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Feeling calm & clear headed today! No ruminations spiraling into Hell (yet). Only day 2 of Effexor and I already feel like it's doing something. I don't want to believe it and jinx myself, maybe it's placebo effect, but I have never had a med work (positively) within the first 3 days. Usually you just get side effects until about 2 weeks in.

I feel the physical start-up effects (sweaty palms, rigid body, jaw clenching, foot shaking) but my mind feels pleasantly "untethered" .... almost hopeful? I also feel floaty/spacey. I have zoned out into space several times with complete mind blank. But man, this is soooooo much better than being tortured and triggered by worst case scenarios, miserable thoughts all day long. Please send me good vibes that this continues!!!

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1 hour ago, grab your bag said:

 hmm No, but I did lowered the Mirtazapine to 7.5, I did a lot better on 30 mg . . and this is what I do when I'm depressed, lying in bed staring at my phone, not functioning

Maybe see your pdoc and ask about raising the mirtazapine back up to 30 mg? So sorry you are depressed.

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3 minutes ago, jt07 said:

Maybe see your pdoc and ask about raising the mirtazapine back up to 30 mg? So sorry you are depressed.

thanks, and how are you doing?

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1 hour ago, grab your bag said:

thanks, and how are you doing?

Thanks for asking. I'm suffering a lot physically and that takes a toll on my mental health. Still, I'm doing much better mentally than physically. 

15 minutes ago, looking for answers said:

i somehow lost 3 lbs

Congrats. That should cause you to worry less.

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12 minutes ago, jt07 said:

Thanks for asking. I'm suffering a lot physically and that takes a toll on my mental health. Still, I'm doing much better mentally than physically. 

Congrats. That should cause you to worry less.

Ha a little yes, curious as the dose goes up, but i def don’t wNna be losing , but it’s better than gainig

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Using today to brace myself, the next few days will be difficult. Including chores, and up to painting walls, I have a lot to distract myself, but still. Going to be a crappy week. So, I guess today I'm a bit depressed and slightly disoriented. Voices during the night didn't help. 

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I'm okay. I'm IP right now. Had ECT this morning. I've run out of cigarettes unfortunately and am not allowed to go anywhere which is annoying. I think the ECT might be helping, nurses say I seem brighter anyway.

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1 hour ago, mcjimjam said:

I'm okay.

It's been quite some time since I've seen you write the words "I'm okay" on here so things must be looking up. I'm glad for you and hope you continue to feel better.

I am feeling depressed this evening. Just awful and rotten,

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I feel awful. 

I was in a car accident two weeks ago. Totaled my car and broke my right/dominant wrist. Insurance won't cover me to drive with a cast on my arm/hand, so I can't get a rental car. I've been taking transit to get to work. I feel very alone and like I'm a burden on my friends, which is only made worse by this injury and my lack of a transportation. My friends live far away (roughly 30 minutes drive, 2.5 hours by transit), and are too busy to come see me. It's fine, I guess. I'm not much fun to hang out with, I don't have much (positive) to say, so I mostly listen to others talk.

My tdoc cancelled my appointment this week because she was sick and then couldn't fit me in later in the week, so it's been almost two weeks since I talked to her. She feels like the only person who cares about me these days because she doesn't change the subject or get uncomfortably silent when I say how I'm feeling. I suck at the phone though, so I haven't called her. I just beat myself up for being alone and only being cared about by people who I pay to care.

IV-ketamine banished my depression entirely for about 6 weeks. It was magical. I have never been a not-depressed adult. I've been sliding downhill for about 6 weeks though and it's worse since the car accident. I'm suicidal again and entertaining regular thoughts of self-harm as well. More IV-ketamine is not an option, for financial reasons (I got it because I'm in a medical trial), and IM-ketamine (which I'm getting through the trial) doesn't seem to have the same effect.

I feel pretty hopeless.

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1 hour ago, Geek said:

I feel awful. 

I was in a car accident two weeks ago. Totaled my car and broke my right/dominant wrist. Insurance won't cover me to drive with a cast on my arm/hand, so I can't get a rental car. I've been taking transit to get to work. I feel very alone and like I'm a burden on my friends, which is only made worse by this injury and my lack of a transportation. My friends live far away (roughly 30 minutes drive, 2.5 hours by transit), and are too busy to come see me. It's fine, I guess. I'm not much fun to hang out with, I don't have much (positive) to say, so I mostly listen to others talk.

My tdoc cancelled my appointment this week because she was sick and then couldn't fit me in later in the week, so it's been almost two weeks since I talked to her. She feels like the only person who cares about me these days because she doesn't change the subject or get uncomfortably silent when I say how I'm feeling. I suck at the phone though, so I haven't called her. I just beat myself up for being alone and only being cared about by people who I pay to care.

IV-ketamine banished my depression entirely for about 6 weeks. It was magical. I have never been a not-depressed adult. I've been sliding downhill for about 6 weeks though and it's worse since the car accident. I'm suicidal again and entertaining regular thoughts of self-harm as well. More IV-ketamine is not an option, for financial reasons (I got it because I'm in a medical trial), and IM-ketamine (which I'm getting through the trial) doesn't seem to have the same effect.

I feel pretty hopeless.

Geek <3

I had to think hard what IM vs IV ketamine would mean. But I finally got it. I'm sorry the IM isn't cutting it. That's awful. To feel that freedom from depression for 6 weeks only to have it ripped away. :( And there is no way they would give you the IV again? I hate to think that they would not give you that if it was working so well. That makes me mad and frustrated for you. Sending love and strength. 

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4 hours ago, Geek said:

I feel awful. 

I was in a car accident two weeks ago. Totaled my car and broke my right/dominant wrist. Insurance won't cover me to drive with a cast on my arm/hand, so I can't get a rental car. I've been taking transit to get to work. I feel very alone and like I'm a burden on my friends, which is only made worse by this injury and my lack of a transportation. My friends live far away (roughly 30 minutes drive, 2.5 hours by transit), and are too busy to come see me. It's fine, I guess. I'm not much fun to hang out with, I don't have much (positive) to say, so I mostly listen to others talk.

My tdoc cancelled my appointment this week because she was sick and then couldn't fit me in later in the week, so it's been almost two weeks since I talked to her. She feels like the only person who cares about me these days because she doesn't change the subject or get uncomfortably silent when I say how I'm feeling. I suck at the phone though, so I haven't called her. I just beat myself up for being alone and only being cared about by people who I pay to care.

IV-ketamine banished my depression entirely for about 6 weeks. It was magical. I have never been a not-depressed adult. I've been sliding downhill for about 6 weeks though and it's worse since the car accident. I'm suicidal again and entertaining regular thoughts of self-harm as well. More IV-ketamine is not an option, for financial reasons (I got it because I'm in a medical trial), and IM-ketamine (which I'm getting through the trial) doesn't seem to have the same effect.

I feel pretty hopeless.

please hang ing there, some of thse things are unfortunate but will change. Call or Pdoc asap...........or go to the ER. Does anything besides ketamine work? suck it up and tcall tdoc too................ask pdoc to do a peer to peer with your insurance on the ketamine, please dont lose hope

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