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Has anyone ever gotten these comments from other people? 

Four years ago, a close friend who I only saw once every week or two in a group setting told me that he had seen real depression and anxiety and this wasn't it. This was as I was handing over pills for my overdose on the instruction of my therapist. A few weeks earlier, in my first meeting with my psychiatrist (who my therapist had referred me to for depression medication) said I didn't look depressed despite how I was feeling and the sleep disruption etc. After my first inpatient stay, another friend who I also saw in groups said "I can see the ups, but the downs?" 

I don't know why I can't get these out of my head even though they were years ago. It's making me doubt everything. I've had other clinicians tell me that I am depressed, as well as other family members and friends observe the same thing. 

But also, why do people feel a need to comment on how you look? What benefit is it supposed to serve? They see you for a very select window, often when you're giving all you have to see normal, and don't see the nightmares, fatigue, leaden limbs, inability to read or write...

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I had a former therapist tell me "I thought it was burnout even though you said it was depression" when I got released from the hospital because of an episode spiraling out of control.  So yes, I completely get you.  (She was also a bad therapist, but there were many other reasons for that.)

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Great topic.  I've heard similar things a few times.  I really hate the "aw you just need to get out of the house" or "you just need to stay active.  That will really make you feel better" and so forth.  I just want to smack the shit out of those idiots.  First, almost all of those morons do not have the slightest clue what we're going through.  They simply have never experienced and are probably physiologically incapable of feeling that way.  But it's ignorance and arrogance that makes them say crap like that.  If they're basing a big "diagnosis" on how you look on the outside and not asking you how you feel on the inside, that's a sure sign of complete ignorance.  We just have to try and ignore people like that.

I had two different psychiatrists completely miss the fact that I had gone through a lengthy period of classic hypomania back in 2015.  I switched from Lexapro to Zoloft and it sent me high as a kite.  It was the most amazing, euphoric feeling I have personally ever felt.  I've never done heroin, crack cocaine, or meth, thank God, but I've done all of the others many, many times.  This hypomanic state was 10 times better than any of those or any prescription I ever took.  The sun was always shining (in my head at least).  Life was so great.  Birds were singing.  I could not help but smile because the future looked so bright.  I was sleeping like 4 hours a night and did not care at all because I had boundless energy.  It lasted for just over one month.  I described exactly that to those two pdocs and they both said the same thing:  "uh, I don't know but wouldn't it be great if we could feel that way all the time?"  That's it.  I was still only depressed.  What the fuck?!!!  Seriously?!!!  It was CLASSIC hypomania and it was clear as day and they completely missed it.  Can you tell I'm still so mad about that?  I wasn't properly diagnosed bipolar until last fall and then everything in my life starting making sense including that wonderful month in early 2015. Now, looking back, I know that wasn't the first hypomanic episode but it was the best.  I went through two more, shorter but very similar episodes just before the summer of 2015.

My last pdoc here in my new town completely missed my description of a mixed state even though I described exactly that more than once to her.  Three of the five meds I tried last year sent me into severe mixed states with intense akathesia.  But I had to research it on my own to figure it out.  Fucking doctors don't know shit most of the time.  Just ask any nurse.  Seriously, ask one if you can.  They'll say the same thing. 

So take what your pdocs say with a grain of salt always.  We have to be as informed as we can be which involves being smart and selective about the information we find on the web.  If you can wade through the crap  you can really learn a lot.  You all are already clearly educated in your conditions and that's why you have a problem with what these morons are saying.  Trust your instincts.  Nobody knows you better than you.  Never doubt what you think because of what some other, completely different human being says.

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I've had the opposite happen to me. I had my boss tell me and insist to me that I was depressed even when I wasn't particularly depressed or in an episode. I hated being accused of being depressed when I wasn't. Made me think "what's wrong with me?"

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“you don't look depressed”

”you are not really depressed because you can get out of bed/work etc.” - hated this one

And there is a nasty version for ADHD:

”you have potential but you are just lazy”

I've learned to ignore them but I can relate.

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I’ve heard all that, too. One pdoc went a lot by what I wore. Black clothes/no makeup or jewelry =looks depressed. Wore color, makeup, jewelry =don’t look depressed. Really?  Also I did have undiagnosed hypomania/mania so I get that, too. So frustrating. 

