Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

   

Hello crazyboards,

All of a sudden, I have been depressed over the past couple days.  For a while now I have been on a path of personal growth, and trying to improve my life by continuing to make gradual changes and be a more active participant in life.  A lot of the positive changes have enriched my life greatly.  One of the positive changes I made, was attempting to dump my crazy ex who has proven *impossible* to get rid of. (But that is another story for another thread.)  To be honest, some days are difficult.  I have been going through a lot of transitions.  I recently had a milestone birthday (30), I have out grown a lot of the people in my life (who are actually pretty effed up individuals under the surface), and there has been serious strain on close relationships.  

To try to help manage some of the stress I saw a healer for some energy work.  Afterward, it seemed to help tremendously.  For a solid month I was full of energy, taking excellent care of myself, and very productive.  Cue two days ago, and the honeymoon phase is over.  All of a sudden this silent depression started creeping in.  On a surface level I feel that I have nothing to be terribly depressed about.  On a deeper level, I know that my life is less than ideal.  The difference, is that I am usually filled with a positive "can do" attitude about improving it.  Of course, there is also the ever-present struggle with the illness which many of us can sometimes be in denial about. 

So for whatever reason, it happened.  I got depressed.  Not-sad, melancholy, hopeless, overcome with emotion,-depressed.  Just depressed.  I think it started when I tried to do a positive thing for myself, at which I failed.  About five days ago I attempted to finally quit nicotine gum for good.  I quickly realized that this simply would not be possible for me at this time in my life. 

Lately, I have little motivation to do anything.  For about a week now, I have gone back to taking poor care of myself and eating poorly.  Nothing sounds "inviting" to me when I think of fun things I could do.  My emotions are dulled, yet on some level I feel this pesky throbbing ache coming from somewhere...Like as if I were getting hit with a hammer...in the heart.   

I am writing this thread for no other reason than to just say that depression blows....the big one.  And if you are reading this and you are depressed, you are not the only one.

I am going to fight it though.  I am going to continue to do non-depressive things until my attitude follows my life style.  In the meantime, it sucks trying to function when you are "running on empty" so to speak.    

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

With depression there is nothing you did to cause it and needs no reason to appear. Depression is not an attitude, it is a serious illness. Good luck with smiling your way out  of depression.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
40 minutes ago, notloki said:

With depression there is nothing you did to cause it and needs no reason to appear. Depression is not an attitude, it is a serious illness. Good luck with smiling your way out  of depression.

i dont agree its the best way either, but suggest getting some help perhaps

2 hours ago, AbilifyedBunny said:

   

Hello crazyboards,

All of a sudden, I have been depressed over the past couple days.  For a while now I have been on a path of personal growth, and trying to improve my life by continuing to make gradual changes and be a more active participant in life.  A lot of the positive changes have enriched my life greatly.  One of the positive changes I made, was attempting to dump my crazy ex who has proven *impossible* to get rid of. (But that is another story for another thread.)  To be honest, some days are difficult.  I have been going through a lot of transitions.  I recently had a milestone birthday (30), I have out grown a lot of the people in my life (who are actually pretty effed up individuals under the surface), and there has been serious strain on close relationships.  

To try to help manage some of the stress I saw a healer for some energy work.  Afterward, it seemed to help tremendously.  For a solid month I was full of energy, taking excellent care of myself, and very productive.  Cue two days ago, and the honeymoon phase is over.  All of a sudden this silent depression started creeping in.  On a surface level I feel that I have nothing to be terribly depressed about.  On a deeper level, I know that my life is less than ideal.  The difference, is that I am usually filled with a positive "can do" attitude about improving it.  Of course, there is also the ever-present struggle with the illness which many of us can sometimes be in denial about. 

So for whatever reason, it happened.  I got depressed.  Not-sad, melancholy, hopeless, overcome with emotion,-depressed.  Just depressed.  I think it started when I tried to do a positive thing for myself, at which I failed.  About five days ago I attempted to finally quit nicotine gum for good.  I quickly realized that this simply would not be possible for me at this time in my life. 

Lately, I have little motivation to do anything.  For about a week now, I have gone back to taking poor care of myself and eating poorly.  Nothing sounds "inviting" to me when I think of fun things I could do.  My emotions are dulled, yet on some level I feel this pesky throbbing ache coming from somewhere...Like as if I were getting hit with a hammer...in the heart.   

I am writing this thread for no other reason than to just say that depression blows....the big one.  And if you are reading this and you are depressed, you are not the only one.

