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cryinginmoscow

Help me because I want this to be the end... Of my life

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The format of this letter may be jumbled because I have not read or written any letter for months now. Before I used to write slightly more but even this wasn't enough to make up for the lack of involvement in academia after dropping out of school. The point is, my cognitive skills are declining. I don't believe this letter can be structured formally as there is no time to explain my entire life - a life that has a jumbled plot. 
 
 
After March, I have not left my house to socialise. I cannot remember these months. I have been in my room, yes believe it or not, with the curtains drawn for months. I began binge eating again. I have gained perhaps 20-25kg and I can't stop. Maybe this would not have been the case if I continued my medication but for a moment I stopped caring and felt hopeless and that suicide was inevitable and so I saw no point in taking my medication.
 
Now I can really compare and tell you that Brintellix is horrible. It has done nothing. I felt no difference on and off Brintellix for my depression/anxiety/eating. 
 
Dr Balu I write to you, not because I want to kill myself but because I want to live and I require your assistance with prescribing medicine so you may prescribe a new medicine cocktail for my needs.
 
Dr Balu, I will write the conditions I live in as of these last few months. Darkroom, without bathing, brushing my teeth or changing my clothes (including underwear) for two months. My white T-Shirt is yellow. Dr Balu, I have barricaded myself in my room two days in a row, peeing into a bottle because I feel ashamed and embarrassed for my family to see me. No, I have not even been outside in my garden because I fear people will see me and judge me for the weight I have put back on. End of November I have cut both wrists (superficial, of course, to avoid medical intervention because I do not want people to see me in the physical state I am in) I am writing out to you so you can help remedy my symptoms. 
 
I want to engage in healthy eating and exercise but I need to regain strength and mood.
 
I am severely depressed, my depression is disgusting.
My anxiety is horrific with a form of agoraphobia.
My binge eating disorder is a disaster. 
 
My GP is a textbook GP not knowing what to prescribe and it isn't his job. 
The psychiatrists within my local care facility are not trained for this level. They rotate on prescribing the same medicines and never try anything different or new. 
 
Please can we discuss options for medicine
For my depression, anxiety and binge eating 

If you need more information I will send my psychiatrist reports. 

 

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Hi.  Did you send this to your doctor? That sounds like a good step to have taken! You are in a terrible place right now but you don't have to stay stuck there. You are reaching out and that is good! 

I care about you. 

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4 hours ago, amskray said:

Hi.  Did you send this to your doctor? That sounds like a good step to have taken! You are in a terrible place right now but you don't have to stay stuck there. You are reaching out and that is good! 

I care about you. 

Yes I sent this to him he replied for a short while and then stopped. I don't think he will reply again. Private psychiatrists in the UK are afraid of cases like this because it may reflect on them poorly. I tried messaging him telling him I strictly emailed him for his medical psychiatric input in prescribing new medication, but no reply. Maybe he's busy... I don't know :( I need help

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I am sorry that you are struggling!  Is there a crisis line that you can call or text?

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