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Social Distancing: I’ve Never Felt Closer to You

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For a few of us here, social distancing is a way of life, but some of you weirdos actually like being around humans. This 'social distancing' thing is going to be tough. Is three feet enough? How long is six feet really? For that matter, how long is a foot? My foot isn't a foot long, so wtf? Do we have to stay that far apart vertically? What if I'm a dwarf and he's a giant? Why can't we just measure by smoots? (No, really, google it.) And we can't shake hands anymore? Wait - you said to bump elbows, but that means we're too close, so wtf? I can do the namaste thing except I don't know how to pronounce it and I throw out my back if I try to bow, but I can do a Vulcan salute so Live Long and Prosper. Do I have to wear the ears, though? If you can't do without your touchy-feely fix, this is your board. We're crammed in here like sardines.

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