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About AyYiYikes

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  1. AyYiYikes

    Costs of Bipolar

    Thank you. I was able on the 3rd day to borrow money from my ex (an uncomfortable conversation, as I also told him why the doctor had me off - which does not excuse but may explain a whole lot of undiagnosed behavior from a couple decades ago when we were married - but glad I did it) and am grateful. I never want to go through how literally sick I made myself last weekend. I know I tend to instantly go to the worse case scenario. I do know about the UD and that it takes time to actually evict (California) - was just fed up with my situation and how I seem to go one step forward, two back. Thank God I have no credit cards. I know I’m not mentally at the point, yet, that I’d always use them responsibly (being honest). I’m looking for weekend only p/t work to supplement my f/t job. I don’t know if anyone else finds the 2nd job thought overwhelming. My meds help me, but make me tired and I’m exhausted, especially since my job entails working all day with very needy people (financially and/or mentally). It can be draining. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Rents are high in this state, even in a metropolitan suburb. Not keen on changing my location since I live in the cheapest area around the area and my grown kids live within an hour. I know it’s my choice to not move to another state. So the search is on for weekend work. I sincerely hope I keep it together and have no more time off! I sure appreciate the replies.
  2. This is something I’m thinking about a lot lately. People without a mental illness don’t understand the costs we have: broken relationships, lost jobs, and poor spending episodes (putting it mildly). Add in all the costs of meds, doctor visits, therapy appointments - I didn’t choose this, but it is what it is. Staying on meds, for me, has created some stability after years without any. But now I face homelessness in a couple days unless a miracle occurs. I’m pissed off at myself for HAVING this, although I can’t control that I do. I’ve been depressed for quite a while, but still able to get to work. Over a year ago, when first diagnosed, I was off a few months, a total wreck, and am still crawling out from the financial fallout. Last month the pdoc added a new med. Within a week, I was hearing voices (not something I do) and was terribly depressed and had suicidal ideation. I quit the med and felt better within a week. During that time I took two days off work and hibernated, feeling hopeless and majorly depressed the first day. The next day I went to the pdoc and told her the effects of the new med I’d stopped. I went because my work demands a dr note to return to work. Telling her I felt like crap but have to work because I’m alone and have no back-up for money, I needed the note. She refused and said I’d get no note until I went through IOP. I went and after week 3 I told a dr there I’m ok and can’t continue because I must work. Got the note, no problem. They said they wanted me to stay off at least 2 more weeks, maybe more, but gave me the release. *sigh* Been back at work a couple wks and doing pretty well. The first of the month came and I had no way to pay my rent. A small disability pymt was expected but hadn’t arrived (not enough for rent anyway). The way our pay works, and since I was gone 3 wks, no pay for me until the end of the month. Yesterday I came home to a 3 day notice on my door. The property management is a big corporation and not willing to even give a few days and see from my dr release I’ve been out, doctor’s orders. I’ve asked a couple of people but they can’t help. I’m sad that I’ve failed. Loathing myself and my illness at all right now, I’m just hit in the face how much having this sucks. The costs go way beyond buying something one doesn’t need. Even when doing things the way they’re supposed to be done, it still can bite ya in the butt. Tired. Exhausted. Fed up. Rant over.
  3. Thanks! I hadn’t heard of this book. Looks good and I’ll order it.
  4. Can anyone please aim me toward a site or, better yet, a video that truthfully shows what it’s like to have bipolar disorder? I was diagnosed with BP1 a bit more than a year ago. My kids are adults, don’t live with me and never asked - until one of them did, yesterday: “What it is it, really? What is it like?” - and I’m at a loss to properly explain it. She has a boyfriend now with BP and he’s been pretty stable so she doesn’t know. I always held it together pretty well, for decades, so my kids didn’t realize anything was wrong. They just thought of me as enthusiastic and a bit quirky, and sometimes sad (before meds - now I’m never enthusiastic, flat, sad af, and exhausted 24/7). And due to my meds I cannot think well enough to explain it well . 😢 Any help is appreciated.
  5. Ends up pdoc did lower lithium after I asked again so I could take ibuprofen. Keeping up with blood tests for lithium levels and so far haven’t risen much. At least the inflammation and pain is more tolerable. Thanks for your replies.
  6. I work full time and have had the job 5 yrs. I’m amazed I’m still there, as I have missed a lot of work due to bipolar, med changes that have gone wrong, and physical injuries from a car accident. I live alone and cannot afford to go on disability. I’m in social services and it’s really too much for me. Not sure how much longer I can constantly deal with the public. Until I leave, guess it’s just “fake it ‘til you make it”.
  7. AyYiYikes

