hi everyone, I'm Emily, 28 married 2 kids... Still stuck in this bullshit disease. Miserable most of the time. Definitely isolated and lonely, I feel like I'm the only one struggling even though I'm not.
Diagnosed anorexic years ago, got pregnant, second time was a living hell for me! Lots of purging .. Back to restricting postpartum, then crept to binge eating and bulimia, now "ednos". Really wanna break purging. Used to be almost everyday til I had a major health scare a month ago. Now a couple times a week. Wanna make it none but ya know, much easier said then done.
Also bipolar and borderline, def depression in there. And anxiety. lots of med experimentation. "Fun" !!
Any who that's me! Just looking for support and friendship, somewhere I can go rant about all this shit I go through daily. Sick of fighting alone
I'm new to this. My last incident has led to this website.
Two weeks ago, I was pretty drunk, okay..wasted and decided I have had enough with life. I took an entire bottle of ambien and woke up in the hospital the next morning. I do remember taking the pills, but it was the drinking that made me do it. Sober, I cant picture hurting myself. Anyhow, now not only am I ashamed. I have to deal with pity from family who are constantly asking how I am doing. AND the medical bills to come for the ambulance and 3 day hospital stay. I do have insurance but im still going to be facing a huge amount of debt. This just makes everything else worse and causes anxiety. ahh
Does anyone else have a similar experience?
I have a lot of physical health issues, and I think that they can nearly all be traced back to my GAD. Migraine headaches, muscle pain and spasms, stomach issues, dizziness, general fatigue -- it just feels like a constant onslaught. While the rational part of my brain knows that I am a very healthy person - the only "real" illness I've had in the last few years is a kidney stone this past month, which is just compounding the situation because it's quite painful - I still feel like a very sick and broken person, even though I know my issues are mostly anxiety-related.
My boyfriend is very supportive of me, even when I'm throwing myself a pity party, but I still wonder, who would put up with someone like me? And are there other people who deal with these problems? Or am I just, like, incapable of handling life's stresses?
May be Triggering for some - not not explicit.
I've been cutting since I was 12, was diagnosed with Bipolar II when I was 15; which seems to explain why - I've never really figured it out myself.
I've had long periods of recovery, and I really thought I had it cracked this time. I was wrong. Last night I relapsed.
I'm going to keep working on getting better, and not let this get me down or put me off finding healthier solutions, the usual spiel, but in the meantime I have to deal with the fallout, and I think I need some support with that.
My family knows about my history with SI, and how I've been good for a while - but we don't tend to talk about it much, it's an uncomfortable subject after all. Since I'm home from uni and staying with them right now, I'm struggling with whether or not to come clean. I didn't want to upset them, and am fairly sure this is not going to be indicative of a serious relapse, so I wasn't going to mention anything. Then my aunt invited us to go swimming with herself and my cousins - worst luck!
Fairly sure I could lie my way out of it, which would be less stressful option for all; but also sets a precedence I've been trying to avoid. On the other hand, piling familial stress on top of my current abundance of crazy seems like a recipe for disaster.
By sleepy borderline
She lets him utilize her- one two three times. As if she was a simple house appliance,
a towel to wipe himself on, perhaps,
Anticipating the frame of him crushes her weakness like a bug.
He has delayed all of her judgments,
like a stopwatch time now moves slowly
He has sucked up the last of her bitter tears like a
mosquito sucking blood from a man on the verge of death.
He thinks of her only a dark, wet hovel, empty and not
so much of anything pretty. Like something you would find in the street,
the gutter, or dirty, in the ground, in the woods.
She pretends to have fun, like an actress. Only she wins no love for her performances, no.
He is full of ' it' too, she cynically believes
his act is as hopeless as a sweaty salesman's and twice as sleazy
One silent harmony does occur within the night though
like a despondent song between the willingly mute.
and hence how desperate they were was the only common land
they failed to see they stood on together