My new therapist recommended another therapist that deals with PTSD and other issues. PTSD because of loss of many family members. I mentioned to her that I can't recall many memories from my past, let alone a few weeks ago like general conversations. I can't even remember the first time holding either of my daughters. My parents fought a lot when I was younger. I know that it happened, even physical fighting, but can't remember in detail. Willing to pay whatever the cost to find out why I am the way that I am including taking expensive Latuda.
Has anyone had a breakthrough with dealing with their bipolar and depression? Anyone ever get some answers from a professional? I'm worried that if I don't tackle these issues now, how can I be a better parent, a better person or even consider marriage? My boyfriend thankfully is very supportive, but doesn't live with me. I'm tired of the days that I wish my life was over when I am truly blessed or times that I feel my life has slipped on by without any progress.
So far this year, I think I've missed 17 days of work. There was a time I missed four days of work in January. I wasn't on medication at the time. I just had a hard time finding a new psych doctor until a few weeks ago (prescribed 20 mg of Latuda). I would just wake up and sometimes if it was raining, just decide I wasn't going to work. I just didn't care if I got fired or not. There were even days that I didn't get paid for. How about coming home with only $200.00? Despite this, I would continue missing work. I would make every excuse in the book. Thankfully I didn't get fired. The depression started around January after having a period of hypomania. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2011. I have these episodes generally in the Spring & Fall for some odd reason. Then I'm good to no one, but behave much better, just depressed, have no motivation to get off the couch.
I haven't missed a large amount of time from work since 2016 (out of work for longer than a month twice that year). Since taking Latuda, I felt a difference almost immediately, starting sleeping for the full night. I'm hoping this medication works well especially since my co-pay was $175.00. This month, I haven't missed one day of work (knock on wood) and rarely have been late. Trying to become reliable again at work.
Anyone else missed work? What worked for you?
Hello again friends. It has been a few years. I was HaloGirl66. Or IndyMode. I can't remember. But I re-registered because I couldn't recover my old user info.
I've had severe insomnia, ADHD, GAD & Migraines for years and am now going through a bipolar diagnosis.
So hello again.
I've been in therapy for 5 years. Also medicated. I have a good job. I have a supportive husband. I have a home. But years of abuse and insanity still get the better of me sometimes and I feel like I don't deserve anything good, or that people will "find out" that I am a horrible person (I have bad elements and good), and I still have days/weeks. when I am extremely self destructive. The current incarnation is that (a) I am fighting dwindling self consciousnes and social awkwardness, - all part of myregular repertoire - but now (b) for no reason whatsoever I am fighting against the development of an eating disorder, which is a new development in my crazy. I am in my late forties. WTH, brain? WHY? Why do I do this to myself?
I’m back. I think the last time I posted I was just getting adjusted to tegretol. Well, it’s been a trip through hell and back, but I’m here.
I landed at a new pdoc last September after I transferred with my company and couldn’t find a pdoc soon enough to refill my klonopin. Yes, klonopin, the worst drug ever.
I went to the hospital, got a pdoc appointment the next day & so began the hell of being prescribed the wrong meds and trusting a doctor that seemed more concerned about billing as many patients as possible than helping people recover.
I was in a depersonalized state when this started, but I didn’t know what it was. My dr put me on 400 mg tegretol and 1 mg klonopin. I instantly turned into a hungry zombie. Slowly the zombie fog lifted then autoimmune symptoms cropped up. Hair was falling out in clumps and handfuls. Skin was cracking and bleeding. Eczema everywhere. Dermatologist misdiagnosed me with dermatomyositis which scared me to death. I was told I may have lupus. No energy. Legs bleeding from scratching. And my 5 minute a session once a month pdoc kept me on tegretol and added 150mg lithium for depression. He transferred me to his private IOP. That was a cluster. The secretary was screwing up my appointments. I’d go and wait for counseling but the counselor was over booked so three hours later, I’d leave without seeing the counselor. The counselor made everything worse because she kept trying to get me to dig around my past trauma (which FYI every human being has), and it only made my anxiety and depersonalization worse. On all these meds I was rapid cycling, working very scattered and confused, taking on side work, becoming hypomanic and committing to something only to have panic attacks and flee.
Finally, after the IOP secretary gave me a card with an appointment date for two weeks later than she actually wrote on the calendar, I had to wait two more weeks to see my pdoc...yeah, that was the last straw.
I finally reached out to trusted friends with connections from their nursing jobs to get an appointment with a well respected pdoc. I just saw him. Keep in mind the past two weeks I’ve been rapid cycling and depersonalized and riddled with panic. I stopped taking tegretol and lithium because I just got worse. Oh did I mention last pdoc put me on doxepin for sleep? Wtf. It made me feel like a drugged, dirt hangover crawling out of my skin. Pdocs-stop giving rapid cycling bipolar patients antidepressants!!
so here I am. Just saw new pdoc. He prescribed 25mg seroquel to sleep and stop random paranoia when I’m hypo. Gabapebtin at my request to heal my broken brain. Started on lamictal again which actually works for me and kept me on .5mg of klonopin. I’m seeing him once a week until we get me stabilized and ready to wean off klonopin. He instantly said my dizziness, confusion, scattered thinking, and dream like experiences were dissociation caused by severe anxiety and I’m highly sensitive and react paradoxically to medication.
also, his office was very calming. I was the only patient there and when I left, another walked in. He saw me for over 30 minutes.
my last pdoc literally had over 100 patients in his waiting room at all times. Standing room only. Lines around the corner to pay copays. Then he ran the IOP and would see 50 plus patients a night and also did rounds at a local hospital. Oh and he drove a 150k Mercedes. Hmm.
all in all, I’m here. Seroquel knocked me out. I freaked myself out last night because I woke up around 3 am and my leg and arm were stiff in the air. Like I tried to get out of bed and just fell asleep again. I do like gabapebtin so far. Lamictal is fine I just need to titrate up.
in all of this I’m concerned about my job. I’m an architect and the pressure cracked me up. Also, I’ve worked hard for years to fix my finances and buy a house. Of course, I finally did it and close on my house in a week. Great time to have a nervous breakdown. Because that’s what happened. My brain and central nervous system are fried and I just want to feel normal.