2 posts in this topic
Hey I am new. Long-time eating disorder sufferer. Started with anorexia and morphed into bulimia, then went to drugs, then went back to EDs, then went orthorexic/exercise bulimic. Went to treatment for the second time a couple years ago and have a treatment team. Noticed that once I started working hard on my ED, I was spending like crazy. Also was on Rexulti at that time. Spending comes and goes but gets bad when my eating gets better. Drives me nuts! Brain needs the rush. Feel like I can't escape. I hate spending, but drugs and bulimia seem worse? Anyone else struggle with this?
I know the title sounds a little silly but let me explain (buckle up this is going to be a long one)
As a person that has struggled with heavy eating disorder tendencies for over 6 years now, you would think that I would have this all figured out by now... But that just isn't the case. It kinda just crept up on me when I was 10 and it never went away. I can't exactly pin how it started or why (otherwise it would be easier to treat it. Go figure) however, I never actively thought, "I want to skip meals and be thin". It just became a habit, one that I just can't break despite my best efforts. Its not that I don't want people to know because I dont want them to stop me, its mostly because I'm ashamed that my life has come to this. I am a very happy person that is friends with everyone and just wants the best for people. I just don't want this to change the way they see me. Such a strong and nice person being controlled by some thing so awful. Besides, there is a lot going on in my home life anyway and I dont want to add this on top of it all.
I know a lot of people say that "biology eventually rules out" and "you're setting yourself up for a binge the more you don't eat" I wish it were like that for me. I don't even have to think about it and I end up not eating for at least 3 days to sometimes a week at a time. And the few times that I do eat I just end up throwing it up anyway. Everything just feels so dull and repetitive that I don't even notice. I actively try to eat. But I keep falling back into the same behavior I don't want to die but I don't want to keep living this way. What should I do?
What medications have you found that have worked for binge eating disorder or bulimia? Topamax kinda helps, but I hate the side effects (depression, hair loss, slowed thinking, tiredness, etc....) and was wondering if anybody else had success with any other medications. Or if you've found ways to deal with the cognitive side effects of topamax?
Hi y'all.... I am 39 and exhausted 😣 When will this hell end? That moment when you're in the grocery store and you find yourself going down the snack cake isle .... heart starts to race ,you even start to get panicky and hot all over almost break into a sweat hoping that the strong hold of food addiction and the need to purge surpasses. ..... but it doesn't 😢 That bastard wins again! Next you find yourself in the parking lot looking around hoping that no one is around to witness what's about to happen.....
I WANT TO FREE ! I WANT TO LIVE LIFE NORMALLY ! WHYYYYYYY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? TO YOU?
So it's the 6 week holidays and I was having a pretty good time spending it with my girlfriend and loved ones. However it's currently 1:15am and I have just purged after weighing myself. I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat, ugly, slut! I hate her and I don't even know who she is anymore. Every night I have had alone when there's nobody with me I fall back into purging and not eating. I hate my weight. I used to be so thin but this recovery has made me fatter than ever and I just want to punch the walls and scream! I just need people to rant to who understand. I just want to be more open with Bulimia and talk to people who feel the same - I feel like ranting is a good option right now.