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stumpmack

Tats meaningful to me- cutting

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I've been getting stick and pokes recently, not yet old enough to get a professional tattoo. Small stuff like cherries or stars or hearts in more hidden areas but I've gotten two more obvious ones: spider under my ribs, in the middle of my stomach. And yesterday I got the general outline of a sword on my hand, not done yet, being finished tomorrow evening. And I realize that I want things more meaningful to me, something that speaks to me about my struggles or my past. And cutting is major for me, so the sword is going to have a blood drip, and I was thinking about getting words next to it.. "it's over," or "medicine". I cut a few weeks ago, I think it was the last time. Maybe a reminder on my hand that I hold the blade in will help to remind me that IT'S OVER. 
Anyone have any tattoos meaningful to their self harm, or plans to get one?

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i have a stick n poke of a circle with a horizontal line through it. it was a symbol i was drawing a lot when i was depressed and harming a lot, and to me it means balance, like two halves of a whole. i used to feel like i was being consumed with badness, like i was rotting. i poked it with the hope that it would keep me balanced and keep the good and the bad from overwhelming me. i just wanted to feel calm. so it wasn't directly for self harm, but self harm was a huge part of my life when i poked it, so the two are intertwined.

it definitely wasn't the end of cutting for me. it's a tattoo. it can't heal or change you. i'm in a better place now than i was then, but that came through hard work, therapy, and meds.

i hope it was your last time cutting, but be aware that if it's a familiar coping mechanism, there is an unfortunately high chance of relapse. even if you never harmed often. even if you've gone weeks or months or years without harming. even if it really, truly feels like you'll never do it again. i don't want to influence your decision, and i never regret stick n pokes, because they represent what felt authentic at the time. i just want you to consider how you might feel if you tattoo IT'S OVER and it isn't. if you're okay with dealing with that, happy poking, my friend, and keep your tools clean.

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I remember thinking that it would be a good idea to get a dotted line tattooed down my wrist along with something like "In case of emergency cut along the dotted line." Honestly I still think that's funny but I'm probably a sick puppy. Never thought of tattoos which are meaningful to self harm. I've wondered about tattoos to hide the scars. But I've been meaning to get a tattoo for a long time and I can't make up my mind about what I want to be permanently inked with. I was never so hesitant when I was permanently scarring myself, and that was far less artistic.

Edited by Fluent In Silence

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