6 posts in this topic
Emotions are actually a sense like sight. They allow us to see the values that things and situations hold in our lives. It is only our positive emotions that allow us to see the positive qualities of life (i.e. the good values) while it is only our negative emotions that allow us to see the negative qualities of life (i.e. the bad values). Having neither positive nor negative emotions would be no different than a blind person. No value judgment can allow this blind person to see just as how no value judgment or mindset can allow us to see the values in our lives.
One of my most problematic symptoms is the voice that says horrible things to me. It can be either silent just in my head or I can say it out loud. Examples are: Everybody hates you. You're pathetic. You stupid bitch. You're useless. You fucking idiot. These insults are relentless and happen when I'm alone. Often it's when I'm in bed and I have to yell out something like shut up get out of my head. But this is endless and the voice will come back, guaranteed. What are some good strategies for when the voice speaks to you? It's really torturing me and the constant criticism is destroying what little self esteem I have.
By Just a dude
Hello! I this is my first post and I want to talk about some personal issues going on with my life that is associated with coming of age (I think?), but I'm not sure why they are happening and if it is normal.
I am a 16 year old teen living in Australia with an Asian background. When I was young, I used to be pretty happy as I lived in a townhouse and mainly played with any kid in the town. We all got really close, I went to a school close to me, had a school friend growing up with me in the same area, went to a lot of school clubs and played an instrument. My mum and dad were nice as well as I had a 'passion' for studying I guess, so I got the DUX award at my school (Top of junior school, eh).
Then in grade 8, I went to another school and moved to another townhouse (school was still 5 minute drive from my house). My friend I grew up with also came to my school (so it just me and him facing the world together!). At first, I was shy and all that but I gradually made a lot of friends and we actually played the same games (League of Legends if you're interested) and went out and had lots of fun as well as my work ethics from my first school helped me a lot to study. I made closer friends than back in my first school and we talked all night on Skype and studied together and live as if we were close brothers and sisters. In fact, at this time in my schooling life I managed to have a nice girlfriend (which we ended) and another one in grade 9. This bits a bit weird. From my first breakup I felt this state of depression because it questioned who I was. The only reason we broke up was because of who I developed in society (a kind, smart dude but didn't really think about myself properly or others). So from then on, my close friend I grew up with, his mother was a Christian (I don't want to offend anyone when I say this, but she took the Bible literally). I wanted to become a Christian too so I can rediscover my true self without hiding my inner self, so I just listened to everything she said and just copied the same thing. It changed my mind in a wrong way as she told me stuff like "No working or studying on Sunday" or "The government is evil" and like "The queen is bathing in the blood of babies to keep her alive" in addition to the the Bible. This caused conflict within my family and I guess I lost that encouragement and warmth from my parents from that day on, even when I broke up with my friend and her mum as they remember of what I did.
All this chaos made me really want to change schools, so I thought about going to Queensland Academy of Science Mathemetics and Technology, which is the top school in Queensland, Australia. I applied and everything and took the test and got in, and I thought I can start a new life and rediscover myself. And we bought a house this time, but it is one and a half hours away from school by bus with a lot of transfers in between.
Long story short, I found out me trying to discover myself stopped me from finding myself this whole time, and I became me I guess. But, with that, I lost all these emotions. Also, I've been working harder than normal and not getting good grades (this school is number one in academic so maybe I'm just stupid .-.), so I thought that my 'Fake self' had good principles, such as being always positive and having a passion for study instead of me right now, doing work for the heck of it, reading Webtoons and occasionally playing basketball and thinking about a girl I have a crush right now. I also got Facebook to talk to others, but all I just see is everyone posting how good their life is while I'm just laughing at memes about relatable problems.
So, I'm asking anyone whose reading this, is this a normal thing in life to be like, or did I stray from being normal. And also, is this what they mean by the stereotype that teens are moody and rebellious and becoming adults?
I'd like any responses cos I'm curious (btw, not suicidal at all, just pooped with life) and thank you if you do read this and can respond!
I'm pretty sure I have depression. I plan things to do to help it and then am unable to do them later because I feel down and alone. Every day is a lonely struggle. People don't understand, not that I can interact with many at the moment. The biggest problem might be my job. I work for the post office and every day is at least a 3 hour struggle of being out in the 110 degree heat, trying not to think and get down. It's nearly impossible. I'm sure there's techniques but I feel so alone and distant from everything. I barely have friends, I just got back together with my guy after some struggles but even with him of all people, I feel not good enough and like I'm just a waste of his time. I love him, he can find someone better. And yet I'm selfish, too sad and alone to let go and driving him crazy with my daily insecurities. The same ones over and over again. Am I okay? Am I okay? Am I okay? I'm constantly lonely, making shit worse and have no place to safely vent because it's a lot of negative and I might be okay one day, not half the day even and then just keep feeling the negative. I can't talk to people because of how down I feel constantly and I'm not doing anything interesting because of it so I don't have normal conversation to talk about. I feel lost and disconnected from everything. And trapped in a box. And ultimately alone and failing what little I have despite my efforts. I can't get the happy to stay in my head every day and people get frustrated and hurt that it doesn't and it makes me feel worse.
Who ever is reading this, thanks for taking the time to do so. I just wanted to be heard, to talk to someone even though I sound pathetic. I hope your day was good and tanks for stopping by.
I have been diagnosed with "Mood disorder-unspecified" as well as "moderate depression"...so, not a lot to go on. I also suspect that I suffer from Quiet BPD, and/or some form of cyclothymia.
I went on Lamictal to combat my anger/agitation/rage explosions, as well as SSRI-resistant depression. I was on 25mg for 2 weeks, and immediately felt a difference. I had energy and hope. When situations would come up that usually would throw me into either a rage or crying fit, I was able to analyze the situation better, and the emotions would swell, and then eventually pass. I felt a lot better, and thought that an increased dose (as ordered by my PDOC) would bring even greater results.
I increased to 50mg yesterday, and to put it simply, I feel like total crap. I have a headache, intense bloating and gas, I feel hungover, and suddenly have depression and zero motivation. I feel like I took a giant step backwards. Any hope I had of feeling better has been dashed. I feel like I can barely handle my 4-year old son, let alone just be awake and functioning.
Has anyone heard of Lamictal/mood stabilizers working at a low dose? I know that the therapeutic dose is near 100mg or so, but I can't imagine increasing it if I'm going to keep feeling like this. Does it get better, or should I talk to my PDOC about staying at 25mg?
Thanks. I just want to feel hope about this again.