretty hard ti get someone treatment if they don't want it. But, my mom fed into his delusions. She would talk about the cults that he said brainwashed him and tell me neighbors to avoid because they were part of the cult. It was scary. 

Now, she and my father are martyrs who did all they could, and I call bullshit.

i threw up in my mouth a little when she said it, but I didn't say anything. 

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I am working on forgiving and not being so bitter.

I know my mom has a lot of anxiety and my father was controlling. She may have truly felt helpless. I am trying to have some compassion.

I know if I can forgive her it will make it easier to forgive others, and myself.

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