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Has anyone ever looked for or seen another therapist behind their main therapists back? 

I really like my therapist but we just talk, there are no goals or things to work on. It feels like I'm paying to have a nice little conversation and a bit of a moan for a couple of hours. I also find that I can't talk about things openly with her. I don't want her to judge me or know half the weird shit I think about. 

I want to find someone that can actually help me pinpoint some of the problems I have and give me ideas and goals to work on changing them. I also know quite a bit about her life which kind of stops any sort of therapeutic relationship and makes it difficult to take a step back and see her as a therapist who is there to help me instead of the nice lady with her family, hobbies, life experiences etc.

It feels odd looking for other people to see, very much like I am cheating on her or being dishonest in some way. 

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yes.  it does sound to me like you have more of a paid-friend than a therapist. 

i've been in similar not-very-therapeutic tdoc relationship.  and did not have, could not come up with, the assertiveness/wherewithal to ask the therapist if she could maybe be more of a therapist.  so i quit and got a different one and just kinda ghosted on FriendTdoc and felt bad about it all for a while.  but i'm sure it wasn't the first time nor would be the last for my tdoc or for yours. 

i mean, if it's to a point where you don't feel comfortable even asking them about a different approach, maybe it is time to go?  tdoc ought to be looking at your progress, and helping you, you know, make progress, and looking at her work herself.  and the org supervisors overseeing it.  it's not the client's job to help the tdoc do their job.   you can, hypothetically, always ask about adjusting your treatment plan/goals/approach, if you feel okay doing so, and, hypothetically, if tdoc is invested in helping you (which she should be b/c it's her job!), she will adjust.  i just want you to know, i really understand feeling like you can't even do that.  best of luck with this, Raspberry, whatever direction you end up going.

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I don't think it's "cheating".  It's your therapy and you have the right to (and deserve to) find a therapist who feels like a good fit, and who works with you in a way that feels helpful and productive.  

It's ideally something that should happen out in the open between the two of you - mostly for your benefit.  For one thing, it may be that your therapist can adapt in order to be more useful.  For another thing, while it may be that her attitude is preventing you from talking about some things, there may also be a part played by your own self-judgments, and you will take that with you wherever you go.  So talking with your therapist about how you feel uncomfortable discussing certain subjects is really important to try to parse out where that comes from.  Also, there can be a lot of learning to be had in the process of asserting yourself and saying that something isn't working.

That being said, you can only do what you can do, and if you don't feel able to bring it up, it may still be better to switch than to sit around in a therapy that isn't working.

Also, if what you're looking for is a more directive, problem-solving approach, you may want to look for someone who is trained in CBT or one of the types of therapy that focuses more on that.  Some types of therapy are more directive than others and it's important to have a good fit not just with the therapist, but with the type of work they do.

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Yeah I agree. I think I'm going to have to look for someone else. She is really nice but as she doesn't work for a clinic or an organisation its not really very easy to lead things back to what I hoped for in the start and I think its gone beyond that point anyway. I had a great psychologist about 5 years back but he retired and because of the place that he worked I only got to see him every 2-3 weeks which isn't enough when you need help. 

Thank you for your input. I will speak with her this week.

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I stopped seeing my therapist but now I feel even more lost. I can't find anyone else that I can afford for a start. I know I need some help as things are beginning to spiral but  I don't know where to get it from. I'm just so tired of always feeling like this. 

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