I am going to fight it though.  I am going to continue to do non-depressive things until my attitude follows my life style.  In the meantime, it sucks trying to function when you are "running on empty" so to speak.    

get to a doctor, pref a psychiatrist and get some help, a therapist as well, if all else fails your pcp.............depression is a B** dont fight it alone

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, looking for answers said:

i dont agree its the best way either, but suggest getting some help perhaps

get to a doctor, pref a psychiatrist and get some help, a therapist as well, if all else fails your pcp.............depression is a B** dont fight it alone

I agree.  Luckily I am seeing my psychiatrist this week.  Depression definitely can have a life of its own at times.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, AbilifyedBunny said:

I agree.  Luckily I am seeing my psychiatrist this week.  Depression definitely can have a life of its own at times.

great, let us know how it goes

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, notloki said:

With depression there is nothing you did to cause it and needs no reason to appear. Depression is not an attitude, it is a serious illness. Good luck with smiling your way out  of depression.

For some odd reason my reply did not show up after I posted it.  In less words, I will restate what I had said before:

You do not need to explain this to someone who has suffered from crippling clinical depressions throughout their teens and adulthood.  I am not on that band wagon of people who think that depression is a choice that a person makes or does not require treatment.  While there are some types of depression that cannot be helped with willful postivity, and they are *not* to be minimized, there are symptoms that can be better managed through ones thoughts, actions, attitudes, and choices.  I have had depressions that lasted longer because I chose to wallow in my issues, whereas others dissipated quicker as I made healthier choices for myself.  If there were no catharsis in positive self-talk, constructive behavior, coping skills, self-reflection, and insight there would be no need for therapists.  Yet therapists help many people in ways that medications alone cannot.  My therapist sometimes reminds me that medication will not do all of the work.  Many people benefit from CBT because it helps to adjust thinking, which can play a direct role in severity of symptoms.  Good choices must be made all the while.  It is not for you to decide what works or doesn't work for another person.  Also, I regularly see a psychiatrist so it is not as though I am trying to act like a chemical component does not exist.       

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My latest depression, making it my third clinical, came while things were going great for me...

I was working plenty, dating, etc...felt good, was on the right track.

Gradually I started missing days of work, saw my energy leaving, started feeling more anxiety, admit tingly there were a couple of stressful things involved...Until finally I realized I relapsed.  Nothing I could do to stop it, still battling to get out of it 5 months later.  Depression is one where I definitely agree it's chemical and you can't always stop it on your own...

Edited by BrianOCD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, BrianOCD said:

My latest depression, making it my third clinical, came while things were going great for me...

I was working plenty, dating, etc...felt good, was on the right track.

Gradually I started missing days of work, saw my energy leaving, started feeling more anxiety, admit tingly there were a couple of stressful things involved...Until finally I realized I relapsed.  Nothing I could do to stop it, still battling to get out of it 5 months later.  Depression is one where I definitely agree it's chemical and you can't always stop it on your own...

I hear you.  I have had a similar experience.  It's definitely not easy, but it's good that you had the insight to realize that it was not your fault.  Not everybody realizes that.       

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

*I think what I said was misinterpreted.  I did not for one second mean that I was going to try combat depression through wishful thinking or willpower.  What I meant was that I wasn't going to allow myself to stay "stuck" in depression.  While in treatment, I have continued healthy habits and functioning to the best of my ability.  What I meant was that I will continue to take therapeutic action *while* the treatment takes effect.  It wasn't meant to be a literal thing, although I can see why it was misinterpreted by some.  In a clinical depression, it is not always possible to continue with daily functioning depending on the severity but fortunately at the moment I can.  I do believe it can help.  I have also been advised by treatment providers that it can, although I am not a professional so take what I say with a grain of salt.  No, depression is not simply going to go away by its self.  It is a serious psychiatric disorder.  I realize that.  But one can choose whether or not they get help which is half of the battle.  After receiving proper treatment what you do is up to you.  Staying active and making healthy choices is effective for me.  I cannot speak for others.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe there are different levels of depression and some respond well to positivity and mindfulness. There also are depressions so thick with chemical imbalance that meds are the only effective treatment. In between, I believe both approaches help. The challenge is recognizing where on the spectrum your symptoms are. If positive attitude and healthfulness either aren't working or aren't possible, it's time to see the doc. Don't be fooled that you are too lazy to implement a more positive lifestyle. That you aren't suggests a med change is possibly necessary.

