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pdoc concerns *possible triggers*

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Hi, everyone. 

The past six days have SUCKED! Sorry, just had to get that out there first. I have been really struggling. I've been depressed for a month, but last Wednesday things started getting really bad.  I have been self-harming. I have had thoughts of suicide. They are detailed. I hate them.

I told my husband I wanted to go inpatient on Sunday, because I was afraid of hurting myself more. He facepalmed and just sat there shaking his head. So I didn't go. My husband doesn't want me in and my parents think I don't need it. I called my pdoc yesterday hoping for advice, but her MA said she wasn't there and said she would email her. The MA said she's get back to me this morning. It's now noon. I haven't heard from anyone. I'm starting to feel like I'm screaming as loud as I can and nobody hears me. I know how cliched that is, but it's the truth. I know I need help because of the images in my mind but nobody thinks I need help because I haven't attempted. 

I just don't know what to do. Is this normal for a pdoc to do? I did tell the MA that I'm having suicidal thoughts. She just typed that in the email, I guess. 

I just don't know where to go from here. 

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sStrangelove, I’m sorry this is happening to you. I think you should call your doctor back. If you can’t get through, then tell your husband that you still need to go inpatient, and if he won’t take you, go to the emergency room. The important thing is to stay safe. You know what you need. They don’t. Do what is best for you.

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