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nancycarol

White Zinfindel and Ambien

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I have been sober for three days. This is the first time I have posted on here though I have lurked for years. I am bipolar. I take so many drugs it's difficult to remember all of them.  The major ones are the nighttime ones. 800 of Seroquel, 10 Ambien, trazodone, Topamax, Lamictal. I started drinking about 3 years ago. Just a glass of wine occasionally. Then I started buying it by the box. One glass in the evening became two, then three. I made myself wait until five pm before taking a drink and never allowed myself to drive afterward so I thought I was doing fine. I live alone. I have no children, no husband, etc. In June of this year, 2017, my niece died of an overdose. It hit me very hard.  Instead of one box of wine I started buying 2. In the last couple of months I  decided it was okay to start drinking at 3 instead of 5. When I talked to my friends on the phone I was sure my voice wasn't slurred and that they had no idea I was drinking too much. Before bed I started downing my pills with about 8 ounces of wine. To be honest, which I'm trying to be, it was more like 12. I would just chug it down. Last week a friend spent the night. She heard me fall from the bed and came to check on me. She couldn't wake me. She managed to get me back into bed and left me to sleep it off. Thursday night I had hallucinations. People visiting me, etc. Friday I called a friend who is an alcoholic and bipolar but hasn't had a drink in 13 years. He took me to an AA meeting. I was very uncomfortable there. I kept thinking that I was not like these people. I had never had a DUI, I wasn't there under a court order, I hadn't lost my children. I had only almost killed myself several times. 

It's late. I needed to talk. I couldn't tell anyone all of this. Maybe they would judge or worry or stick me in a hospital. I talked to a few of them but couldn't tell them the really bad stuff. 

Thanks for listening.

 

 

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Hi, nancycarol. Welcome to CB. 

I’m glad you’re here and willing to talk, and I'm so sorry about your niece. I’m glad you’ve gotten to a point where you want to be honest, with yourself and with other people. Our nighttime meds are pretty similar, and I’m not at all surprised your friend couldn’t wake you the other night. I know what happens if I have a couple of drinks before bed. We call that sort of combo “die like a rock star” territory. 

We don’t like it when our members die. So you should live. See how easy that was?

I imagine you’ll get more responses tomorrow. In the meantime, again, welcome. Please PM me or any of the other mods if you need help navigating the site.

Gearhead 

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