Hermione

Anniversaries of abuse

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I have some big trauma anniversaries coming up...one is Halloween and I am trying to plan my day to enjoy it as much as I can and not sit in it. I work at a daycare so all the kids dress up and it can be triggering because I was first raped at 8 on Halloween in costume and I have vivid memories of it so I took the day off and am hopefully seeing my therapist for lunch or dinner and going to try to spend the day doing things I enjoy. I have so many anniversaries coming up it's hard to take...and my ptsd is so severe and it's so bad right now 

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Traumaversaries are the pits, and I'm sorry that it's so hard right now. Halloween is a significant trigger for me and my CSA as well.

It sounds like you're being really proactive about reaching out, and about putting up boundaries to try to protect yourself. Is there a way that you can show yourself self-kindness or self-compassion while it's so hard?

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Thank you for the support I am trying just so many struggles at this time of year. my anorexia is really acting up i even purged a few times due to eating even a little no binging i don't binge but its a hard time of year with holidays being triggers and my first year with my brother not there which is good i don't miss him due to he also abused me and it just came out last year which is a long story but i had never shared until then Halloween is my other abuser and is a big major one as it was an every year thing and the first time he raped me at 8...i am just a mess right now i even lost time the other day like was in a trance no idea what i did for hours my therapist said it could be from not eating enough which could be but i feel it can also be PTSD related maybe both connected who knows with me. but for Halloween i took the day off from work and am going to hopefully see my therapist and also just go shopping and treat myself to some stuff try to make it a different day then usual...i don't usually plan it or deal well at all not dealing well now with it approaching but it is what it is...

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Have you tried any EMDR therapy? If you've been more stable during the year it wouldn't be a bad thing to do. I have c-ptsd and when my abusers were out of my life, and I was far enough along in regular therapy/med compliant, I was stable enough to do it. It's hard work and the memories are shitty but afterwards it feels better. Maybe it'll help you too...

Def agree, treat yourself like super-amazing right now. Do whatever it is you want, and let yourself feel good about it. These trigger-versaries are hard to get through but it sounds like you're working hard at it and have a good support system in place. 

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I've got a trauma-versary coming up in about a month, I hope yours just goes and is as manageable as possible. Glad you're able to see your therapist on that day/around that time though, hopefully that'll be a good anchor. Taking the day off sounds like a constructive way to face it

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