How does Loneliness effect you? Any meds that help? All articles suggest that being active in regular social activities, any type of socializing, CBT, therapy, all help - but what if it doesn't for you? What if you have no friends you can depend on or trust? What if socializing with strangers, frequent group meetups, events, hobbies makes you feel worse? What if you are unable to work and have no regular in-person interaction with people?
"Cacioppo’s key insight was that loneliness is fundamentally a biological problem....And so is its most profound effect – death. Analysis of 300,000 people in 148 studies found that loneliness is associated with a 50% increase in mortality from any cause. This makes it comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and more dangerous than obesity.
....said Cacioppo, we evolved to experience social rejection in the same way as physical pain. Brain scans have shown that “social pain”, such as being shunned by a community, activates the same region – the dorsal anterior cingulate – as bodily trauma."
By Angeni Mai
I'm mostly looking for advice at this moment on how to foster and encourage my significant other's (soon to be married) interests. She seems to want to share a lot of things with me, such as things about other people and all; however, when it comes to her interests, she tells me about them but doesn't include me in them. I know she tries but she also gives up if she even perceives that I'm not interested. Often times it isn't a lack of interest but rather that I may be having a bad day or an having difficulties with things and processing. (I have Cerebral Palsy and multiple mental health diagnoses)
I don't mean to make her feel like I have no interest or I don't want to get along, but is it not ok to indulge in my own thing/ have some alone time? A lot of things I do bother her sensory issues (singing opera, playing jokes, touch randomly without remembering her boundaries because my memory is shit). I want to better our relationship by sharing some in each other's interests but I also still have that need to do my own thing when it is something I know she can't handle. She's also pregnant which makes her sensory issues twice as bad, which has lead to some hard feelings, especially when I would like to sing (as I have a generally loud singing voice as I've sung opera for the past 8 years.
She also has a developmental delay that causes her to need to speak things aloud and get that feedback on social situations and some other things to process them, in which she is quite long-winded most of the time. That has also lead to more hard feelings as it leads to limited time to indulge in anything else but talking from the time we are up until the time she goes to bed. Any other time that's left during the day, she usually insists that we spend it together because she wants to be close but she has also said that if we don't have that closeness each and every day, multiple times a day even (most days) then she and I will be too distant and she won't be able to open back up to me because I'll be a stranger (she has had issues with selective mutism when she was a child is the only thing I could assume she means by she will stop opening up). It may just be a matter of her mental health and I just misunderstood what she meant, however, is it wrong of me to feel like she is somewhat playing mind games/ manipulating me/ twisting my arm for me to pay all of my attention to her?
She is currently visiting from Canada and I live 422 miles away from her home. She has said that things will be different when we go back to Canada in 5 days, but I don't know whether or not I can trust this as I have seen different happen when she's back home and we just talk over video call. She says she doesn't really lie, and I know that, but is it bad of me to feel like she just doesn't really know herself all that well in what she really and needs from a person, especially when she's never really been in a long term relationship before us getting together? I'm really trying to let go of the past but this is just a lot to handle.
Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with these situations? Is it too much for me to continue to wish for and sometimes expect her to understand my needs? Is it too much for me to want to be left alone sometimes (as it helps me to cope with life and process my own emotions)?
I really don't want her or our relationship to suffer because I'm not giving her what she needs.
Thanks for any responses. They are much appreciated.
P.S. ~ Are there any books you would recommend somebody in a relationship with somebody who has ASD reads to have a better understanding of what it is like to have autism or books on how to cope with the differences in their partner?
P.P.S. ~ I know she's not a manipulative person and she wouldn't mindfully force me to do what I don't wish to, it's just I feel backed into a corner most days and I lash out emotionally in anger and start to yell when she's annoying me, most often times at the expense of being called mean when I say something she doesn't view as true and, at the best of times, neither do I. I guess it's just hard when both parties have mental health issues that result in a lot of emotions (and a TON of anger) and developmental issues, and social skills deficits on her end. I love her to death though and just want to make things easier on the both of us, more so on her though.
