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mellifluous

what do you think it means to dream about dying?

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regularly. it's always suicide but it's different means. sometimes it's reliving but succeeding at the ones i have tried. when i wake up i always want to go right back to sleep. 

i don't want to tell my psychiatrist or therapist this just yet. i need to figure out how i feel about it. energized, buoyant, at peace...are probably not the right things to say. i need to get this under control. 

so, any thoughts? what's the psychoanalysis on that? it's so brutal when it's happening, but then i fantasize about it, if you know what i mean, and romanticise it in these dreams and upon waking. it's gruesome what i've done to myself, though, you know, in non dream life? why the fuck am i attracted to it in these dreams?

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I don't know, personally, I don't think the meaning of dream content is ever universal.  I think it's about what it feels like to you. You don't know how your subconscious sees death, probably very differently to how your concious mind sees it. What are the dreams like, content wise? Do you die and go into sleep? Do you go to some kind of afterlife? Do you watch your own funeral? Do you fly?

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It's your brain cleaning itself up and also playing out anxieties. Other than that, there really is no meaning. I don't really ascribe deep psychological or metaphysical meanings to dreams. I find that all my dreams can be explained by those two things. In the end, however, dreams are just dreams. They have only the power we give them.

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I agree with JT. Dreams are random electrical activity which your brain cobbles together into a story.

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4 hours ago, Antecedent said:

I don't know, personally, I don't think the meaning of dream content is ever universal.  I think it's about what it feels like to you. You don't know how your subconscious sees death, probably very differently to how your concious mind sees it. What are the dreams like, content wise? Do you die and go into sleep? Do you go to some kind of afterlife? Do you watch your own funeral? Do you fly?

most often lately it's been that i'm hanging myself, but successfully. the sheets are all crisp and fresh and bleached and i do it on my fire escape. it hurts and i struggle a bit and then it all goes dark and i wake up. the only difference between that and my most recent attempt is that i haven't cut open my arms or tried to vitamix and drink my pills AND i don't get interrupted by the cleaning lady showing up 1.5 hours early when i'm dreaming.

i've also had successful bridge jumps in dreams but i wake when i'm falling right before i hit the water. i haven't dreamed of decapitating myself, which is the other attempt i made. so i guess it's just those two ways. though, now that i think about it, i did try to slit my throat in a dream semi recently. not really the same, but was more successful than that decapitation thing played out. 

i guess bottom line is that i do die in the dreams, but then it goes dark or i wake up.

the thing is...i'm not super keen on killing myself at the moment. if anything, the med increase just started working, literally, yesterday and i have very little going on voices-wise again today. they wear me down, but ...i don't know. i just don't know why i'm having these dreams and having them now...it's a mystery to me.

x

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My pdoc views these kinds of dreams, at least for me, as a symptom of anxiety. When I have reported dreams like this (though in mine the suicides are never successful, so I wake up even more mad) she increased or added a benzo.

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Hmm. I have both paranoid schizophrenia and OCD so anxiety is definitely around me. I haven't had a panic attack in a while. Well at least not this week I'm certain. But yeah I have anxiety of sorts  I'm currently on Ativan as catatonia preventative and Xanax PRN. It's weird what my phone capitalizes. 

Anyway, I think the thing that worries me about telling professionals is that I don't want them to go away necessarily. I know that might sound messed up but I keep wanting to go back to it. It's just gives me such peace but in a

that's not the point but the point is that I do have anxiety in my diagnoses and I can see this being a manifestation of that sorta. But I'm on so much clozaril I don't actively want to die right now. So it's weird in that way, too.  

 

Thanks for the input everyone x 

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Posted (edited)

Definitely sounds to me like what the others said, your anxiety is playing itself out in your dreams.

I know studies have found self-harm  lowers blood pressure (so does self-care!), and I found the same thing happens to me just thinking about self harm. Maybe you are dreaming about suicide even though you are not suicidal because when you think about it or dream about it, it lowers your blood pressure and kicks in your parasympathetic nervous system? If this is true you can probably feel the difference, you'd be able to think about (not plan and not want, those are different things) the events in this dream and feel your shoulders loosening and yourself calming down. If that doesn't happen then I'm totally off the mark.

If that sounds right then I would say you have nothing to worry about, personally. If you actually start to feel like you want to do these things, that's different. In the meantime it might be nice to find a new way to self soothe. Something nice, you deserve something nice :)

Edited by Antecedent
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