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Hello crazyboards,

All of a sudden, I have been depressed over the past couple days.  For a while now I have been on a path of personal growth, and trying to improve my life by continuing to make gradual changes and be a more active participant in life.  A lot of the positive changes have enriched my life greatly.  One of the positive changes I made, was attempting to dump my crazy ex who has proven *impossible* to get rid of. (But that is another story for another thread.)  To be honest, some days are difficult.  I have been going through a lot of transitions.  I recently had a milestone birthday (30), I have out grown a lot of the people in my life (who are actually pretty effed up individuals under the surface), and there has been serious strain on close relationships.  

To try to help manage some of the stress I saw a healer for some energy work.  Afterward, it seemed to help tremendously.  For a solid month I was full of energy, taking excellent care of myself, and very productive.  Cue two days ago, and the honeymoon phase is over.  All of a sudden this silent depression started creeping in.  On a surface level I feel that I have nothing to be terribly depressed about.  On a deeper level, I know that my life is less than ideal.  The difference, is that I am usually filled with a positive "can do" attitude about improving it.  Of course, there is also the ever-present struggle with the illness which many of us can sometimes be in denial about. 

So for whatever reason, it happened.  I got depressed.  Not-sad, melancholy, hopeless, overcome with emotion,-depressed.  Just depressed.  I think it started when I tried to do a positive thing for myself, at which I failed.  About five days ago I attempted to finally quit nicotine gum for good.  I quickly realized that this simply would not be possible for me at this time in my life. 

Lately, I have little motivation to do anything.  For about a week now, I have gone back to taking poor care of myself and eating poorly.  Nothing sounds "inviting" to me when I think of fun things I could do.  My emotions are dulled, yet on some level I feel this pesky throbbing ache coming from somewhere...Like as if I were getting hit with a hammer...in the heart.   

I am writing this thread for no other reason than to just say that depression blows....the big one.  And if you are reading this and you are depressed, you are not the only one.

I am going to fight it though.  I am going to continue to do non-depressive things until my attitude follows my life style.  In the meantime, it sucks trying to function when you are "running on empty" so to speak.    

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With depression there is nothing you did to cause it and needs no reason to appear. Depression is not an attitude, it is a serious illness. Good luck with smiling your way out  of depression.

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40 minutes ago, notloki said:

With depression there is nothing you did to cause it and needs no reason to appear. Depression is not an attitude, it is a serious illness. Good luck with smiling your way out  of depression.

i dont agree its the best way either, but suggest getting some help perhaps

2 hours ago, AbilifyedBunny said:

   

Hello crazyboards,

All of a sudden, I have been depressed over the past couple days.  For a while now I have been on a path of personal growth, and trying to improve my life by continuing to make gradual changes and be a more active participant in life.  A lot of the positive changes have enriched my life greatly.  One of the positive changes I made, was attempting to dump my crazy ex who has proven *impossible* to get rid of. (But that is another story for another thread.)  To be honest, some days are difficult.  I have been going through a lot of transitions.  I recently had a milestone birthday (30), I have out grown a lot of the people in my life (who are actually pretty effed up individuals under the surface), and there has been serious strain on close relationships.  

To try to help manage some of the stress I saw a healer for some energy work.  Afterward, it seemed to help tremendously.  For a solid month I was full of energy, taking excellent care of myself, and very productive.  Cue two days ago, and the honeymoon phase is over.  All of a sudden this silent depression started creeping in.  On a surface level I feel that I have nothing to be terribly depressed about.  On a deeper level, I know that my life is less than ideal.  The difference, is that I am usually filled with a positive "can do" attitude about improving it.  Of course, there is also the ever-present struggle with the illness which many of us can sometimes be in denial about. 

So for whatever reason, it happened.  I got depressed.  Not-sad, melancholy, hopeless, overcome with emotion,-depressed.  Just depressed.  I think it started when I tried to do a positive thing for myself, at which I failed.  About five days ago I attempted to finally quit nicotine gum for good.  I quickly realized that this simply would not be possible for me at this time in my life. 

Lately, I have little motivation to do anything.  For about a week now, I have gone back to taking poor care of myself and eating poorly.  Nothing sounds "inviting" to me when I think of fun things I could do.  My emotions are dulled, yet on some level I feel this pesky throbbing ache coming from somewhere...Like as if I were getting hit with a hammer...in the heart.   

I am writing this thread for no other reason than to just say that depression blows....the big one.  And if you are reading this and you are depressed, you are not the only one.

