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About Butterflykisses

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  1. Butterflykisses

    good/bad numbers

    I used to have to count to 20 checking the locked doors...and if something interrupted me, even just a thought that was unrelated, I had to restart...needless to say it would take me a very long time to get out the door. It has gotten better since being on Paxil now for several months.
  2. I understand and see your frustration...I want to warn you though about getting off AAP's cold turkey...I recently did that with Invega and Zyprexa under my pdocs guidance..and I have had deep episodes of depression and suicidal ideations, along with distorted perceptions and irritability...I have not posted about it here, but it has happened. I am glad to be off of them though, but it hasn't been easy. What I would do: Call pdoc or make soonest available appt. and basically lay it out that you DO NOT want to be on this many AAP's and that you can barely notice if clozapine is working because you're so overmedicated...they should work with you or offer help/suggestions...if they flat out refuse get their reasoning...if you think their reasoning is not justifiable, I would get a second opinion.
  3. Butterflykisses

    short term thorazine or haldol usage?

    Haldol kept me up from akathisia. I don't recall thorazine completely knocking me out (then again its rare any medication knocks me out besides clozapine) but I think it made me drowsy.
  4. From what I understand, you only need 1 manic episode to get a bipolar I diagnosis. I have heard you can be bipolar I without depression, just mania. Traditionally, most people with bipolar I experience both mania and depression, but it is possible to just have mania. I do not believe mania is classified under any other diagnosis besides bipolar, but I could be wrong... correct me if I am incorrect.
  5. Seroquel did the opposite for me, it kept me up. The only medication that puts me to sleep in clozapine...but idk if you are interested in that...
  6. Cheese, I know what it's like to not give the full picture to your treatment team...I once told an IP intake that I did not ever experience psychosis so I could get admitted to the calm unit...unfortunately I did not get the right kind of help leaving out the key detail of what was going on... I have made it a point to be as honest as possible to my pdoc. I have had to share some really hard things...but because of this I am receiving better treatment. I see her every 2 weeks and we have scheduled longer appointments. My point is, I think it IS possible that you can do both, be honest about thinking your medications are poisonous and tell her you feel you are on too many AAP's... Maybe you could say something like this: "I think it is important for you to know I am not doing well. I think my mood is in a mixed state and I am having issues with thinking my medications are poisonous..I feel like I am on too many antipsychotics and am still having psychotic symptoms..is it possible we taper me off of some of the AAP's and work on increasing the clozapine until my paranoia and mood instability is under control?" I hope this helps...
  7. I too have feared that my pdoc, family, and government were reading these posts...I seriously empathize...
  8. I used to have extreme paranoia using public forums. I used to delete what I wrote constantly. Then I just stopped caring. I know that I can get help, relate to others, and have an outlet. I am very honest with my pdoc, I know she can't help me if she doesn't know the truth about what's going on. It can be scary but it is so important and helpful.
  9. I did PHP then IOP for my OCD as well...and I can tell you, being vulnerable and aware of things can trigger psychosis...almost because it's a time of growth, development, and healing...its a lot to process, and can sometimes exacerbate other symptoms. Allow yourself to feel, have self-compassion and self-love as you are trying to recover...gentleness always helps, at least I think...and I KNOW you have made great strides...<3
  10. I am sorry to hear that, aura. Have you been exposed to stressors or triggers? Sometimes that can set off psychosis..? Just a thought
  11. Butterflykisses

    Trying Lexapro Again?

    What symptoms are you trying to treat? That could give me some insight on the type of meds that help that specific symptom
  12. Butterflykisses

    Topamax add on

    clozapine is really the only medication that has helped me sleep and stay asleep. Before it, it was taking me 1-2 hours to fall asleep, and then I would wake up very early...now I fall asleep within 5 minutes and sleep through the night.....is there any way you would consider increasing it just to see? Sorry if this wasn't helpful...
  13. Butterflykisses

    Nightmares from Melatonin?

    I have a lot of experience with meds and nightmares. I had chronic nightmares when I was not on clozapine and my quality of sleep was very poor. I have no idea why your pdoc is hesitant on giving you the risperdal and giving a consent form...weird. Nightmares are not fun nor acceptable. You shouldn't have to suffer. Thinking of you.
  14. Butterflykisses

    French Vanilla vs Hazelnut (iced coffee story)

    Neither, I like caramel!
  15. Butterflykisses

    insomnia ideas

    I have found deep breathing really helps me, and sometimes counting backward from 100 by the time I get to 60 I am usually asleep. The only medication that has really improved my sleep is Clozapine. I used to have terrible nightmares even with prazosin, but I have found no nightmares and excellent quality of sleep with Clozapine.