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I knew that as soon as my job contract ran out my brain would be back to screaming at me in no time, but I'm impressed at just how ferocious it is considering I've been technically unemployed for less than a week. I keep trying to tell myself that I knew full well it was part time and short term- that there were no real expectations and it was just to give me some money whilst I'm still a student. Hasn't stopped the voices.

The plan for a while has been- to graduate this year (which I really should focus on more than worrying about my career) and get a job. I have no ambitions or any idea what I want to do post-university. Everything I am slightly interested in requires a lot of commitment- essentially a lot more academic stuff (masters etc) that I don't think I can afford in a number of ways. If nothing else, nothing motivates me enough to want to put in the extra effort. I'm in my mid twenties and still living at home and I feel terrible about it. A lot of people my age are flat sharing or living with partners. 

Do other OCPD people feel this way or is this just a generational thing. I'm sure a part of it is the latter but almost all the pressure I feel is internal. I should have a (well defined) career by now, I should have moved out, etc. Any or all dreams are dead, I just want to prove I can function and work really really hard.

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There's definitely huge pressure on millennials to succeed and "be successful", despite the fact that career jobs require more and more qualifications just to get into an entry level position and housing prices are ridiculous. You'll find that you're not alone on that front! My OCPD aggravates all those feelings and makes me blind to the fact that it's hard to be successful, and that a good part of it is luck and privilege. All it sees is that it's possible to be successful, and if it's possible then why haven't I managed it yet? I put huge internal pressure on myself to work hard for no reason. Nobody in my social sphere expects me to do anything wild or spectacular, they just want me to be happy. I think the difference is our pressure is created primarily within, and the non-disordered success anxiety is more external, more like you're trying to meet expectations that the world has of you. I'm always just trying to meet my own.

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Getting into a career building job is an obstacle so big it's a joke. It's so depressing how many people my age (and older) are just stuck in a rut because there's no room for growth in the job. Gods only know how this is going to affect us all long term. A generation of people whose baseline experience is mostly unpaid internships, zero hour contracts and no potential just seems like a set up for another crash. Sorry, speaking of crashes my mood decided to plummet so I'm not in the most rational state of mind.

Yeah, the trouble is that my expectations are sort of 'at any cost' including what interests me or would actually make me happy or comfortable. The OCPD would rather I were in a crap job than no job. 

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