    BP Magazine

    I was wondering about both those publications. Will look into them.
  8. Thank you. I do take less lithium than I used to and once I cut down and started exercise/sports, the depression lifted. Waiting for pdoc to get back to me. In an awful lot of pain and have been to pt, which does not help pain, and acupuncture with marginal results. Cannot move well enough to even stretch. Just wanted a pain fix temporarily.
  9. So I know I’m not to take nsaids with lithium as it can increase lithium levels and wreak havoc, including toxicity, seizures, etc. Problem is, I’m in bad pain and can’t take anything. Went to dr. I tore the meniscus in my knee and messed up my hip and back (already had herniated discs but they’d been doing well). Being active brought me out of a year-long depression and I don’t want to give up and be the blob in bed I used to be. But this pain is bad and Tylenol (acetaminophen) does nothing. The pdoc won’t lower my lithium dose so I can take some ibuprofen or something. Nobody has an answer to “Tylenol does nothing “. I’m wondering if taking half the lithium it would be ok to take some nsaids. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this.
  10. AyYiYikes


    Welcome - and that “celebration “ sounds awful. Hope you’re making it through okay.
  11. Hope someone else has a good answer for you. Risperdal made me swell up, horribly. Had to stop it. But I have a friend who it works well and no problems. Have you been given anything for the GAD? I have Ativan on hand (though it makes me awfully tired if I’m not manic). Can you get Latuda using a patient assistance program from the manufacturer? If you’d still like to use it, that is.
  12. AyYiYikes

    New to the Boards

    Welcome - I didn’t get my BP1 diagnosis until around my birthday last year. Age 56. Lots of helpful and knowledgeable people here.
  13. Good to know, @Gearhead. Thanks. Went to my regularly scheduled pdoc appt this a.m. and it sucked. I’ve been up non-stop, agitated since the prednisone. Dr was not up to dealing with any of it (isn’t that her job?) and instead of a little encouragement or some bs to at least let me know things could get better (she did acknowledge the prednisone can destabilize), she bitched at me for 1) not agreeing to a lithium level that makes me feel like a zombie, 2) choosing a therapist that isn’t there at Kaiser (I’m happy w/therapist and not starting up anew again. Last Kaiser therapist could only see me during work hours and sent me to a specialized group for something I had never experienced and had no reason to attend), 3) complained that I’m not willing to add additional meds, blah, blah, blah. I do see why additional different rxs may be advised and she’s been trying that every time I see her. I explained I don’t have the luxury to wait around at home and see how things work, as I HAVE to work. I deal with people non-stop 9 hrs a day and am very sensitive to meds. Other things I’ve tried had some bad side-effects. I take the Ativan as needed and the Lithium daily. I get by. I’m just having a tough time after prednisone. It will, I hope, pass. And at least the whole pantry is sparkling clean after not sleeping last night. (Not funny, I know.)
  14. Just tomorrow and I’m done with the prednisone. Yep. Should’ve planned ahead but been too sick to even notice so I’ve dealt with “after the fact”. I know better now what to do if it happens again. I did up the Ativan and see Pdoc tomorrow. Luckily slept a bit last night and not manic - well, slightly angry (which is my more recent, unfortunate version of manic) but not over the top. That could be just being ticked off at being exhausted, sick, and a 24/7 cough. Still smelling weird stuff that’s not there. Great. Thanks, @dragonfly23 and @notloki
  15. Not feeling manic or hypo. I’ve been super ill with bronchitis for way over a week, non-stop hacking, and wisely quit smoking 8 days ago. Missing a lot of work. So dr gave a short 5 day course of 50 mg tab daily of prednisone . Holy crud I can’t sleep. Before it was due to coughing but now it’s coughing plus that weird lack of sleep loopiness from prednisone, kind of afraid to sleep. I’ve read prednisone can mess with BP. I’m having delusions/psychoses (I considered myself pretty stable before this, just a bit too depressed). The main thing is odors that aren’t there. The other thing is being afraid to fall asleep. I know it’s my brain on lack of sleep and prednisone. I guess I’m just venting. Time to try some codeine cough syrup and attempt the 15 minute cat naps. Fwiw, I’m very happy to no longer be smoking. Other than that, I’m freaking exhausted and sick, and wish the lack of sleep at least felt good.