thunder

Missing my therapist

5 posts in this topic

I'm moving across the state and had my last session with my current therapist last week. I already miss him, and it's not like I even would have had an appointment since my last session normally. It just feels really weird to think that I'll never see him again. I keep imagining conversations with him, thinking of things I would normally say to him at my next appointment, thinking about all the things he helped me with, and all the really hard times he's supported me through. I only worked with him for about a year, but I really connected with my therapist and was able to work on some things that were really hard for me to talk about and address. 

Other than move related anxiety, I'm fairly stable at the moment, but I generally haven't had long periods of stability in the past and he's been really helpful in getting me through episodes as they arise and helping me to be more open with my pdoc. Mostly though, I just miss the comfort and reassurance of knowing he is there for me. I'll be looking for a therapist in my new location, but that's always an adjustment and it's hard developing trust with someone new. 

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@thunder, I think your feelings are pretty normal. My therapist went away for a month and wasn’t available by phone/text during that period. I struggled with that, though it is very rare for me to reach out between sessions. There’s definitely a comfort to knowing she’s there and would respond if I reached out. I am potentially moving out of the country in a few months and though she has said she would help me through the transition, including seeing me by Skype or something, I am anxious to leave her. 

Do you have anything to remind you of him? My tdoc gave me an acorn from a bowl she has in her office, but I also carry one of her business cards in my wallet. The physical touchstone seems to help me. I hold it when I’m having a hard time and think about what she would say. 

In some ways I think one of the (perhaps intermediary) goals of therapy is to be able to have conversations with your therapist all in your head. Don’t stop! It’s great that you have internalized him so well.

Our relationships with our therapists are deep, intimate and real. That means you’re going to need to grieve the loss of it. He was (and is) an important part of your life and your journey with MI. 

I hope your move goes well. 

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I don't know that I could say anything better than Geek. If you trust your tdoc, you do build a bond and I can see why you may feel a bit apprehensive about leaving them. I miss my tdoc and keep things she has given me: books, notes, dieting tips (she was a nutritionist too), and various other things. My tdoc passed away and maybe that is a different situation, but I have yet to bond with the new one. She is nice and everything, but I think I have to learn to let go of the other one.

Good luck to you. I think you will find the tips from Geek to be helpful when you need a little reassurance. Give the new person a chance and I think you will do well.

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I lost my tdoc with no warning last summer after working with him since 2001, and it was devastating. He’d been a voice of reason in my head, a second opinion, someone I trusted absolutely for so long. So I sympathize, thunder. It’s hard.

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Thanks, guys. He did tell me that I could call if I need some support until I get set up with a new therapist. Strangely, the pain of missing him seems less now that I'm in my new city. I think in some ways it actually makes it easier to do as Geek said and internalize what he would say instead of just thinking about all the things I wanted to say to him. I still am not excited about finding someone new, and I still miss him, but its less of a painful, desperate, feeling. 

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