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Comfortably Numb

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About Comfortably Numb

  • Rank
    Member

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Profile Information

  • Gender
    Woman
  • Location
    Ohio
  • Interests
    I like to draw and paint. I like out doors typpe stuff. Lately i havent done much of anything. I like to keep to my self in the real world. I dont trust many people and i get stomped on by people i trust and show compassion for.

Recent Profile Visitors

1845 profile views
  1. Comfortably Numb

    Please remind me again that i`m not alone...

    @gazelle thanks very much for your thoughts. i do have great news! i finally got an appointment set for august 28th to see a pdoc. i am really excited to get back on meds and give it another go. its been so hard going so long after having issues with previous pdoc and they are so few and far between. hopefully this time something works because ill be going about it the right way with a tdoc and pdoc instead of just pdoc
  2. Comfortably Numb

    Please remind me again that i`m not alone...

    @blahblah it makes me so mad that insurance wont cover TMS. thats such crap. i did hear from people that it is very expensive without insurance :C . And i can`t blame you on not wanting ECT that seems way too scary and risky. I`m glad lamictal is helping you a little. I was on it for 5 years it was great for leveling me out but i personally had some nasty side effects like tremors and really weird neck,face,and body ticks.i was on 600mg of it i think. I`m really glad it doesn`t cause you any side effects. its a shame i really would have stayed on it had it not been for the really weird ticks. i think my old pdoc had me over medicated and on too high of a mg tbh.
  3. Comfortably Numb

    Please remind me again that i`m not alone...

    @Blahblah Also i noticed you have tried alot of meds and i`m sorry that you have to go through that i imagine its pretty tough. Just bringing this up because its the first ive ever heard of it but on my waiting list the pdoc i`m trying to see has some kind of TMS therapy for treatment resistance? i have no researched it alot but maybe thats something to look into if you haven`t already. i mean it is a shot in the dark and am i by no means telling you what to do but it might be worth looking into.
  4. Comfortably Numb

    Please remind me again that i`m not alone...

