I am the poster child for anxiety. I doubt there is anyone in the known universe with worse anxiety than me. I have been to the hospital about 12 times in the last two months for it! Every time the ER docs will inject me with Ativan and within a few minutes I am more or less calm and sleepy. You would think my regular Pdoc would have gotten wise and already given me benzos a long time ago but NOPE. He always has refused.
Well, 2 nights ago I was out of town and had a terrible anxiety attack. I was in a club and began running around all crazy back and forth to the bathroom. I would go to the bathroom, splash water on my face, then count my pulse (130), then back out to the table to sit with my friends. I told them "bear with me I am going crazy again." I was the one driving and I told them "LETS GO NOW," so we did. It pissed them off, but I had no choice. I had a 1 1/2 hour drive home. Well, I was shaking like a leaf on a tree, I mean SHAKING all over, almost like I was having convulsions. It was all I could do to drive. I almost went off the road a couple of times. (I had not drank anything!)
Well, after about 2 hours of dealing with this at the restaurant and then at the club and then in the car, I decided to stop at the ER in the next city over. Well, when I pulled into the ER my heart was JUMPING and I could HEAR it swooshing in my chest. It was palpitating and missing beats. I ran into the ER and told the clerk, "I am HAVING a HEART ATTACK, HELP." To make this short, she got a nurse who took my vitals, then they made me wait 2 hours to see a doctor. The doctor did the EKG and said everything was normal with my heart. He told me to go home and get a cardiologist appointment just to be sure. He said "you look like a healthy guy and I dont think you are crazy." I am a 27 year old man, by the way.
Well, I was more or less calm, but my heart rate was still around 100 at a resting pace, which is still too high. I still had 1 hour to drive home. Well, about 10 minutes into the drive, here it came again.. FULL BLOWN TERROR and doom. My heart was racing and pounding and swooshing and this time my chest was HURTING like someone had just beat me with a stick. It was all I could do to drive. This was about the 5th hour of straight anxiety attacks!!!!
Well I toughed it out, took my friends home, then went home myself. I tried to lay down but could not because my chest was KILLING me. At about 4 AM I decided enough is enough and went to my local hospital's ER. (They all know me in there and think I am a nut job. I sometimes hear the nurses laughing behind my back). This was about the 10th time I went in there in the past 2 months. Anyway, the doctor comes in and the first words out of his mouth are "Are you hearing voices or seeing things?" I said "No, I have NEVER heard voices in my entire life, man." He then says sorta sarcastically "do an EKG and we will go from there." They did the EKG, it was normal, and they did bloodwork and it was normal, yet my chest still hurt like hell. He told me, yet again, that this was an anxiety attack, but there was a very slight abnormality on the EKG that he wanted me to see a cardiologist about. He said it was probably nothing. He gave me ativan and within 15 minutes I was sleeping on the ER bed. Anxiety gone.
Well, the next day I got to see my Pdoc. I told him all about this and he FINALLY (jumps and shouts) prescribed me a benzo!!!!!! WOW! He gave me Klonopin and told me to take .5 mgs twice daily.
When I take the klonopin I am totally relaxed and sedated, it is great. I almost felt like slapping my pdoc in the head for not having done this WAY earlier. WHY oh WHY do these stupid docs refuse me benzos? Everyone I know who has a mental problem is on a benzo except for me. I have the worst case of anxiety disorder in America and they refuse me, yet give them like candy to those with depression etc..
The only catch is, he only gave me a months supply with no refills.
Thanks for listening to my rant.
Take care.
