How do you go about most of your days when you're feeling totally ignored, neglected, unloved, lonely, invisible, and useless, like you don't matter to anyone? I can accept that I will always have depression (and the emptiness & struggle that comes with that) that i must (and do) treat, but it is becoming more and more difficult to accept that I don't deeply matter to anyone but the 2 people that gave birth to me (who will soon be gone).
No one else gives a damn. No one is really truly there for you (especially when the chips are down). This is where much of my suffering comes from and why life often does not seem worth living. Does having "self-love" make up for this pain & isolation? And if so, how do you "love yourself"? I already do millions of "self-care' activities everyday, regular therapy appointments, read too many self-help books, and I still have this crushing pain, emptiness and self-hatred inside.
I have tried literally every single benzo except midazolam and Onfi (clobazam) for anxiety and nothing works for me anymore. I have taken antipsychotics before, and the only one that works is trifluoperazine (Stelazine), but my pdoc won't prescribe it for me anymore because of the fear of it causing tardive dyskinesia.
I'm desperately looking for an alternative, but meanwhile I'm taking a combination of alprazolam (Xanax) 1 mg + chlorpromazine (Thorazine) 25-50 mg as needed for anxiety, which just barely takes the edge off when I have a bad panic attack or that feeling of impending doom, like something bad is going to happen and there's nothing I can do about it.
I've had a growing interest in meprobamate (Miltown), which I know is not commonly prescribed anymore. I'm curious to see if anyone around here has taken it, and if you would be willing to share your experience with it.
Thank you in advance!
Oh, and in b4 "this isn't prescribed anymore because [...]" or "there's probably a reason this isn't prescribed anymore" or "this medicine has been superseded by benzos" etc. etc. I'm well aware of that. I'm desperate enough to be turning to these second- and third-line options.
Towards the end of August of this year and the beginning of this month, I was a bit manic, and then on 9/5/18, I saw my pdoc, and she put me on divalproex sodium ER (Depakote ER) 500 mg every morning and olanzapine (Zyprexa) 10 mg as needed for mania.
Since starting the Depakote, I've already noticed that I am feeling rather flat and unmotivated, and that I'm slowly becoming depressed. It's been about four days into taking the Depakote, not long really, but I'm a little alarmed. A good friend of mine who's very knowledgeable with medications said that this is a very small dose, and I deduced that I would not feel much of anything, but I'm wondering if I'm sensitive to the anti-manic effects of it and that it might be putting me "too far on the other side" of euthymia...
Does anyone maybe have any insight on this, or has anyone maybe even experienced this same thing? Could this possibly be the Depakote this quickly into taking it, or is this maybe just "post-manic depression," or what?
I've also been taking the olanzapine (Zyprexa) nightly since it was prescribed to me to make sure I get good sleep, as getting good sleep was one of the things my pdoc instructed me to do since the main thing that precipitated my manic episode was lack of sleep. This probably confounds the clinical picture a bit, but I figured I would mention this.
Any input would be much appreciated. Thanks!
So, I guess this post is about how I can deal with this issue...My SO is on his iPhone 24/7, even while walking down the street, eating meals with me, and when we are watching TV or a film at home. I cannot get him to get off it! I look over his shoulder and its crap (not important stuff), like stupid memes, Twitter feed, sports scores.
I've told him constantly that it really irritates me and makes me feel like I do not matter. I feel ignored. Yet he keeps going back on it. What else can I do??? Then I start going on my iPhone too, and this gets me depressed. I try to go out, and keep myself occupied away from him, but then when we're together he's non-stop digitally connected.