I am going to fight it though.  I am going to continue to do non-depressive things until my attitude follows my life style.  In the meantime, it sucks trying to function when you are "running on empty" so to speak.    

get to a doctor, pref a psychiatrist and get some help, a therapist as well, if all else fails your pcp.............depression is a B** dont fight it alone

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1 hour ago, looking for answers said:

i dont agree its the best way either, but suggest getting some help perhaps

get to a doctor, pref a psychiatrist and get some help, a therapist as well, if all else fails your pcp.............depression is a B** dont fight it alone

I agree.  Luckily I am seeing my psychiatrist this week.  Depression definitely can have a life of its own at times.

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1 minute ago, AbilifyedBunny said:

I agree.  Luckily I am seeing my psychiatrist this week.  Depression definitely can have a life of its own at times.

great, let us know how it goes

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2 hours ago, notloki said:

With depression there is nothing you did to cause it and needs no reason to appear. Depression is not an attitude, it is a serious illness. Good luck with smiling your way out  of depression.

For some odd reason my reply did not show up after I posted it.  In less words, I will restate what I had said before:

You do not need to explain this to someone who has suffered from crippling clinical depressions throughout their teens and adulthood.  I am not on that band wagon of people who think that depression is a choice that a person makes or does not require treatment.  While there are some types of depression that cannot be helped with willful postivity, and they are *not* to be minimized, there are symptoms that can be better managed through ones thoughts, actions, attitudes, and choices.  I have had depressions that lasted longer because I chose to wallow in my issues, whereas others dissipated quicker as I made healthier choices for myself.  If there were no catharsis in positive self-talk, constructive behavior, coping skills, self-reflection, and insight there would be no need for therapists.  Yet therapists help many people in ways that medications alone cannot.  My therapist sometimes reminds me that medication will not do all of the work.  Many people benefit from CBT because it helps to adjust thinking, which can play a direct role in severity of symptoms.  Good choices must be made all the while.  It is not for you to decide what works or doesn't work for another person.  Also, I regularly see a psychiatrist so it is not as though I am trying to act like a chemical component does not exist.       

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My latest depression, making it my third clinical, came while things were going great for me...

I was working plenty, dating, etc...felt good, was on the right track.

Gradually I started missing days of work, saw my energy leaving, started feeling more anxiety, admit tingly there were a couple of stressful things involved...Until finally I realized I relapsed.  Nothing I could do to stop it, still battling to get out of it 5 months later.  Depression is one where I definitely agree it's chemical and you can't always stop it on your own...

Edited by BrianOCD

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13 hours ago, BrianOCD said:

My latest depression, making it my third clinical, came while things were going great for me...

I was working plenty, dating, etc...felt good, was on the right track.

Gradually I started missing days of work, saw my energy leaving, started feeling more anxiety, admit tingly there were a couple of stressful things involved...Until finally I realized I relapsed.  Nothing I could do to stop it, still battling to get out of it 5 months later.  Depression is one where I definitely agree it's chemical and you can't always stop it on your own...

I hear you.  I have had a similar experience.  It's definitely not easy, but it's good that you had the insight to realize that it was not your fault.  Not everybody realizes that.       

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*I think what I said was misinterpreted.  I did not for one second mean that I was going to try combat depression through wishful thinking or willpower.  What I meant was that I wasn't going to allow myself to stay "stuck" in depression.  While in treatment, I have continued healthy habits and functioning to the best of my ability.  What I meant was that I will continue to take therapeutic action *while* the treatment takes effect.  It wasn't meant to be a literal thing, although I can see why it was misinterpreted by some.  In a clinical depression, it is not always possible to continue with daily functioning depending on the severity but fortunately at the moment I can.  I do believe it can help.  I have also been advised by treatment providers that it can, although I am not a professional so take what I say with a grain of salt.  No, depression is not simply going to go away by its self.  It is a serious psychiatric disorder.  I realize that.  But one can choose whether or not they get help which is half of the battle.  After receiving proper treatment what you do is up to you.  Staying active and making healthy choices is effective for me.  I cannot speak for others.

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I believe there are different levels of depression and some respond well to positivity and mindfulness. There also are depressions so thick with chemical imbalance that meds are the only effective treatment. In between, I believe both approaches help. The challenge is recognizing where on the spectrum your symptoms are. If positive attitude and healthfulness either aren't working or aren't possible, it's time to see the doc. Don't be fooled that you are too lazy to implement a more positive lifestyle. That you aren't suggests a med change is possibly necessary.

Edited by Stacia

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