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I'm currently a first year community college student (age 19). I should be out having fun with friends and enjoying life...but instead I'm here. 

Lately ive come to realize that I am extremely tired of life. Everything about it is boring and I'm no longer able to put much effort into doing fun stuff. 

I guess I've always been a little off. It feels like it's been since middle school where I just sort of went trough the motions. But I was mainly hating on school. It really began in my first year of high school but I was somehow able to push through it (somehow). But now I'm starting my life, and ive never felt worst. 

Im in no way suicidal (so pls don't recommend hotlines etc. ). But I'm also not happy with my life. And being overall depressed. I find myself worrying  about everything.  

My mom, grandma, dog dying

my grades(they aren't great)

my career

will I be able to make enough money to be comfortable in life. 

When will I meet someone

It easy to say death is inevitable, work hard and you'll get good grades, career paths take awhile and often change, you will probably make an ok amount of money in life, and there is always someone out there for you. 

But in reality nobody knows... which is ok, but it's the reason why I can't help but worry and be afraid. 

I know longer find anything fun. Going to Catalina island with visiting friends? NOPE.  Even if I start out slightly excited I loose interest fast. Getting my new car? Yes I love it and it's amazing but now I'm worried about the payments and if it was the right idea(it's a lease tho). 

 

Im tired of:

trying to crack a smile 

trying hard in school but still get bad grades

trying to keep being friends with high school classmates that don't try or even ones that do

trying to work and put on a happy face

My mom has depression, but she doesn't know how bad mine is. And I'm not going to be able to tell her anytime soon (I just can't...not yet). 

I compare myself to other friends  one who are working hard, doing good in school, have a boyfriend, and seem overall happy (I'm aware they may not be.. but 80% they are)  

I know I shouldn't compare myself to them cause I'm my own person. One day I'll have my life together etc. but I can't help it, at least not for awhile, not while I'm still feeling like this. 

Im going to start seeing a counselor (I hope it helps). I'm tired of not finding anything fun, and feeling that my life won't amount to much. I'm tired of being tired. 

Edited by Llamperouge3

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I'm bi-polar type 2 and I'm currently in a very similar mindset.

 

It only happens when i'm in a moderate or severe depression. For me the feelings always eventually go away, sometimes lasting 3-5 months.

 

Do you have a psychiatrist and are you taking a medication? It can really help a lot, even at low dosages. I've had some success with effexor when I was younger, prozac for a while, and wellbutrin when I had a particularly bad crash.

If you have uni-polar depression, I believe anti-depressants can be very effective. If you show symptoms of both intense ups and downs, and discover you are bi-polar with your doctor, mood stabiliziers are really what matters. I've had the most success with Lamictal, and am now trying to add a low dose of Latuda. It's only been a week and I've noticed a little improvement.

 

Don't be afraid of trying medication. There are times in life we get depressed and it's appropriate and situational. There are other times where it can be mostly brain chemistry.

Humans have fragile bodies and minds and something can go a little haywire, with no fault of your own.

You wouldn't expect a person with diabetes to "suck it up" without insulin, and you shouldn't fight moderate to severe depression alone.


Comparing ourselves to others is natural, but the more you experience, the more you realize that all that matters is your health and happiness. 

I'm 31 and I was perfectly healthy till your age (19) and had a crash. It was my worst one and while others afterwards have been horrible, I could always take solace in the fact that I made it through the first BIG one and no matter how much "right now" sucks, I know eventually it will end and I can better prepare myself in case it returns later.

Remember, when you're depressed, your mind plays tricks on you, and tries to tell you over and over that all your worst expectations are reality. Know that it isn't true.

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