My psych doc has called two times to see if I started on the Latuda. I haven't. I originally wanted to wait until the Seroquel and Pamelor left my system before I started anything new. That was 3 weeks ago. Now experiencing inking in of paranoia, insomnia, fear, anxiety, depression, more migraine and it's preventing me from starting Latuda.
I have some key appointments I have to keep between now and the end of the month that I absolutely cannot cancel. I don't want to start Latuda and experience overwhelming side effects that will scare me from leaving my home to make these appointments. However, living in agony with these symptoms is horrible and I know I need to start on the Latuda. After todays appointment, I will have 10 business days until my next appointment, I could take a small sample and see how I react for a few days.
I'm also still spending like crazy, have maxed out all my credit cards, applied for more. I know I am doing this to comfort myself. However, I am now sending back more than half what I am buying, but I am in trouble with one credit card. I called my bank and asked for help and they agreed to suspend my credit card until I get it under the credit limit. All this spending started after I watched my neighbor pass away and since then I have not been doing my daily walk because the only path I can use with my rollator is right where she passed away. I just haven't been able to get myself beyond this.
I tried starting with a trauma therapist but that ended badly, she wanted me to discuss my past traumas in detail during the first and second meeting and half way thru the second meeting I flew out of her room having a panic attack. I kept warning her I needed to work on grounding and she wouldn't, so won't go back. She hasn't called to see why I haven't been back, so will let that one go.
I'm a basket case right now.
This is something I’m thinking about a lot lately. People without a mental illness don’t understand the costs we have: broken relationships, lost jobs, and poor spending episodes (putting it mildly). Add in all the costs of meds, doctor visits, therapy appointments - I didn’t choose this, but it is what it is.
Staying on meds, for me, has created some stability after years without any. But now I face homelessness in a couple days unless a miracle occurs. I’m pissed off at myself for HAVING this, although I can’t control that I do.
I’ve been depressed for quite a while, but still able to get to work. Over a year ago, when first diagnosed, I was off a few months, a total wreck, and am still crawling out from the financial fallout. Last month the pdoc added a new med. Within a week, I was hearing voices (not something I do) and was terribly depressed and had suicidal ideation. I quit the med and felt better within a week. During that time I took two days off work and hibernated, feeling hopeless and majorly depressed the first day. The next day I went to the pdoc and told her the effects of the new med I’d stopped. I went because my work demands a dr note to return to work. Telling her I felt like crap but have to work because I’m alone and have no back-up for money, I needed the note. She refused and said I’d get no note until I went through IOP. I went and after week 3 I told a dr there I’m ok and can’t continue because I must work. Got the note, no problem. They said they wanted me to stay off at least 2 more weeks, maybe more, but gave me the release. *sigh*
Been back at work a couple wks and doing pretty well. The first of the month came and I had no way to pay my rent. A small disability pymt was expected but hadn’t arrived (not enough for rent anyway). The way our pay works, and since I was gone 3 wks, no pay for me until the end of the month.
Yesterday I came home to a 3 day notice on my door. The property management is a big corporation and not willing to even give a few days and see from my dr release I’ve been out, doctor’s orders. I’ve asked a couple of people but they can’t help. I’m sad that I’ve failed. Loathing myself and my illness at all right now, I’m just hit in the face how much having this sucks.
The costs go way beyond buying something one doesn’t need. Even when doing things the way they’re supposed to be done, it still can bite ya in the butt. Tired. Exhausted. Fed up.
So gp gave me this new medication called xifaxan to kill off bad intestinal bacteria. He and the pharmacist said insomnia, anxiety, and depression aren’t side effects of this medication. But I’ve been on it for 6 days and after nearly 2 months of feeling pretty great, I’m suddenly experiencing all three of these symptoms severely.
I’m just wanting to know if this has happened to anyone else on this med. it doesn’t show up on the common side effect profiles, but I looked further down at the doc pamphlet at bottom of the page and it does say it can do his.
How do I get the doctor to believe me? She wants me to continue it but I woke up today feeling extremely depressed! And my Xanax isn’t even working for the anxiety! This all even being on vyvanse.
@mikl_pls or @browri?
ps: why would they say this stuff can happen down in the physicians info and not list it in patient info???
shitty thing is, it’s definitely helping my stomach problem.
My groceries were delivered to the wrong building and apartment yesterday. The woman who came to my front door said my grocery delivery was sent to her address, so I grabbed my cart and followed her over to her apartment. I noticed there was something off about her and it got worse when I entered her apartment.
She had put all my groceries away in her kitchen, where she thought was the right place (in her mind). She put my ice cream in the cabinet, and you can guess the rest. Each of the 22 items she put away in different places all over her home. She would not give up the candy, I had to walk away from that.
Clearly this woman had dementia and there I was in her apartment, alone. And as I stood in her kitchen getting my groceries back, I could not reach my executive powers and realized I was dissociated and could not defend myself. In reality, I should never have gone into her home. I should have just walked away, gone home and called the grocery delivery service.
This woman signed my name on the form as instructed by the delivery person and now we are worried how much of a tip she gave him on my credit card.
I knew walking over there I felt extremely anxious, going into a strangers apartment who was acting oddly right from the start, so the anxiety drove the dissociation and anything could have happened to me, alone with a demented neighbor, I should have known better.
Two days ago, another neighbor stopped by to visit my new kitten. I should never have let her in, but there I went again, immediately into dissociation. This woman has been threatening to me in the past and yet I let her in my home and as I was sitting there looking at her, I sensed she should not be there and yet felt powerless over the situation so sat there and let the visit play itself out. Then this woman started taking pictures of my kitten without asking permission and I should have have stopped her, but I was totally powerless.
I feel that I just cannot function in the real world and protect myself. Dissociation is protecting myself, but it's leaving me very vulnerable and the consequences are that I am left with feeling very bad about myself.