Hi, everyone. This is my first post! I was diagnosed with atypical depression a while ago and was wondering if anyone else has been dealing with it.
According to WebMD, one thing that differentiates atypical depression from melancholic depression is "mood reactivity" and it also is characterized by a "more intense reaction or increased sensitivity to rejection, resulting in problems with social and work relationships."
I do have these issues and also have another thing on the list, which is "a feeling of being weighted down, paralyzed, or 'leaden'". Adderall often helps with this feeling, but is by no means a cure-all.
Anyway, the "mood reactivity" is interesting to me as I've often felt like I was a little bit BPD, maybe Borderline Lite?? Yes, I definitely feel things very intensely (which sucks), have a massive fear of abandonment and rejection, BUT I don't engage in reckless activities like sex with strangers or manipulation tactics, guilt tripping people, attention whore type behavior, etc. I basically just accept it when someone doesn't want to engage with me (it hurts a LOT, but I'd rather just deal than make it worse/embarrass myself by creating drama).
Having said that, I often do feel like I'm still a teenager on the inside (am in my early 40s)! Maybe I am emotionally stunted, I don't know. I have an "inner adult" as well, but under stress my inner teenager seems to hijack my thoughts and feelings at times.
Anyway, I thought it was interesting that this "atypical depression" encompasses these BPD/Complex PTSD-like symptoms and was curious to hear your guys' thoughts. Maybe it is a diagnosis for people who have grown out of their BPDish symptoms enough to need a different category? Although, I could be wrong/oversimplifying...
I have been struggling with my Bipolar II depression for years, and am now going to pursue ECT due to my being medication resistant. I take 250mg/day of Lamictal (an anticonvulsant), 12mg/day of Valium, and an anti-depressant.
I had a consultation with the ECT doctor, and he said that not only will my Lamictal make it difficult for him to induce a proper seizure, which I was already aware of, but that Valium, a benzodiazepine, also prevents seizures. I never knew that, but apparently paramedics use a benzodiazepine nose spray for people having seizures.
So I got hit with two barrels when I was only expecting one: Not only will the Lamictal hinder ECT, but so will my Valium, a benzodiazepine.
I have hyper-withdrawal syndrome, so I can't just drop the Lamictal (which stopped working years ago) and begin ECT. I'm also at a good Valium dose which I don't want to mess with. The doctor will have to increase the electric charge sent to my brain (as relative to someone not on two drugs that prevent convulsions) in order to induce a seizure.
I'm understandably wary of having electricity sent through my brain, but given my particular circumstances, I have nothing left to lose. But as stated above, a larger-than-normal charge of electricity will need to be used. I worry that such a high voltage could have lifelong negative side effects, like chronic migraines for instance. Have studies even been done using such potentially high electric charges in modern ECT therapy and what kind of unknown dangers that could elicit?
Bipolar patients usually have an AC in their med regiment, as well as a benzo of some kind, and I'm sure lots of people with treatment-resistant BP II depression have had ECT. How did they do it? The doctor also said that as treatment continues (Mon, Wed, Fri. for a couple weeks) even a normal person not on seizure-inhibiting drugs has to have the voltage increased with each treatment, as if the brain develops a type of tolerance to the procedures.
For the sake of simplicity, let's say the voltage scale is from 1-10, with 1 being the typical charge sent into an ECT patient's brain who's not taking two drugs that inhibit seizures. As stated above, the doctor told me it's not uncommon to have to increase the voltage for a regular person not on the drugs I'm on as treatment progresses. Well, I'm taking 250mg of Lamictal and 12mg of Valium daily. For me, let's say instead of 1 voltage, it takes 4 for the first procedure. By the time the entire ECT regiment is finished, let's suppose a regular person will have ended up on a voltage charge of 5. For me, with my seizure-inhibiting drugs, let's say I end up at a 10+ voltage charge. That's what I'm afraid of. Relatively (in the modern sense) untested ECT territory and its effects on the brain.
I'm aware of the side effects for ECT for regular people, and I'm not bothered. Like I said, I need help desperately. But in my case, essentially taking TWO anticonvulsants, could my brain be permanently damaged by electric charges that could end up being substantially greater than 95% of people who have this procedure done? Do I need to worry that I'll develop side effects, potentially lifelong? Side effects/damage that would be very rare for someone receiving normal, low-voltage charges? Chronic migraines, ticks, general cognitive defects, noticeable loss in creative ability, writing ability, etc. I'll be receiving high-voltage charges, potentially much higher charges than 95% of people who undergo ECT. And as like normal patients, each treatment should require an ever-increasing charge to induce the seizure.
What should I think about all of this? What should I do?
I'm in an acute depressive state right now, so treatment may begin in just days. Any help is much appreciated.
Has anyone here come to realize the moments when you are projecting in a relationship? By Projection, I mean the behavior where you do not accept your own thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings as your own. These "unwanted" feelings or thoughts are dealt with by being projected / placed outside of yourself or attributed to someone else...
I've noticed (as a chronically depressed, anxious, highly-sensitive person) that I have a habit of often projecting, and misinterpreting other's behavior as critical, unloving, uncaring, angry and disapproving...when in fact, these are the constant ruminations that I have about MYSELF. This is simply how my brain operates in the world. I'm VERY critical of myself (I often see myself as unlovable, unworthy, lazy, too emotional, disorganized, I never do anything right)... Ex: Someone communicates a neutral statement to me, but I over analyze and read into it emotionally, and start feeling and questioning that the person is angry with me or disapproves of me.
Anyone experience this? How do you de-program your automatic projections?
Hi everybody. I have been taking Agomelatine for 3 weeks (as an add on to Duloxetine). I don't feel any better. I feel sleepy and slightly more depressed and anxious.
How much longershould I keep taking it? Or should I stop?
What have others' experiences been?
My fiance has been losing weight recently. He's down 20 lbs and is like 228 lbs now. I've gained weight, but it was also that time of the month. I kinda go after chubby dudes as is, and always worry if they weigh less than me I become unnattractive. His affection towards me hasn't really gone down, it's stayed the same really. I tell him my concerns of me gaining while he's losing, and he says he'll love me no matter what. And that he also doesn't want me skinnier, he just wants me to be happy. But, at the same time he thinks my best friend is too big, [she's considered a SSBBW i'm a BBW if anyone knows what those mean...] but he said the difference too is that if I got as big as her he loves me, not her. I just worry his eyes may start to wander to other girls who aren't as big, although he does prefer curvier women, and I do actually have curves, i'm just a bit chunky. I've got a big bust, wide hips, and a big lower half, plus an hourglass figure, but a bit of a tummy.... And lately I've been more anxious as well about losing him to the point of nightmares, although it seems that they're symbolizing to not worry and to trust him [I die in them, and regret leaving things "left unsaid" with him basically.] Also a gentle reminder, this is my first longest relationship [been almost 2 years now coming this fall, been engaged for a full year now, too as of june.], first engagement, and hopeful marriage in the next few years. He's been married twice. I'm hoping to get us in for a premarital counseling appt cause we've not been in awhile this coming week, also.
I feel like I've just put him on this pedastal of perfect cause let's face it he IS WAY better than anyone else I've been with putting up with my anxiety attacks, insecurities, etc etc etc, and it's like I'm waiting for something bad to happen and I hate that I'm like that. And he tells me to stop thinking he's perfect too, cause he ain't but he is to me...