I wish I had never been placed on it adjunctively for depression/anxiety. I was first embarrassed because it is classified as an antipsychotic. I was on the lowest dose for a few months. I gain about 15 pounds. I haven't been able to return to my pre-abilify weight. So frustrating.
Can anyone tell me what you take that has treated bipolar depression. I’m too scared to even touch an antidepressant with my history. I can’t get out of depression. When I think of my life since this illness onset I can only think of a handful of healthy times when I wasn’t at least mildly depressed. I am fighting so dam hard, and this is it. I have time off. I’m about to start getting short term disability and I’ll have at least 6 months to tinker with meds. I’ve already been tinkering with them for over a year and nothing is working for depression.
i thought lamictal would do it this time but it’s making me worse.
im desperate. I’m going to seriously look into Latuda with my pdoc but yes I am concerned about anxiety. I do have a goal to get off the .5 klonopin over the next several months. Maybe that is unrealistic or impossible.
So far this year, I think I've missed 17 days of work. There was a time I missed four days of work in January. I wasn't on medication at the time. I just had a hard time finding a new psych doctor until a few weeks ago (prescribed 20 mg of Latuda). I would just wake up and sometimes if it was raining, just decide I wasn't going to work. I just didn't care if I got fired or not. There were even days that I didn't get paid for. How about coming home with only $200.00? Despite this, I would continue missing work. I would make every excuse in the book. Thankfully I didn't get fired. The depression started around January after having a period of hypomania. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2011. I have these episodes generally in the Spring & Fall for some odd reason. Then I'm good to no one, but behave much better, just depressed, have no motivation to get off the couch.
I haven't missed a large amount of time from work since 2016 (out of work for longer than a month twice that year). Since taking Latuda, I felt a difference almost immediately, starting sleeping for the full night. I'm hoping this medication works well especially since my co-pay was $175.00. This month, I haven't missed one day of work (knock on wood) and rarely have been late. Trying to become reliable again at work.
Anyone else missed work? What worked for you?
Apologies if this sounds a trivial issue but it's something causing me daily anxiety&blame and also something that puzzles the hell out of me.
Why is taking a shower so damned hard? I can do other morning "chores" e.g. make breakfast, get dressed, brush my teeth relatively easily. Plus I know that showering :
feels really good is necessary is actually enjoyable only takes minutes etc. I've tried various CBT techniques e.g. rate perceived v.s. actual difficulty, list pro's and con's and so on to no avail. The best I can come up with is "don't think about it, just do it", which a) is lame and b) doesn't alleviate the procrastination or anxiety much.
Anyone else? Any tips?
Thanks in advance,
By P Dub 87
I just turned 30 last November. Seems like all life does anymore is pass me by. I've dealt with severe anxiety and depression for the better part of the last 2 decades, and before that, ADHD as a child. I have tried every medicine under the sun, including experimental ones like ketamine and such. I've done ECT treatments, hundreds of therapy sessions and group therapies. The doctors switched my diagnosis from bipolar, to severe GAD, to borderline personality disorder, back to GAD, many times, and I'm not even sure what the current one thinks I am. I mostly sit there staring into space when I'm in his office. I have no hope or will left in me anymore. I haven't truly felt suicidal since 2009, which is when I had two suicide attempts, but I'm beginning to be okay with dying again. 2 years ago, I lost the love of my life and since then this hole inside me has become larger than ever. We were together for 6.5 years, and it was the most fulfilling, joyous years of my life. Now I'm at the point where feeling sad is a relief, because I mostly feel nothing. I rarely feel anything anymore besides resentment and anger because I know I should be feeling but I'm not. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, I remain empty inside. I'm so apathetic and detached from the world and the people in it, including friends and family. I isolate myself, turn my phone off for weeks at a time even. I just don't care anymore. I struggled with this beast before I met the love of my life, but she filled me with something that medicines and doctors never could. LOVE. It was like a breath of fresh air, with the sun on my face. Blissful, peaceful. I love her every moment of every day, and I know without her I won't make it. She's the reason I stopped feeling suicidal in 2009. That's the year we met, coincidentally in ECT therapy. We were both in the same waiting room. It's funny, we wouldn't remember each others' names or that we had started making plans to see each other outside of therapy. We were like kids in the recovery room, sitting on our hospital gurneys kicking our feet, sipping on those juice boxes they give you after they electrocute ya, completely nonjudgmental, embracing each others' company. Our mothers had to help us out hahaha. Our memory and attentions spans at the time were hilariously short. My mother would drive me to go see her, and I would forget who I was going to see on the way there. Her mother would remind her to get ready because she had company coming over but she would always forget who was coming to see her. But we would always remember when we saw each other, and we would embrace each other with the biggest hugs. It was like seeing each other for the first time, every time while we were still having ECT treatments, except we knew each other. Hard to explain. I'm simplifying everything but I truly have not ever felt something so strong and amazing, that attraction that soulmates share, if you believe in such things. I've tried dating (if you can even call it that) and talking to girls since I lost her but nothing makes me care. Sex is meaningless, conversations are meaningless...doesn't matter who's talking to me, or how much they're into me, they aren't her. They'll never be her. I just space out and imagine how comfy my sanctuary is where I can lay back with my feet on my soft carpeting and just rest. That's all I ever want to do anymore, just rest. Be as close to 'at peace' as I can. Life never had much sway over me, and now that I'm without 'her'...I'm so close to the final exit. It sucks because this could have all been avoided. I used to drink alcohol, A LOT. I even went to rehab for it, and stayed clean since then with a few hiccups/reminders not to drink. Alcohol never mixed well with me, and caused more problems than she could put up with. I hate myself for not seeing clearly quicker. For not listening to her. And so here I am, a broken being writing on this forum not because I seek help but because I just feel like I should put a brief summary of my story out there. I apologize if any of you were here looking for answers. I see many other souls in pain here too, which inspired me to share. It's nice knowing we aren't completely alone.