By Fluent In Silence
I imagine that most people, when meeting someone new, must think that the other person should like them. I've always thought more along the lines of "Don't let them get to know you well enough to hate you!" I don't like myself so why would anyone else? Better to be alone than suffer the pain of rejection. Except that it's shit being alone. It's shit that any good thoughts or feelings have nowhere to go because you're alone. It's shit that nothing seems worthwhile because you'll be doing it alone. It's shit that you can't remember the last time you touched another human being, and I'm not even talking about sex - just a simple hug or holding someone's hand. I'm not at all sociable or extroverted. I've sometimes thought that being a lighthouse keeper on some deserted rock would be my ideal job. But "Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love? Wouldn't you love somebody to love? You better find somebody to love." Yes! I'd love someone to love. Somebody save me from myself and my shitty thoughts!
But then there's the old Groucho Marx quote about not wanting to belong to a club which will have someone like me as a member. You love me? Why? What's wrong with you? It's probably all bullshit. I've met other people who despise themselves - people who'd rather punch themselves in the face than accidentally step on your toes. Lovely, compassionate, fragile people who deserve to think better of themselves than they do. But I'm not like them, oh no, I deserve it, for some reason that I'm not sure of. Always easier to feel sympathy for others than for yourself.
Maybe I'm a nice and reasonably intelligent person. I don't deliberately try to hurt other people and I haven't killed anyone, today (Just joking. I beat a mime artist to death today by miming hitting him with a baseball bat). Oh I don't know. I'm hopefully not racist, homophobic or misogynistic, though I'm probably doing it wrong like I've always done everything wrong. Oh shut up! What was the point of this post again? I have no idea at this point. I really need a girlfriend.
I just started Busar yesterday (2.5 mg twice a day) and am experiencing a terrible headache accompanied by blurred vision, dizziness, and thinking difficulties. It basically feels like the front of my brain is in a headachy fog.
I wanted to know
1) Has any one else experienced this with Buspar and how long did it take to go away?
2) How do you continue taking medication when it feels like you're poisoning your body? - Is it worth it? Does it go away?
So I've been with my boyfriend on and off for almost 5 years. I want to love him I really do, I want to have a good relationship. But we don't even have sex. I'm 21 years old, almost 22. I still love with my mom and I suffer from depression. I'm worried I'll fall into a spiral of depression like I did the last time we broke up and I almost committed suicide. It would be so much easier if I had someone to talk to to tell me it would all be fine and i will find somebody else who makes me way more happy. Honestly I don't remember when my life was somewhat normal. I work 50,000 times harder then my boyfriend. I actually make decent money and I'm going places and being recognized for things I do. Where as my boyfriend hasn't worked in months, he just now got a job that pays him an average amount of money. For a man I think it's shit pay. My dad and all the men in my family basically except my mom side. Work super hard for their cash. My dads side is very traditional in that sense. So the fact that I'm dating a low life is very concerning. I have cheated and we broke up then got back together a few times. We have got in raging fights etc I've thrown things. Clearly very unhealthy. I used to be much happier. I wish I had friends. My only friend is my mom and him. It's very depressing. Right now I'm on a very low dose of escitalopram. Which helps a bit and my job definitely helps but I don't have a good support system at home. I miss having friends and a supportive boyfriend. I don't know how to help this situation. Or maybe I do and I just need some encouragement. Any advice? Anyone been through something similar? No judgment please. If I want judgment I'll go to Yahoo answers... lol thanks in advance 🤗😩
photo is from when we first started dating maybe less than I year in.
hi everyone, I'm Emily, 28 married 2 kids... Still stuck in this bullshit disease. Miserable most of the time. Definitely isolated and lonely, I feel like I'm the only one struggling even though I'm not.
Diagnosed anorexic years ago, got pregnant, second time was a living hell for me! Lots of purging .. Back to restricting postpartum, then crept to binge eating and bulimia, now "ednos". Really wanna break purging. Used to be almost everyday til I had a major health scare a month ago. Now a couple times a week. Wanna make it none but ya know, much easier said then done.
Also bipolar and borderline, def depression in there. And anxiety. lots of med experimentation. "Fun" !!
Any who that's me! Just looking for support and friendship, somewhere I can go rant about all this shit I go through daily. Sick of fighting alone
So this is my first post here as I just sort of need to feel as though I'm not the only one... So I haven't always had a bad memory but it has started to worsen in the last few years from a-level onwards. It never worried me, I suppose it was a slow progress and there were just some 'off-days' where I couldn't remember things but it was always a joke. But its gotten worse, I forget my boyfriends name (we've been going out for 2years now), I forget what my brother looks like, conversations that apparently happened a week ago I have no recollection of. And now, and the main reason Im posting, is because I can tell if something happened or if it was just a dream - and I don't mean from childhood, I understand about fake memories. But these are different I wake up and I'm so unsure as to what happened the previous day and whether I have actually dreamt it, and after asking my friends /family/boyfriend it would seem as though most of my memories that I have from the previous day are incorrect... I hate it, I try to focus on my memories to decipher what's going on but everything is so fuzzy, its like I'm trying to watch tv without my glasses, and it always leaves me with a massive headache... I've also been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and its worsening my symptoms, all I want to do is curl up in bed and ignore the world. Anyway sorry for the long post just needed to explain myself... I'm just so confused and I've tried looking into it but nothing relates, it makes me feel so alone. Anyway just let me know your experiences and thoughts.