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PurplePaisley

Trying to be a friend

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Have been working at a friendship for the past year.  Recently my patience has grown very thin and thinking she may have a "shelf-life". 

Yesterday I had a very important doctors appt with my sleep medicine doctor that I could not miss.  I am prone to migraine that makes me to ill to do anything for 3 days.  Anyway, keeping that in mind, my friend, let's say her name is Ann, while having lunch at her home, tells me to check out her new pen as it has a new feature she wants to show me and points a LED beam directly into my eyes, hours before my appt, then immediately says she's sorry.  Last month the day before my MRI she asks me to her home to show me a surprise, I arrive to find a similiar situation where she flashes a harsh light right into my eyes, followed by another apology.  Now she knows about the importance of my doctors appts and she knows that I suffer from debilitating migraine and she's a former nurse to add that to the pile of things.  It's happened 4 times in the past 2 months the day before an important doctors appt.  I know she's in her 80's, and I am trying to understand about forgetfulness, but I'm beginning to wonder if this is deliberate.

I have been wanting to go to this flower nursery since last November.  I don't drive anymore, so I depend upon others for transportation.  I have asked her repeatedly if she will take me and we have never made it there.  I am starting a new hobby of tropical fish and wanted to see the size of a fish tank and we were driving by a local pet store and I asked her if we could swing in there so I could see what the size of a 5 gallon fish tank is and she said no.  We stopped at a local farm looking for produce and found they were closed down, but there were horses lined up at the fence and I asked if she could stop so I could see the horses (I am crazy about horses), she said no and off we zoomed.  I have been wanting to pick up some lobster and last week we drove right past this lobster wholesale place and I asked her to stop in there so I could check out this place and she refused.  Then................, we pull up at a local hardware store for her to get some nails and she told me to stay in the car as I would only slow her down in the store.  It was 90 degrees outside......... what was she thinking? Coming home from a blood test, she had to stop to do some shopping and I told her I wasn't feeling well and wanted to go straight home after the blood test but I went in with her anyway. I felt faint in the store and had to leave.  She got mad and accused me of interfering with her shopping by pretending I was going to faint.

Ann just blasted me by texting just moments ago me accusing me of "why must you attribute thoughts or feelings to me that dwell in your mind from your unhappy past and not in mine  I am disappointed that you trust me so little and rank me with the worst you tell me of the people here. Will you always have so little faith in me. I'm sorry".  Something triggered her that I said and it sent her into a rage, which I am finding more and more with her, this is just a taste of how she treats me.

I took her keys and returned them to her front door and blocked her telephone number and texting from reaching me. 

This has been a year long friendship of hardwork, I was willing to go the extra mile but when she throws up my childhood abuse history at me like this, there's no taking that back.  I'm sick, just sick of loosing her as a friend but then I am attracted to those that abuse me, so I have to look at myself now to figure this out to learn from it. 

I don't know why no one is reaching out to me, so will consider this a closed topic, thank you for your interest anyway :)

Adding additional thoughts:

I am leaving a reply to myself. Have been thinking about what I wrote and in hindsight, I am seeing that all along Ann has been abusive towards me, verbally. She has shown very little interest in getting to know me, it's all about my sitting and listening to her reminisce about her 80+ years. When I would start to share my history with her, she would cut me off and start talking about her never coming back to me. When I brought over one photo album and turned one page, she pulled out 6 photo albums and placed them directly on top of mine and showing no interest in what I wanted to show her, went thru her photo albums. She would also show me poison pen letters she sent to relatives, scathing hateful letters and of course, she eventually started to send these to me. What more could I expect from her and me too. I was living my past with her, I was living my life with my mother who abused me.

Now knowing I was seeking out an abusive relationship and breaking it off sent me back 20 years when I walked away from my mother. I never saw her again. Ann provided some transportation and some companionship for me, it was better than nothing, but the ending was very traumatic for me. Now I have no one to take me places and no companionship. So, I sit here alone today wallowing in self pity in my own misery trying to find comfort somewhere. I thought I was thru with allowing people in to hurt me.

Thanks for listening.

Purple

 

Edited by PurplePaisley
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It sounds like a good thing you ended the relationship even if it is a loss as well. I've had problems too, choosing friends who weren't the best, so I do know how that can happen. It's not the easiest thing to find new friends but for me, trying to find new is better than the destructive aspects of some friendships. Transportation can be tricky, I don't know if buses or ride services are an option. Here there's a van service for elderly or some others but that may not be common. I hope you can find a new friend who treats you better, you deserve a real friend. 

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