Finally came clean with my psych. I am sitting here with boxes of the same item (3) of this and that, that I ordered online and don't even remember I ordered these items. I increased my credit line on my credit cards so I could spend more. I find when I am up late at night I order, order, order and don't remember the next day what I ordered until I get an email that an item is coming. I can't leave my home due to panic and high anxiety. I have to stop spending or I am heading for bankruptcy.
My psych doc just started me on Seroquel (1/2 of a 25 mg - very low dose due to sensitivities to medication) at night and Abilify during the day. I had taken myself off all my meds and don't know why. I have been having confusion, dissociation, fear of leaving my apartment, insomnia, fear of my mind falling apart. So, with the encouragement of a friend, I came clean and told my psych doc everything that was going on. I feel embarrassed, but I do need help and apparently I can't manage all this alone. He did not judge me, he knew something was amiss due to all the vmails I leave on his answering machine.
Thinking back, I have gone thru several traumatic events and this could have probably kicked all this off. I am not in therapy just yet, but I need to be. So, thought I would start here for help navigating all this.
Here is the list of the traumas I have gone thru over the past 12 months: witnessed and stopped a brutal assault and went to criminal court as a witness, witnessed the sudden death of a close friend, then right after that went thru a forced move to an apartment I do not like, then had a liver biopsy, have been thru numerous doctors trying to find out what my medical condition is, now I have an impacted kidney stone and facing more surgery, tore my meniscus in my knee but can't get to the ortho for treatment, lost 40 pounds due to not eating and having nausea with all the pain I have had.
I only sleep 3-4 hours a night, so hoping the Seroquel will help me get my sleep hygiene back in tact. Hoping the Abilify will help with mood stabilization and anxiety/panic control. Those are my medication goals right now.
Thank you for listening.
By Fluent In Silence
I imagine that most people, when meeting someone new, must think that the other person should like them. I've always thought more along the lines of "Don't let them get to know you well enough to hate you!" I don't like myself so why would anyone else? Better to be alone than suffer the pain of rejection. Except that it's shit being alone. It's shit that any good thoughts or feelings have nowhere to go because you're alone. It's shit that nothing seems worthwhile because you'll be doing it alone. It's shit that you can't remember the last time you touched another human being, and I'm not even talking about sex - just a simple hug or holding someone's hand. I'm not at all sociable or extroverted. I've sometimes thought that being a lighthouse keeper on some deserted rock would be my ideal job. But "Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love? Wouldn't you love somebody to love? You better find somebody to love." Yes! I'd love someone to love. Somebody save me from myself and my shitty thoughts!
But then there's the old Groucho Marx quote about not wanting to belong to a club which will have someone like me as a member. You love me? Why? What's wrong with you? It's probably all bullshit. I've met other people who despise themselves - people who'd rather punch themselves in the face than accidentally step on your toes. Lovely, compassionate, fragile people who deserve to think better of themselves than they do. But I'm not like them, oh no, I deserve it, for some reason that I'm not sure of. Always easier to feel sympathy for others than for yourself.
Maybe I'm a nice and reasonably intelligent person. I don't deliberately try to hurt other people and I haven't killed anyone, today (Just joking. I beat a mime artist to death today by miming hitting him with a baseball bat). Oh I don't know. I'm hopefully not racist, homophobic or misogynistic, though I'm probably doing it wrong like I've always done everything wrong. Oh shut up! What was the point of this post again? I have no idea at this point. I really need a girlfriend.
I just started Busar yesterday (2.5 mg twice a day) and am experiencing a terrible headache accompanied by blurred vision, dizziness, and thinking difficulties. It basically feels like the front of my brain is in a headachy fog.
I wanted to know
1) Has any one else experienced this with Buspar and how long did it take to go away?
2) How do you continue taking medication when it feels like you're poisoning your body? - Is it worth it? Does it go away?