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By Angeni Mai
I'm mostly looking for advice at this moment on how to foster and encourage my significant other's (soon to be married) interests. She seems to want to share a lot of things with me, such as things about other people and all; however, when it comes to her interests, she tells me about them but doesn't include me in them. I know she tries but she also gives up if she even perceives that I'm not interested. Often times it isn't a lack of interest but rather that I may be having a bad day or an having difficulties with things and processing. (I have Cerebral Palsy and multiple mental health diagnoses)
I don't mean to make her feel like I have no interest or I don't want to get along, but is it not ok to indulge in my own thing/ have some alone time? A lot of things I do bother her sensory issues (singing opera, playing jokes, touch randomly without remembering her boundaries because my memory is shit). I want to better our relationship by sharing some in each other's interests but I also still have that need to do my own thing when it is something I know she can't handle. She's also pregnant which makes her sensory issues twice as bad, which has lead to some hard feelings, especially when I would like to sing (as I have a generally loud singing voice as I've sung opera for the past 8 years.
She also has a developmental delay that causes her to need to speak things aloud and get that feedback on social situations and some other things to process them, in which she is quite long-winded most of the time. That has also lead to more hard feelings as it leads to limited time to indulge in anything else but talking from the time we are up until the time she goes to bed. Any other time that's left during the day, she usually insists that we spend it together because she wants to be close but she has also said that if we don't have that closeness each and every day, multiple times a day even (most days) then she and I will be too distant and she won't be able to open back up to me because I'll be a stranger (she has had issues with selective mutism when she was a child is the only thing I could assume she means by she will stop opening up). It may just be a matter of her mental health and I just misunderstood what she meant, however, is it wrong of me to feel like she is somewhat playing mind games/ manipulating me/ twisting my arm for me to pay all of my attention to her?
She is currently visiting from Canada and I live 422 miles away from her home. She has said that things will be different when we go back to Canada in 5 days, but I don't know whether or not I can trust this as I have seen different happen when she's back home and we just talk over video call. She says she doesn't really lie, and I know that, but is it bad of me to feel like she just doesn't really know herself all that well in what she really and needs from a person, especially when she's never really been in a long term relationship before us getting together? I'm really trying to let go of the past but this is just a lot to handle.
Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with these situations? Is it too much for me to continue to wish for and sometimes expect her to understand my needs? Is it too much for me to want to be left alone sometimes (as it helps me to cope with life and process my own emotions)?
I really don't want her or our relationship to suffer because I'm not giving her what she needs.
Thanks for any responses. They are much appreciated.
P.S. ~ Are there any books you would recommend somebody in a relationship with somebody who has ASD reads to have a better understanding of what it is like to have autism or books on how to cope with the differences in their partner?
P.P.S. ~ I know she's not a manipulative person and she wouldn't mindfully force me to do what I don't wish to, it's just I feel backed into a corner most days and I lash out emotionally in anger and start to yell when she's annoying me, most often times at the expense of being called mean when I say something she doesn't view as true and, at the best of times, neither do I. I guess it's just hard when both parties have mental health issues that result in a lot of emotions (and a TON of anger) and developmental issues, and social skills deficits on her end. I love her to death though and just want to make things easier on the both of us, more so on her though.
By X Anime Lover X
Thank you for taking the time to read
Let us get straight to it, I have a massive crush on this boy. I know I’m thirteen and I’m definitely not ready to have a boyfriend. Plus I don’t want one... yet.
But with this boy I like I want moments with him, awkward ones!! Ones I can smile at looking back, the good memories.
I’m thirteen and live in Australia. I’m in year eight and I’ve liked this boy since year six. In my school there are three classes in each year. So three year five classes.
In year five my class was split up into groups for this English book reading. He was in mine. I didn’t know him but when I first saw him talking to the teacher and smiling, all I could think was.
That he was. When year six came I was lucky enough to be put in a class with him. It was a rough year for me, girls I thought were my friends turned it not to be. Through all that he was kind to me, he was a gentleman. I couldn’t help but grow on him.
At the end of year six for our end of school Christmas assembly I was put to open the doors to the parents, with him. I will never forgot that night, it was one of my best. For the Christmas assembly I had to wear a Hawaiian skirt being our classes theme. Underneath I wore a skort that I had used back when I did gymnastics.
Our last moment together in year six was when I was running up the stairs to catch him. We had finished helping out the teachers together and he waited for me up top. I was smiling running to him and my skirt separated showing my skort and turned away. He only looked back at me once I had made it to the top. Being a gentleman.
I then went to Bali leaving school earlier than the rest. I found out from my friend he had danced with another girl at the year six dance. I was gutted. I told myself I wouldn’t like him and that was that. Or so I thought...
When year seven came I was moved into high school. (By Australian School Law)
Our school had the high school and primary school joined so everyone I knew was still there. I made new friends and the year wasn’t that memorable. I got a crush on a different boy but it passed quickly as he was a jerk.
Then at the end of the year I went to the primary school Christmas assembly. My brother was in it and I sat next to my mum ready to watch him shine. Then I saw him. He walked in and I couldn’t take my eyes of him. I took the liberty to point him out to my mum.
When the assembly was over we went to my brothers classroom to wait for him to be let out. I saw him standing there with his friend. He did the peace sign from Star Trek at me. I didn’t know how to do it so I did the classic peace sign back. Even with our distance he shouted over at me,
”Why aren’t you doing it?”
“I can’t!” Was what I replied.
One of the boys parents in my brothers class began talking to my mum so I moved away trying to look through the window like other siblings were. He then walked over to me. I have an awful memory but we talked for awhile and I brought up my friend who was a boy and he said something along the lines of,
”Yeah that’s true but he can be very annoying.”
Looking back on it he was jealous, it was in his tone. I nodded along agreeing getting his view, then I had to leave. On the way to the car my mum insisted he liked me. When I got home I jumped on my bed screaming,
The feelings never left.
Now I’m in year eight. He knows I like him, but I haven’t told him. My friend found out from his sister that one day he had come home and said
“I think (my name) likes me!”
So who knows now. I make my feelings obvious in my perspective. I’m awkward and I blush easily but I try. I get mixed signals from him all the time. One minute I think he likes me the next I think he doesn’t. Any advice?
Of of three situations when I’ve said one sentence to him he stares at me. In my eyes and only when I look away does he reply.
But then when I was walking next to him and starting a conversation he replied and walked ahead of me. (I did ask him what he thought of an activity at school though and a friend said no boy would want to talk about school)
So... any advice?
I have so many people cheering me on but I just am so stuck on what he thinks.
Hello, I just joined, so I apologize if this has been talked about before... it took me a decent while to find a forum online I felt comfortable being a part of. I must admit, the swear words in your writing made me feel right at home haha Anywho, the idea of having this forum accessible from an easy to use application would be amazing! That way, when we are on the go, it may be easier to flow through the app and respond to others. Just a thought. And of course, I’m a bit manic today, so I just had to let you know