Edited by Stacia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Similar Content

    • By complainjane
      Hi. Years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar II but after 6-7 years of messing with med cocktails I'm seriously wondering if I'm not just depressed and that's that.
      I've never had mania. Never had a "high". I definitely get depressed- and sometimes, when not medicated, I can get extremely irritable.
      My psychiatrist says that the irritability is my version of "mania" but I've never seen anyone else describe going through this or having this kind of bipolar. I've never seen this listed as the symptoms of bipolar anywhere. I don't fit the criteria of bipolar II that I've seen written anywhere. I just can't relate to anything I've read.
      Also, when I get depressed, it's accompanied by sheer panic. Not flat-out panic attacks but just feelings of dread and fear. I become convinced I'm going to lose my job, lose my house, etc. Things at work haven't been perfect but the level of fear I experience is completely out of proportion to the situation and it feels "chemical". I also feel like someone is sitting on my chest... I feel it in my chest and shoulders. It's bizarre.
      Can anyone relate to any of this?
    • By complainjane
      Hi. I just started Vraylar today, we're trying it in place of Latuda, which doesn't seem to be doing anything for my BPII depression. Has anyone had any experience with Vraylar and depression?
      Looking forward to hearing everyone's experiences. Thanks.
    • By mikl_pls
      My apologies for the long post, I'll try to keep it as brief as possible.
      As the title says, I'm just picometers away from checking myself into a psych ward. I have shit going on in my life with my family that I'm just about done with trying to care about and mange. We have a live-in "stray" we picked up who is a mooch, a biggot, a homophobe (I'm gay), an a real class A ass hole. My friend and I and him got into a shouting match last night and he almost got violent with us. Of course, my mom, who is infatuated with him (and if I didn't know any better, is having an affair with him), hardly did anything to intervene except saying "stop yelling!" But that's another thing, I digress.
      Not to mention, my mood has been on a downswing the last month into a massive, bottomless-pit of a depressive episode. I knew it was too good for me to be feeling good for as long as I did. It was the first time in years to be feeling that good for as long as I did. I was probably actually hypomanic because I got myself into some pretty nasty credit card debt that I can't pay off because I'm unemployed and have no source of income. I knew I was due for a depressive episode sooner or later, which is fantastic because now I don't have the willpower to get a job.
      I can't get to my pdoc until, at the very soonest, Wednesday, and it's not guaranteed that I'll even get to see her then. It may be Friday, or even next week.
      I'm heavily considering checking into a psych ward. I've talked with friends about which one in my area is the best one, and I think I've decided which one to go to. I'm just scared to death of being stripped of my belongings like my cell phone and everything. I'd like to at least have my pen and notebook so I could journal or something. Is that really what they do? Do they treat you like prisoners?
      I've been taking copious amounts of Restoril (> 360 mg ) + gabapentin (>3600 mg) + Valium (> 40 mg) + Xanax (> 6 mg) + Thorazine (> 100 mg) + Zanaflex (> 12 mg) all at once just to feel out of my body. I want to be gone. I want to be away. I don't want to die, I just want to be gone. Away. Not here. Just for a while. I don't want to be anywhere. I just want to go away for a long time and come back when things are better. I've been doing this every night for the past few days. My parents and best friend know about it, and it breaks their hearts to know I'm doing it, but I can't help it. I feel like I need to do it. I ran out of Restoril, so I've just been taking the combo without the Restoril. I've been slowly escalating the dose of gabapentin as I started out at 2400 mg. I'm almost out of Valium as they're 2 mg pills. I'm almost out of Xanax and Thorazine. Soon I'll just be left with gabapentin.
      Please help me. I don't know what to do. I'm scared of this guy living with us, he has long overstayed his welcome. He was supposed to move out once he got a place of his own. He has a place of his own, he just has to fix it up. He hasn't worked on it in months. I'm terrified of him. I'm having paranoid hallucinations of him coming to harm me even when he's not here.
    • By whyamihere33
      Hi, everyone. This is my first post! I was diagnosed with atypical depression a while ago and was wondering if anyone else has been dealing with it.
      According to WebMD, one thing that differentiates atypical depression from melancholic depression is "mood reactivity" and it also is characterized by a "more intense reaction or increased sensitivity to rejection, resulting in problems with social and work relationships."  
