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New here.  Diagnosed major depression.  After my last hospitalization I started to feel anxious around my child and I feel horrible.  I'm at an assisted living  house and get to visit every weekend.  Going to see my son creates so much anxiety and I develop this lump in my throat that won't go away.  It's not like my child misbehaves or anything.  He is on the spectrum and I don't know how to just simply play with him because as a teacher it has always been somewhat structured.  I feel horrible for feeling anxiety over my own son.

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It sounds as though you've been going through a hard time and maybe because you're away from your son is what's attributing to your anxiety. I can relate to you...mom guilt sucks. I have four kids ages 11 and under. They aren't terrible kids, but there has been a lot of talking back, whining, complaining and a huge lack of appreciation going on in my house. I've never been someone who yells, until recently and it just leaves me feeling worse. 

Are you in a program that is helping you to overcome your depression?

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¥es I am.  We've been working on where this feeling of anxiety is coming from and in short, it's stemming from the fact that I haven't accepted his autism diagnosis and structured play helps me be in control and gives me hope.  We are working on some self soothe and DBT skills but I feel terrible for feeling the way I feel

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@anxmess,  I  also have a son on the  autism spectrum, he's almost 30 now.

When he was diagnosed at age 3, I had a very difficult time accepting it.....He was still non-verbal at the time.....The docs who diagnosed him told me all sorts of negative things----They pretty much told me there was no hope that he would ever be an independent adult.

I would love for those docs who gave such a grim outlook back then, could see him now.--He finally spoke for the first time at age 4.

He has 3 college degrees (1 Bachelors, and 2 Masters)....He has a driver's license, and a great job, plus he now has his own house, and lives independently just fine.

He doesn't live very far from me, and I see him and talk to him regularly......Once in awhile he'll have a problem that he will ask me about, but not very often...........I'm so so proud of him, and love him very much.

Just wanted to give some insight and hope that might help you to accept the diagnosis.....I know it's difficult, because I've been there....

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