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Zero-tolerance making it harder?

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I've been put on a zero tolerance for self-harm by Child Protective Services (I'm yet to turn 17), after I landed in the ER for stitches (it was borderline needing stitches though.)

This puts a huge amount of pressure on me and the thoughts through my head say "Cut when you're at the hospital". What this means is that I'm actually on a waiting list for a psychiatric hospital specializing in my kind of required treatment. It would be safe to do it there, right?

If I cut at home -- at all -- I'll be taken to court and the judge will rule what hospital I go to (forcibly) and for how long. Forced to take antipsychotics that I don't want (I do have psychosis, but it also affects my communication in my head with my alter-parts. I'm a DIDie).


Is it.. normal that this stresses me out so much? It has definitely sent my anorexic behaviour skyrocketing. But is it normal I think about cutting at the hospital where I should get help? It feels like the only place where I can safely express that. In meanwhile, do I just have to keep feeling semi dissociated? :')




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You know the saying don't think about pink elephants? And then all you can think about is pink elephants? SH is like that, for me.

I really don't think that cutting while you're on a psych ward will get you what you're hoping in the long run. In the short run it will just make life that much more miserable as you lose what few freedoms you might otherwise have had.

Can you try some harm reduction stuff? Look through the lists pinned in this forum for ideas - stuff like cold shower, squeezing ice, that kind of thing. 

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