      I do have these issues and also have another thing on the list, which is "a feeling of being weighted down, paralyzed, or 'leaden'".  Adderall often helps with this feeling, but is by no means a cure-all.
      Anyway, the "mood reactivity" is interesting to me as I've often felt like I was a little bit BPD, maybe Borderline Lite??  Yes, I definitely feel things very intensely (which sucks), have a massive fear of abandonment and rejection, BUT I don't engage in reckless activities like sex with strangers or manipulation tactics, guilt tripping people, attention whore type behavior, etc. I basically just accept it when someone doesn't want to engage with me (it hurts a LOT, but I'd rather just deal than make it worse/embarrass myself by creating drama).
      Having said that, I often do feel like I'm still a teenager on the inside (am in my early 40s)!  Maybe I am emotionally stunted, I don't know. I have an "inner adult" as well, but under stress my inner teenager seems to hijack my thoughts and feelings at times.
      Anyway, I thought it was interesting that this "atypical depression" encompasses these BPD/Complex PTSD-like symptoms and was curious to hear your guys' thoughts. Maybe it is a diagnosis for people who have grown out of their BPDish symptoms enough to need a different category?  Although, I could be wrong/oversimplifying...
    • By troop111
      Greetings,
      I have been struggling with my Bipolar II depression for years, and am now going to pursue ECT due to my being medication resistant. I take 250mg/day of Lamictal (an anticonvulsant), 12mg/day of Valium, and an anti-depressant.
      I had a consultation with the ECT doctor, and he said that not only will my Lamictal make it difficult for him to induce a proper seizure, which I was already aware of, but that Valium, a benzodiazepine, also prevents seizures. I never knew that, but apparently paramedics use a benzodiazepine nose spray for people having seizures.
      So I got hit with two barrels when I was only expecting one: Not only will the Lamictal hinder ECT, but so will my Valium, a benzodiazepine.
      I have hyper-withdrawal syndrome, so I can't just drop the Lamictal (which stopped working years ago) and begin ECT. I'm also at a good Valium dose which I don't want to mess with. The doctor will have to increase the electric charge sent to my brain (as relative to someone not on two drugs that prevent convulsions) in order to induce a seizure.
      I'm understandably wary of having electricity sent through my brain, but given my particular circumstances, I have nothing left to lose. But as stated above, a larger-than-normal charge of electricity will need to be used. I worry that such a high voltage could have lifelong negative side effects, like chronic migraines for instance. Have studies even been done using such potentially high electric charges in modern ECT therapy and what kind of unknown dangers that could elicit?
      Bipolar patients usually have an AC in their med regiment, as well as a benzo of some kind, and I'm sure lots of people with treatment-resistant BP II depression have had ECT. How did they do it? The doctor also said that as treatment continues (Mon, Wed, Fri. for a couple weeks) even a normal person not on seizure-inhibiting drugs has to have the voltage increased with each treatment, as if the brain develops a type of tolerance to the procedures.
      For the sake of simplicity, let's say the voltage scale is from 1-10, with 1 being the typical charge sent into an ECT patient's brain who's not taking two drugs that inhibit seizures. As stated above, the doctor told me it's not uncommon to have to increase the voltage for a regular person not on the drugs I'm on as treatment progresses. Well, I'm taking 250mg of Lamictal and 12mg of Valium daily. For me, let's say instead of 1 voltage, it takes 4 for the first procedure. By the time the entire ECT regiment is finished, let's suppose a regular person will have ended up on a voltage charge of 5. For me, with my seizure-inhibiting drugs, let's say I end up at a 10+ voltage charge. That's what I'm afraid of. Relatively (in the modern sense) untested ECT territory and its effects on the brain.
      I'm aware of the side effects for ECT for regular people, and I'm not bothered. Like I said, I need help desperately. But in my case, essentially taking TWO anticonvulsants, could my brain be permanently damaged by electric charges that could end up being substantially greater than 95% of people who have this procedure done? Do I need to worry that I'll develop side effects, potentially lifelong? Side effects/damage that would be very rare for someone receiving normal, low-voltage charges? Chronic migraines, ticks, general cognitive defects, noticeable loss in creative ability, writing ability, etc. I'll be receiving high-voltage charges, potentially much higher charges than 95% of people who undergo ECT. And as like normal patients, each treatment should require an ever-increasing charge to induce the seizure.
      What should I think about all of this? What should I do?
      I'm in an acute depressive state right now, so treatment may begin in just days. Any help is much appreciated.
      Thanks!
      Troop
×