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I've gotten this a lot... ! From Therapists and pdocs...like as long as I am showering and getting dressed before my appointment, I'm fine!

I've sometimes almost felt the need to walk in disheveled with messy knotted hair and pj's on and red eyes from crying in order to be more convincing or something.:wtf:

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On 6/2/2018 at 3:54 PM, Blahblah said:

I've gotten this a lot... ! From Therapists and pdocs...like as long as I am showering and getting dressed before my appointment, I'm fine!

I've sometimes almost felt the need to walk in disheveled with messy knotted hair and pj's on and red eyes from crying in order to be more convincing or something.:wtf:

I seriously thought the exact same thing before my pdoc appointment this week! “Maybe if I go in looking like hell, I’ll get different treatment options?”

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I've never really gotten any bad comments, but I was very skilled at hiding my depression.  At my worst I was daily abusing drugs to cope, would have crying spells for no reason, planned my suicide, and started to get my affairs in order.  But NO ONE except four friends knew I was even depressed.  Not even my wife.  She said, "in hindsight you did seem a little distant."  I put on a happy mask and wore it well.  I almost killed myself and no one had a f-----g clue.  When I "came out" it was such a relief that I didn't have to pretend anymore.  And when I told a large group of friends (when I spoke to our class at church), their shock was very apparent.  Wide eyes and jaws on the floor.  Just about everyone came up to me after I spoke and told me they had no idea.  No shit.  That was my intent.

How many times have we all heard about a suicide, and the person's friends and family are in disbelief, thinking it must have been an accident or a homicide?

All that said to make my point that we here are all aware of - how we outwardly appear does not necessarily match what's going on inside.  The people in my life were completely wrong about me.  If someone told me I was ok, nothing was wrong, it's all in my head, etc., I would just start boiling and think of how they have no f-----g clue.  NO CLUE.  People like us understand.  People who don't suffer from a mental illness just don't understand.  And I'm happy for them.

I do struggle with feelings I get from my wife.  She is sometimes in disbelief about what I'm going through.  Right now I'm dealing with recently discovering I'm bipolar and she thinks I'm exaggerating.

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I’m also autistic, so half the time what I’m feeling and what my face is doing have no relationship to one another anyhow. Mostly people tell me I look angry, or, as a friend of mine playfully and affectionately puts it, “severe.” 

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My mother always used to remark that I had a “go to hell” look on my face, all the time. I’m just one of those people that don’t feel the need to have a stupid, fake smile. If I look angry now, well, just wait til I’m *really* angry.

sorry, I know that’s the opposite of what you’re talking about, but I’ve had p/tdocs try to press me on “what’s really wrong” when sometimes everything was ok. I’m just not good with facial expressions. 

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Actually I cannot smile on command. So that causes problems. Even if I’m happy I may not look smiley. I don’t know why people think it’s ok to tell me to smile for no reason. Yet I may not look depressed enough for a pdoc. Can’t win some days I guess. 

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1 hour ago, sugarsugar said:

Actually I cannot smile on command. So that causes problems. Even if I’m happy I may not look smiley. I don’t know why people think it’s ok to tell me to smile for no reason. Yet I may not look depressed enough for a pdoc. Can’t win some days I guess. 

Yeah I hate it when people tell me I need to smile 

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Posted (edited)

oh man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that one

"put in more effort" is the one I've gotten, like I'm slacking on purpose to continue feeling miserable.

Edited by BrianOCD

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Posted (edited)
9 hours ago, BrianOCD said:

oh man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that one

"put in more effort" is the one I've gotten, like I'm slacking on purpose to continue feeling miserable.

Yeah...feeling miserable "on purpose" thing, hate that! One previous session, I told my therapist at the time that I could not stop my negative ruminations, in tears, saying "WTF is wrong with me, I shouldn't be this depressed, I do all of the right things, I can't stop hating myself, there's nothing wrong with my life..I just don't want to exist anymore, I'm useless, I can't enjoy anything.." She then said "Well, you must be getting SOME PLEASURE from ruminating and being this depressed, otherwise you wouldn't do it, or be stuck there" :angry:  Like I enjoy ruminating all day in self-loathing and torment. oh, and spending all my money on expensive therapy and doctor appointments for decades. What an idiot!

There should be another thread on "Stuff that stupid Therapists Say..."

 

Edited by Blahblah

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