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What if I really did die after my most serious suicide attempt 10 years ago? What if I'm dead? I don't feel real or alive. 

Maybe I'm stuck in some sort of a simulation or dream that is meant to show me the life I could have had, had I not taken my own life. Meant to make me feel remorse. I certainly don't deserve to be alive. My brother does, not me. 

That makes me very sad knowing nothing is real. Not even love. When will this end and what will happen to "me" when it does? What am I supposed to do?

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This can't be good. Hurting so much and feeling so much emotional and psychological pain. I'm so sad. It actually hurts beyond belief. This is a lesson. Don't take your own life. I'm being punished on top of being stuck in a dream world. 

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I can relate to how your feeling. I'm sorry your hurting. I hope it doesn't last long

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