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Since becoming an adult, this particular pattern of behaviour that I have has drawn more and more unwanted attention towards me, and whenever I have spoken to a health professional about it, they have said, basically, something along the lines that it is very odd, but they are unsure what it comes from. 

The reason I ask mainly is because I think it is an autistic thing. However, my providers think it is the same as social deficits from my Asperger's, whereas I know it is not and whenever I explain how it is different, I get ignored because I'm not the NT who knows it all about social norms. 

I am very stubborn like a lot of us are, but if you do think it is a social deficit, then of course I am more than inclined to listen to another actually autistic person about why they consider it to be one. If possible, an example of how would be appreciated. 

So the pattern of behaviour I have is apparently referred to as social anhedonia from what I have read and heard from health professionals. 

Long story short, is it "typical" for an autistic person to not have motivation to socialise and to not gain anything from social interaction to such a degree that they barely ever accompany anyone in person, and typically find it a complete dud and about as boring as watching the grass grow?

The reason I say it is not a social deficit is because I don't consider it to impair me, or to cause any distress in my life, whereas, say lack of theory of mind causes significant impairment and a wide array of processing and sensory problems. 

I don't know, I just really could not care less to socialise at all, and besides the internet presence I have, consider socialising to be useless and a waste of my time. I will not initiate any face to face social interaction unless I am literally forced to. 

Are you like this also, or is it something else? As far as I recall, I have always been this way, its just more obvious now because I have the capacity to say no and refuse to interact if I don't consider it to be worth my effort. 

Thanks in advance. 

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May I ask for a clarification? Does this aversion apply to non-social situations? Aside, of course, from difficulties with theory of mind, when you do need to communicate with someone about a subject you want to discuss (or need to discuss), can you do it? Not enjoy it -more like appreciate why you have to do it, and therefore find it more tolerable. 

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Posted (edited)

Isn't that still social? Especially if it is face to face. Social= interacting with another person, or multiple people, no? Sorry if that seems like a daft assumption to make, but that's how it works in my brain. 

If its something that is necessary, then I will usually find a way to communicate it. But to me, that communication is different to social interaction that isn't literally necessary, if that makes any sense. Sometimes there are times that I don't, though, but that's usually because of the relationship I have with the person/people that tells me that they won't listen, so why bother. 

This is more for spontaneous initiation of social interaction that is just for the hell of it (or at least in my brain) like doing group activities or making friends/meeting random people and maintaining social contact with them without being made to. 

Edited by Hopelessly Broken

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I was thinking of social as seeking out company for the sake of enjoying another person’s presence. I guess i Could have described it better.

I need the company of people, but I’m very selective about the people, and I don’t need a lot of it. 

If it doesn’t bother you, I can’t see any reason why you should make an effort to get over it. If at some point you do decide you’re lonely and want to make friends, you can cross that bridge when you come to it. I think it’s a pretty normal way for an Aspie to feel, honestly. You might be a bit further out on that end of the spectrum than some, but that’s your business.

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Posted (edited)

That's what I thought. Just like the other traits, I guess, some have them more or less. I don't really understand how another person's presence can be enjoyable, if I'm honest, but no point in trying to make me until I learn somehow myself. I get the idea of it, but it just doesn't add up in my brain because I don't interact with people for that purpose.

Is it meant to be enjoyable? Like, am I missing out on anything because it isn't?

Edited by Hopelessly Broken

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Yes, it’s meant to be enjoyable, but I emphasize: Not everyone is going to be to your taste. I have two friends whose company I pretty much invariably enjoy, but even with them, there are limits. 

Sometimes it’s nice to have another person around because the two of you share a common interest, and you like to talk about it. Having things in common is pretty much the basis for any relationship, really.

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Hmmm. Well that is odd to me. But good to know. Its just like all the other things that are supposed to be enjoyable that aren't, I guess. 

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HB - Your point about “not being the NT who knows it all about social norms begs a refinement. No NT, however well-studied or well-meaning, can ever truly appreciate the experience of being autistc - they simply do not possess the wiring. It is therefore not sensible to assume that thry are correct about this. Your observations come from a unique perspective, and it would be foolish to discount them.

As to the specific question, human social and interpersonal structures and behaviors originated as basic survival advantages; for instance, it is easier for the whole tribe to kill the sabertoothed cat carrying Zog off by his neck than it would be for, say, Oop by himself (especially since Oop isn”t very practiced with a club and never much liked Zog in the first placr). In modern society, however, certain things no longer require a Village to accomplish.

On the other hand, I might direct your consideration back to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs - take a look at it and ask yourself whether the entire hierarchy can be accomplished by an individual in isolatiom. A distaste for the social may well be an Aspie/HFA trait, but whether it always serves us well other than when we’re sick of suffering fools is a different question.

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I see the point, no, not all of Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs can be met on an individual basis, but it also doesn't specifically indicate whether or not the control, i.e wherever he got his observations from to result in those conclusions about human needs, was healthy and had a stable childhood, or really go into much depth about how those needs might change if you don't have a stable upbringing and are ill in some way. 

Obvioulsy I did not have such stable upbringing, and I honestly view Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs as almost laughable as a result of that, both the safety and belongingness components in particular. I am alive, so do I really, genuinely need those things to survive? 

I beg to differ that I do. I might want them to some degree, but I don't actually need them. This makes me ask if maybe it is more than a simple lack of interest and enjoyment in social activities. 

In regards to whether it serves an autistic person well to have that trait, is it not our decision to make as to whether it does or not? For me, I would say the only time in which it doesn't is when it attracts such negative attention from the people in my life who disapprove of it, because that adds unnecessary strain to my life. 

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I'd consider your definition of "survival" tho...surely we can't only hold ourselves to the same functionality as the caveman. What I mean is, in modern society couldn't "surviving" insinuate exerting some influence on society...because since our abilities and potential have increased exponentially over the ages shouldn't our concept of successful "survival" evolve as well? Our methods of interaction have changed- one could argue that posting on this board is filling your social need to belong, even if you don't interact the old-fashioned way? We have many more methods of interaction now so I don't thing you can boil down the "belonging" into just whether someone has what would typically be called friends  

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Of course it has evolved. I was just referring to me specifically. Cerberus was only giving me a specific example to base off of by using that caveman analogy, or at least I assume that was part of his intention, obviously we don't function in that manner today. 

I don't post here to belong, so no, I don't consider it to be belonging or a need to belong. I don't have any interest in belonging except to myself. It is social, yes, but that's it. 

I don't boil belonging down to just being called friends. To me, it resides from not wanting to be or feel alone, and to be part of something larger and collective. I have no issue with being alone, and I don't really agree with the collective mindset for me as an individual. 

I don't consider insinuating influence on society part of survival. I would consider that thriving or actually living a life because it isn't, to me anyways, a primal part of physiology, it is more like an accessory or add-on that we choose to express in whatever way fits for us. 

I can't do that at this stage in my life for reasons that are not relevant to disclose, but of course, if I could, I would play my part in impacting society. That is a moral thing, though, every day socialising is not and that is what I display the anhedonia towards. 

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Hmm, I have in the past been flat lining in wanting to socialise. Most of my life in fact. It truly wasn't until I started taking medication that I got a sense of wanting to talk to others. And it came on in a difficult way. It was nigh on painful not to talk to people. Before I just wanted to be left alone and play on the PlayStation and live my life like that. I was a teenager then. Everything else was a distant second. The only reason I wanted friends was just so I wasn't awkwardly alone at school but even then very few of them I spent time with out side of school.

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