    thanks for all the responses. i don`t know why its refreshing to here i`m not the only one having to endure it. I know i could have it far worse but it just seems like i don`t do hardly anything i used to outside of work and sleep. thanks for all the support i`m glad i`m lucky enough to vent my frustrations on here. @gb84i hope you were able to go on the bikepath i know how much it sucks trying to do anything around people. night time sounds like a good idea to avoid most people but be careful,thanks so much for your post. @Blahblahi appreciate the advice as far as sticking to a schedule and a healthy diet those are the things i need to work on no doubt. its hard to get the motivation but you are right i think it will help. i am on a waiting list for pdoc so hopefully i can see one soon. i have one friend but i`m afraid i have for the most part pushed her away,i rarely see her and id rather isolate myself i get how incredibly hard it is. i am completely aware i can have it worse i just wish no one had to go through this. @jt07you are correct i think its time to get on meds. therapy alone isn`t cutting it. I apperciate the advice and thanks so much.and i agree with you as far as coping skills go. its hard to distract myself when i get this low. thank you all i wish nothing but the best and you have no idea what it means that you took the time to provide me with your thoughts. it does help and you all are amazing. i see tdoc tomorrow i will address this with him as well. thanks so much again <3
  5. Ok so to give some context here i have been without a pdoc for 3 years. I think i finally found one an hours drive but i have been unmedicated for some time. I do however have a very awesome tdoc who has been helping me out alot.(fair warning i am all over the place so sorry if i ramble). So alot has change for me since i first joined this site. I am now married to the love of my life who supports me greatly,i got a new and far better job where i am doing very well and even just got a promotion,also i moved into a better apartment within the past few months. Now here is what is really getting to me, even though with all these huge steps i have taken its no surprise i am not "happy". in comparison when i first joined here several years ago my depression is crippling. I mean i feel like i had no right to even complain back then into comparison of what it has become. So my tdoc just recently diagnosed me with ptsd(due to being raped several years ago). now my dx`s are: PTSD,BiPolar,and anxiety. on a side note if anyone is dealing with these dx`s please respond i would really appreciate advice on how to manage this in the mean time while waiting for a pdoc. Any coping skills anything at all. So what is bothering me here is that with everything good in my life my brain just can`t be happy with it. i have been in a depressive episode that has lasted the better part of 7 months and i am truley going insane. its gotten to the point where i feel hallow,invisible,and living but not feeling alive. I have a very hard time with taking a shower more than 2 times a week,brushing my teeth,combing my hair,cleaning,and basically all of the things that people need to do to be healthy and productive. I no longer go out. My anxiety has gotten so bad that i can barely tolerate walking to my desk without having a panic attack in fear that someone is staring at me or laughing at me. Even though i`m doing really good at work i have a VERY hard time remembering to breath,communicating with anyone(i dont say a word to coworkers i keep to myself). I always have the supervisors asking whats wrong or if i`m ok. It is almost physically painful to get out of bed and going through the motions of going to work. and work takes what little energy i have in me. Also within the past few years i am barely functioning. I dont even feel comfortable around family. I have anxiety attack around family,at the store,at work,and at night. But ontop of the panic attacks i have flash backs when i try to become intimate with my husband and of course the icing on the cake is insomnia and depression. I feel as though i am never relaxed and i can`t even remember the last time i had a content day. It hurts to live. I dont go out and i don`t visit my friends like i probably should and its taking its toll on everyone. The one good thing is my husband without question listens to me and he tries his best to cheer me up and pick me up when i`m down like this. He is the only reason i have gotten this far is with his help. I just dont know where to turn. I hate coming home with neck pain from being so tense,i hate having chest pain and a hard time breathing when i step into public,and i hate crying all the time. I really had to vent i`m sorry for this super long post. And if there is anyone at all that took the time to read this i do deeply appreciate it. please help me please give me advice any coping tools anything that you have found useful to curb these feelings and thoughts. ps. i did have an intake for a pdoc and the evaluation was pretty rough. i scored a 26 out of a 27 that the counselor called a "depression exam". where they ask you a bunch of questions on how you feel ect..just for further info. thanks so much for your time.
  6. Ok so to give some context here i have been without a pdoc for 3 years. I think i finally found one an hours drive but i have been unmedicated for some time. I do however have a very awesome tdoc who has been helping me out alot.(fair warning i am all over the place so sorry if i ramble). So alot has change for me since i first joined this site. I am now married to the love of my life who supports me greatly,i got a new and far better job where i am doing very well and even just got a promotion,also i moved into a better apartment within the past few months. Now here is what is really getting to me, even though with all these huge steps i have taken its no surprise i am not "happy". in comparison when i first joined here several years ago my depression is crippling. I mean i feel like i had no right to even complain back then into comparison of what it has become. So my tdoc just recently diagnosed me with ptsd(due to being raped several years ago). now my dx`s are: PTSD,BiPolar,and anxiety. on a side note if anyone is dealing with these dx`s please respond i would really appreciate advice on how to manage this in the mean time while waiting for a pdoc. Any coping skills anything at all. So what is bothering me here is that with everything good in my life my brain just can`t be happy with it. i have been in a depressive episode that has lasted the better part of 7 months and i am truley going insane. its gotten to the point where i feel hallow,invisible,and living but not feeling alive. I have a very hard time with taking a shower more than 2 times a week,brushing my teeth,combing my hair,cleaning,and basically all of the things that people need to do to be healthy and productive. I no longer go out. My anxiety has gotten so bad that i can barely tolerate walking to my desk without having a panic attack in fear that someone is staring at me or laughing at me. Even though i`m doing really good at work i have a VERY hard time remembering to breath,communicating with anyone(i dont say a word to coworkers i keep to myself). I always have the supervisors asking whats wrong or if i`m ok. It is almost physically painful to get out of bed and going through the motions of going to work. and work takes what little energy i have in me. Also within the past few years i am barely functioning. I dont even feel comfortable around family. I have anxiety attack around family,at the store,at work,and at night. But ontop of the panic attacks i have flash backs when i try to become intimate with my husband and of course the icing on the cake is insomnia and depression. I feel as though i am never relaxed and i can`t even remember the last time i had a content day. It hurts to live. I dont go out and i don`t visit my friends like i probably should and its taking its toll on everyone. The one good thing is my husband without question listens to me and he tries his best to cheer me up and pick me up when i`m down like this. He is the only reason i have gotten this far is with his help. I just dont know where to turn. I hate coming home with neck pain from being so tense,i hate having chest pain and a hard time breathing when i step into public,and i hate crying all the time. I really had to vent i`m sorry for this super long post. And if there is anyone at all that took the time to read this i do deeply appreciate it. please help me please give me advice any coping tools anything that you have found useful to curb these feelings and thoughts. ps. i did have an intake for a pdoc and the evaluation was pretty rough. i scored a 26 out of a 27 that the counselor called a "depression exam". where they ask you a bunch of questions on how you feel ect..just for further info. thanks so much for your time.
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