I have been self harming since I was 11.
I'm 21 with a job in healthcare and I still can't stop myself from cutting. Its become a custome. That's my go to when I'm stressed, upset, lonely, sometimes even if I'm bored. I just like to have cuts or burns or scratches on me at all times. Its like a secret that I don't have to share its amusing to me in a way. I feel almost naked if I don't have at least a few cuts on me at any given time. I've tried to stop and for a while I did, but I just keep turning back.
I want to move forward with my life but its like I'm stuck In a hole that I can't climb out of. I see everyone around me moving on with their lives and I'm stuck here hurting myself with no control over anything. My anxiety is to bad to seek help. I just feel like I would be better off dead because dying just seems so easier, more realistic and more inviting than trying to live a normal life.
I have tried to stop self harming and it's not working. I have been cutting for a little over 2 years and have tried to stop multiple times, but with no luck. I had stopped for about 3 months and relapsed about an hour ago. I can't control myself when I feel emotions and I absolutely hate it. I can't talk about it in person, or I break down. Any replies would be nice. I would just like to talk to people that don't know me as a person and have never met me, it helps a lot.
I slipped up today. I'm not proud of it.
I was suppose to be two weeks clean today.
Since my parents found out, they are aware of me doing it. But I'm afraid that my mom will get mad at me because I lied to her saying that I only had one razor, but I actually have more but I'm hiding them.
I'm not mad at myself for slipping up though. Which is a good thing.
I accepted it and was like, "you did it, it's already done, try to not do it next time."
Now several of my friends are aware of my self harm, and they have been giving me so much emotional support and surrounded me with positivity. I was texting one of them yesterday and I told her I was three days clean, and she said every three days I'm clean she would give me one of her gogos (they're cute toy things). I heavily insisted and said she really didn't have to, but she wanted to, she said she's doing it for me. I am so grateful I have such great friends to support me through this, thank you.
I hadn’t been cutting for long before I was found out. My parents sent me to therapy hoping for a full recovery. I haven’t cut since the end of May -a little over for months ago- but I still fantasize about it everyday. I feel that since I’m not an active cutter I’m seen as being better but I’m not better. The urge is still there and life is harder now that I’m not doing essentially the only thing that remedied the pain. I wish I coined express this frustration to someone but I hate to disappoint. I burdened my parents and enough already and don’t want to hurt them anymore. How can I make the urge go away or get my parents to see that I haven’t fully recovered without hurting them? If you have any advice please lmk. Thanks.