Jump to content


i'm not sure what to do.

Recommended Posts

I have tried to stop self harming and it's not working. I have been cutting for a little over 2 years and have tried to stop multiple times, but with no luck. I had stopped for about 3 months and relapsed about an hour ago. I can't control myself when I feel emotions and I absolutely hate it. I can't talk about it in person, or I break down. Any replies would be nice. I would just like to talk to people that don't know me as a person and have never met me, it helps a lot.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's really challenging to find other ways to regulate emotions without self harming once that's become a "go to" method. It's something that's helping you in the short term to deal with what's going on, but sadly causes more problems in the long run.

One of the best ways to learn some of these skills is through a fairly intensive program called dialectical behavioral therapy. It's annoying as shit to learn, and obnoxious to use sometimes, but it can really be a game changer. The "full meal deal' of DBT consists of a weekly psychoeducation group, a weekly individual session to help apply the skills to your situation, phone coaching for skills in the moment, psych med consult, and a weekly treatment team meeting (happens without participants). It's not the only way to address self harming, but it's a really comprehensive way to dig in and pick up alternative ways to deal with life.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi @ideallymark! I do not have problems with self hatming (I have anxiety and depression ) but I have a lot of experience in trying to change unhelpful behavior patterns.

  One thing that I noticed about your post is that you say you have tried to stop self harming with " no success" and then you go on to say that you (successfully ☺) stopped self harming for 3 months. The fact that you have returned to old behaviors does not take away the time where you weren't self harming! Maybe you could give yourself some credit for what you achieved? 

I second the idea of finding a program or therapist to help you. 

Good luck!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think Wooster and amskray make great points. I especially agree with the fact that 3 months is a success and you can keep building on it. Finding alternatives to the times when you would previously self injure is absolutely essential, and you're probably going to have to try a lot of different things to see which ones work for you. You did 3 months once. You can do it again. Over time you'll be able to go longer

