I have been self harming since I was 11.
I'm 21 with a job in healthcare and I still can't stop myself from cutting. Its become a custome. That's my go to when I'm stressed, upset, lonely, sometimes even if I'm bored. I just like to have cuts or burns or scratches on me at all times. Its like a secret that I don't have to share its amusing to me in a way. I feel almost naked if I don't have at least a few cuts on me at any given time. I've tried to stop and for a while I did, but I just keep turning back.
I want to move forward with my life but its like I'm stuck In a hole that I can't climb out of. I see everyone around me moving on with their lives and I'm stuck here hurting myself with no control over anything. My anxiety is to bad to seek help. I just feel like I would be better off dead because dying just seems so easier, more realistic and more inviting than trying to live a normal life.
I have tried to stop self harming and it's not working. I have been cutting for a little over 2 years and have tried to stop multiple times, but with no luck. I had stopped for about 3 months and relapsed about an hour ago. I can't control myself when I feel emotions and I absolutely hate it. I can't talk about it in person, or I break down. Any replies would be nice. I would just like to talk to people that don't know me as a person and have never met me, it helps a lot.
I slipped up today. I'm not proud of it.
I was suppose to be two weeks clean today.
Since my parents found out, they are aware of me doing it. But I'm afraid that my mom will get mad at me because I lied to her saying that I only had one razor, but I actually have more but I'm hiding them.
I'm not mad at myself for slipping up though. Which is a good thing.
I accepted it and was like, "you did it, it's already done, try to not do it next time."
I have been sick for the past few days. My mom was taking care of me and she rolled up my hoodie sleeve and saw my scars. She questioned them and I didn't reply. Then she told me she is not mad, she just wants me to be happy. She took away my razors and told my dad. Both my parents reacted very calm about it, I'm so grateful and blessed to have parents like this. They don't want me to be stressed. They don't want to see me like this.
My mom suggested other coping mechanisms. She also said I could talk to her anytime if something is bothering me.
I might be able to get a counselor sometime.