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OliverB

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About OliverB

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    Nut nut.

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  1. I know the thread is a bit old, but what malachite said is the only thing that "helped me". *I won't be a normal human being with a safe attachment to people or with reasons to live. It is supposed I had RAD (inhibited) which was the cause of my ASD misdiagnosis (neglect and abuse was severe enough to mess everything). There is no reason at trying to be a normal human being. I do whatever I want to. I stopped trying to improve my humanity and depression (I am more an agitated type rather than anhedonic/tired/hypersomniac, which lead me to strong anxiety/dissociation/psychosis and unability to rest/sleep more than 2h straight). I ended up in places that caused me less agitation (library and labs) and somehow soon I will be working in a hospital (yeah, working...). I don't get it, I can explain it. I just accepted it and let it be, I could have died (or better said, killed myself), but It didn't happened... Now I have "something" I don't understand. I don't care, my life is less nigthmare. I "punish" myself insulting if I "waste" resources, so in order to feel less shitty, I try to be helpful even if I never feel helpful (I won't eat unless I move my ass and go to the library). My pDoc support the "non human" thing: after seeing my chronic obsession towards (seriouslly) killing myself and my distorted humanity, there is no more to say. I am not a human, I am still an angry agitated depressed dissociated/psychotic weirdo, but well... I don't care anymore. I act more like an animal. It is feels more "Ok" tan trying to change it. I know it is different since we don't share the same symptomatology (I can't stop moving, doing, ... which makes it really easy to end everything; a pDoc I had thought I am Bipolar because of it...IDK) I don't have a possitive messagge but I guess you don't want one. Things like these don't actually improve, you just learn to live with them or die.
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