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@quietly bonkers I'm curious if you (or anyone here) ever expresses how they really feel to anyone? Have you ever reached out to anyone and told them that you feel lonely, or isolated or sad? If so, how do people react? I find that most people don't understand or they don't want to...I have told closer friends in the past of my issue with depression and they just end up disappearing. How old is your child? Does your husband understand your isolation or MI issues, can he be supportive/empathetic? I want more than anything to have a pet now.....

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I do, yes. I have no shame towards my illnesses at all. I deal with the generally dismal responses by accepting that I can't change or control how other people respond to me. I can only manage how it effects me. They are my issues, I own them, I am the one who knows the truth and I get by with that. 

Comparing myself to others serves no beneficial use to me, nor does expecting others to understand what I go through each day, so I have learnt to reduce doing both of those for my own personal sanity. 

I have learnt to not care what others think of me, for the most part. Call it self-absorbed, but it is my life, no one else's. I have too much time on my hands to allow myself to care what others think of me. Obviously if their behaviour is abusive, that is a different story. 

I don't care to lie to myself for the sake of someone else. Yes, I tend to be private about my mental illnesses, but if someone asks or it is a requirement to disclose, I tell them. Not everything, but the basics. 

I don't understand isolation, to be quite honest. At all. I don't need to be around people to validate myself. I don't require reassurances or reinforcements from anyone. In fact I purposely isolate myself as a coping mechanism because people are exhausting. 

If people don't want to understand, that is their problem. If they can't, so be it, its not the end of the world, and really, if I am so desperate for external validation, my life requires a reassessment, because that is no sustainable or functional way to exist. 

I look at myself and my inner life and find ways to enrich both of them instead. Lonely to me equals literally not being able to have a place in the world that I am compatible with for my own wellbeing. Has nothing to do with social interaction at all. Yes, I do deal with that, it's part of my life and there is nothing I can do about it except learn to accept myself and the way I am as a person. 

 

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7 hours ago, Blahblah said:

@quietly bonkers I'm curious if you (or anyone here) ever expresses how they really feel to anyone? Have you ever reached out to anyone and told them that you feel lonely, or isolated or sad? If so, how do people react? I find that most people don't understand or they don't want to...I have told closer friends in the past of my issue with depression and they just end up disappearing. How old is your child? Does your husband understand your isolation or MI issues, can he be supportive/empathetic? I want more than anything to have a pet now.....

When I have told people how I feel, they get defensive and/or awkward and then disappear, with the exception of close family. My husband is supportive but my therapist has to remind me to tell him things (in part because I get paranoid).

I would love a cat or a dog, we are just waiting till the little boy is mature enough not to torture it. Lol.

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11 hours ago, Blahblah said:

I'm curious if you (or anyone here) ever expresses how they really feel to anyone? Have you ever reached out to anyone and told them that you feel lonely, or isolated or sad? If so, how do people react? I find that most people don't understand or they don't want to.....Does your husband understand your isolation or MI issues, can he be supportive/empathetic? 

I find most people do not understand either.  The husband does not understand, if I talk about the depressive feelings he actually gets angry because it doesn't make sense why I think such awful thoughts about myself, and he is frustrated that I am not seeing reality as he does.  I find that he'll be more supportive if I omit details - I say "I'm not feeling well today" or "I'm having a lot of anxiety" and that he can handle.  He'll know to be careful with criticism or give me space.  I think I've learned that it is hard for someone without MI to understand it, because to them it seems irrational (which of course it is) and they can't understand why we think that way.  

It's funny how my child (age 12) growing up with me senses my moods like they are a weather forecast.  She seems to know when to give me space or keep quiet, and she doesn't react when I have a meltdown, which makes me feel awful.  She sits patiently and waits for me to compose myself, tells me it's going to be okay.  Nothing worse than feeling like the child is being the adult one in the situation.I also feel like I can tell her the same things as her dad (not feeling well, really nervous and worried today, etc) and she'll respond accordingly.  The one thing she's not patient with is my OCD, she says it's creepy.  But she seems to have accepted it (the garage is shut mom, you already checked it, but go back and check it again if you have to).

The details only come out here I'm afraid, it is just not something people understand.  I am lucky that i have one friend I see once in a while (we don't talk a lot, but when we do, its a godsend) who also has MI so I can be open with her.  We were in tears with laughter when we found out we both have obsessions with the same number and have to do everything in multiples of that same number.  

And my dog has anxiety and OCD (for real).  Husband says that is why she won't leave my side, we are too much alike.  When I have more in common with the dog than the humans in the house, it is kind of weird.

So in a nutshell, most people in my life (coworkers, etc) have no idea I even have MI.  Even with those who know, I keep any information high level, because the details freak people out.  I try to remember that it doesn't make sense to someone who's never experienced it, they have no frame of reference for it to fit into their view of the world.

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I think the best times I've had are spent in isolation.

Although I have few friends and only sporadically date...

It helps to have other people in your life, if just for a distraction.

I've felt alone ever since I started having panic attacks at 20 yo, cause it's pretty much not something anyone can comfort you in or help with, or even be with you on....

Edited by BrianOCD

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