I tapered of ativan because I felt like it was making me like the energizer bunny. I would start reading a book, 15 min later do dishes, 20 min later go on a run, 10 minutes into the run get tired of it, go inside watch a tv show for 10 min, then do something else. I couldn't focus on one damn thing at a time. Well I refilled the prescription and I felt great yesterday and the day before but now I actually feel more anxious. Not exactly anxiety per se, but almost like an agitation that makes me on edge, makes me worry more. I function better. Showering, cleaning, not daydreaming all day or dissociating. But I just hate the rotten feeling of agitation and not being able to relax. Would a longer acting benzo help? Such as klonipin. This was the same thing I experienced on xanax except no agitation but more energizer bunny and 15 incremental sessions all day. But this time I keep worrying, I can't be patient, little things annoy me. I'm getting frustrated even thinking about thinking about it.
I had a bout where I drank everyday for a month. Super stupid I know. Now that I have been clean for over a month, I still find that I crave the occasional drink. How long did it take for others to stop craving alcohol? I started drinking last year, so am relatively "new" but can still put away 4 drinks a night without getting drunk. Any anecdotes would be helpful.
Brief summary of my situation:
Ive had social anxiety for either 3 or 4 years (self diagnosed), started at around the same time I hit puberty weirdly, and what i have trouble with is constant swallowing (I feel as if spit piles up in my mouth rather quickly), slightly shaky hands (only noticeable if I lift them), and one that has really damaged my life is my unwillingness to socialize or even speak at all.
I definitely do not want to take therapy, just the thought of being alone in a room with a stranger, having to open up about everything personal makes me anxious. That is definitely at the bottom of my list. I've already considered pills, but Ive asked my mother far to many times and now I cant even mention it now without my mom going berserk.
Conclusion, self therapy (Is that a thing?) or hopefully, it'll go away when Im older. Obviously, I have doubts about the last one, but I seriously wonder if it's possible. I have noticed its lessened since last year, and just last night I had a dream about socializing in a way I never had and I took that as a sign as a new stage in my life.
Advice? Opinions? Personal experiences? Also, ways to cope? Thanks in advance.