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Similar Content

    • By Lounger
      So ive been on lamictal for almost 3 months aswell as lithhium and ive noticed a huge change. Btw im bipolar 1 with seasonal mood changes like manic in spring and summer and depression in winter so forth.anyway ive been noticing i cant get out of bed lately and my work performance and concentration are terrible rn does anyone else know these feelings or is it just me? I have always used lithium but never expierenced this before.
    • By lightriso
      So I've been clean for almost three months now.
      Today my mom and I got into a huge argument. She mentioned something along the lines of, "you're gonna be pissed off so you're gonna go cut yourself huh?" It really upset me for some reason. The way she said it was so cold, like it was an insult. I thought she really cared though. Then she said something similar to, "you're gonna cut your arm."  When I went back into my room, I couldn't help but cry. When she brought the topic of self harming up, it was the first time I even thought about it in months. It was a sick reminder. I don't know, I'm not really looking for advice or anything. I just wanted to get that off my chest.
    • By lightriso
      First of all, happy new year everyone!
      Okay, so I said I was going to do 'No cut December'. And I made it! 
      I realized I'm much more happier without self harm. I even stopped counting the days unconsciously, self harm wasn't a daily thought anymore. Whenever I felt down, hurting myself didn't even cross my mind. 
      So in 2018 I will continue my road to recovery. Thank you all for supporting me on this forum.
    • By cwell
      I'm almost 30 and I'm severely depressed. I take medication, but that's not always enough. I began hurting myself in June of this year. I don't have many scars, but the ones I have are noticeable. This summer was one of the most stressful of my life. I'm embarrassed, being as old as I am, that I couldn't control my emotions. I don't think particularly highly of myself. I still live with my mom because I'm a walking shit-show. 
      I told my mom I self harm. I cut, scratch and burn myself. I've had two therapists and both know that I do these things to myself. My current therapist thought it would be good to tell my mom...or eventually tell her. I also think about suicide a lot (at least once a day). Mom knows this and so does my therapist.
      I felt good about myself today, so I told Mom. I felt brave and I it seemed like a good idea at the time. I was disappointed with her reaction. She said it was a cliche thing to do...that she didn't think I was so mainstream. She said she thought my brand of "crazy" was more unique. To be honest, I don't think she believes I have a mental illness. She thinks I'm just a creative type. I am...but I'm also unwell. I don't like to whine and I don't want to have to explain myself. She's depressed too, so I don't know how she doesn't understand. She wants there to be a reason behind my moods. Sometimes there isn't. Sometimes I'm just overwhelmed. 
      I've stopped hurting myself. It's been three weeks since my last incident. I feel pretty in control of my urges, which is why I confessed. I knew Mom would think I was stupid for self-harming. She's known other people who did it so I've already heard what she really thinks about people who do it...that it's a way to get attention, it's a sign of weakness, it's unoriginal, it's stupid...
      Mom said she was disappointed in me, then she said she was scared because she'd missed the signals. She didn't miss them...I'm just very good at hiding things. She kind of made the conversation about her. I found myself apologizing to her and telling her it wasn't her fault. She said our relationship was based on trust and now she isn't sure she should give me my privacy. She made it sound like I took advantage of her trust. She said this was a betrayal. She thinks this means I'm much closer to suicide. I'm not...I just needed to feel something and I needed an emotional release. 
      She said she'd respected my privacy and refrained from "delving" into my psyche. Then she said if she had delved, she'd have found this out sooner. I think she regrets trusting me. She has a tendency to leave me alone when I need help and invade when I need to be alone. Most of the time I just want someone to sit quietly with me. That helps more than anything. I've got a therapist...now I need a friend. 
      Mom said my scars would never go away and asked if I'd considered what it would be like to explain these things to a significant other.
      I don't date. I haven't had a romantic relationship in almost a decade. I haven't found anyone I like. I'm picky and high maintenance. I fully admit that. I also don't give a damn what people think about my scars. I know what I did to my body. I don't need to be shamed for it. I'm proud I could handle the pain. The scars remind me that I hit some very low points and survived. They remind me I'm real.
      Mom said we shouldn't tell my brother. He'd panic. I don't want to tell my brother either. I'm used to hiding the worst of my problems from him. Mom is usually in favor of telling him everything. I think she doesn't want him to worry and she doesn't want him to blame her. She kind of made the situation about her and how she'd failed. I don't mean to sound selfish, but it wasn't the conversation I hoped to have. I tried to explain that I needed a little more support.
      I spoke quietly. I was embarrassed. She told me to stop talking so softly. She didn't want me to act or pretend. I admit I'm mellow dramatic, but I wasn't being dramatic this time. I just felt small. I don't know how to explain it. I'm depersonalized so it was easy to "zone out" after that.  
      In the end she said she was proud of me for telling her. She took back a few of the harsher comments. She went to bed early and said she needed to think. She shut down a bit. I asked if we were ok, if our relationship was ok and she said yes. I have no idea if she meant that.
      I regret telling her. I promised I'd be honest from here on out, but that's just another lie. I'm done hurting myself. If I hadn't told her, she'd never know and I'd never have to hear the things she said. I love her very much and I don't mean to be ungrateful, but she's not as supportive as she thinks she is. She puts up with a lot from me and I'm tired of making her feel bad. I've got to stop telling her things. I keep thinking I should be honest, but it always backfires and I end up feeling worse. I can't keep my mouth shut. I always think it's better for our relationship to be honest, but it isn't. 
      My scars were mine. Now they're not. I hate that so much. I'm so embarrassed. I need a support system and I hate that I need anything.
      I wish I had someone in my life I could be honest with. I can't tell my brother these things without breaking his heart. I can't tell my mom without her blaming herself. Telling my therapist is nice, but it's not quite enough. It's not terribly personal. I feel so alone and so stupid and somehow still feel completely blank and empty. I shouldn't have told her. I should have kept my big mouth shut. It was a secret and it was mine. I gave it away for nothing. I don't even know what I wanted or expected. I'm an idiot. 
      I'm ultimately happier alone. I don't know why I long for someone to understand. I'm not terribly gregarious and I don't like talking to other people. I certainly don't want to burden anyone with my problems. Logically, I know I should be able to handle this on my own without someone holding my hand like I'm a child. I'm not helpless. I'm not needy. I don't know what's wrong with me.
      Sorry for rambling. Thanks for reading. 
    • By lightriso
      Okay so my group of friends got into a huge argument today, I witnessed it over text.
      But one of my really close friends (one of the best people I've ever known), she got really mad and relapsed after being clean for so long.
      I feel really bad, I don't know what to do, I want the people I love to be the happiest people in the world.
      I'm not triggered, I'm just asking for advice. I want my best friend to be happy.