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About Chrisalt87

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  1. No, they don’t knoe yet. I see my family doc on the 10th. She scripts me my meds. Aside from scripting me some meds to make it slight easier then isn’t much she can teach me about tapering. Through trail, error and looking into it my later years I know how to taper as safely as possible. no psychiatrists in Toronto wear I’m from want to take me on. I fired one well known psyche doc who I had seen from 16-23 and since then I’ve been black listed. I Imagine they think if I fired him so I must be a write off. It’s funny as a Canadian though we have the right to request different doctors. To any other Canadians let me tell you that’s a load of shit. If you make waves even in a fair way they will bury you.
  2. So I’m bipolar unmedicated atm due to meds aggravating some physical health problems. I’m also tapering off my clonazepam. I’ve tapperd or cold turkey( I don’t advise) 5 times before in the last 15 years. I keep coming back 6 months a year 4 months etc later because I think from the research I’ve done I’ve come to the conclusion my GABA receptors are damaged maybe even permanently and I can’t function as a normal human being without them anymore. I don’t even get anxious or have panic attacks anymore. Which I find rather ironic. Those stopped years ago unless I stop taking these god forsaken benzodiazepines. I don’t even feel 2mg at once at all anymore. Im getting older but not old I guess. Turning 31 in a couple months. I want to get off these pills before I get older, it gets even harder and I become a lifer. I’m already 15 years in. The last time I tapered off I was 25-26 and it was bad but this time I haven’t even been abusing them for years and physically it’s about 1000 times worse. Mentally to. I’m starting to stabilize at 1.5 mg from 2.0 mg but it seems to have thrown me into the most bipolar type symptoms. Some type of severe kill me now life if pointless, help is not there even when you look for it and change debating blowing my brains out depression with a side of extreme anger and worried I’m going to do something stupid if someone does me wrong. (trust me I have my reasons for saying help isn’t there but I realize everyone’s experience is different with psychiatry) i spent many months manic think I was a demon etc a couple psycheward stays, Re dabbled in crime for awhile until I realized what a terrible idea that was. crazy shit type shit non stop this year we’ll on and off every year tbh. now the benzos have cycled into this depression that I know is bipolar related because it’s not a situational type. By now I can tell the diffference. This happened to anyone else ever coming of benzos? I know the nightmare that is benzo w/d I’d but this is next level. I don’t even know if I can do this a 6th time, and I’m a fairly strong guy.
  3. Chrisalt87


    You’re not alone that’s for sure. I struggle with exactly what you just wrote. I also add a side of needing vengeance for feeling this way. It sucks
  4. I can’t say this for certain in your case but it could be the invega. i take 900mg of lithium and feel pretty good (flat wise) but at 1200 I felt like you describe. Any anti psychotic makes me feel dead. ive cold turkeyed lithium before and went kinda high. I don’t suggest it. I’ve also tapered off with minimal rebound effect. This is do suggest. You will go back to normal though for sure.
  5. I’ve tried to work. 17-26 I worked full time jobs. 26-29 on disability. Worked 29-30. Just went back on disability I’ll be 31 in a couple months
  6. Any time I take any SSRI I feel like once it’s in my system I’ve smoked crystal meth.
  7. What makes a suicide attempt? Actually wanting to die and it sincerely failing not by choice I’d say. Pretty triggering what I’m about to say next. a few week ago i said goodbye to my gf in a massive benzodiazepine induced haze, hung my belt from a closet pole. I don’t even fully remember what happened. Apparently I was so i was so high I couldnt even hang the belt on a proper thing that could hold my weight. I came crashing to the ground un harmed. Gf during this time had apparently called the cops. Cops came mental health acted my ass and I spent a week in the psyche ward. Got a lot a heavy stuff going on like most it would seem these days. Snapped for a second. Don’t think I’d do it again. that was a honest kill me now moment. Zero cry for help. I tried to fight the cops off didn’t work out to well. 5 of them 1 of me
  8. I’m taking the instant IR and I s just destroying my larnxy. Going to see my family doc on friday and I’m going to ask for the extended.
  9. I take 600 mg in before bed and 600 mg when I wake up. this dosing also seems to cause me issues 900 mg at night alone didn’t.
  10. Hey I have really bad LPR (silent reflux) lithium seems to be aggravating it. anyone else have this problem or suffer from lpr in general.
  11. Thanks man, yeah I’m never going face to face with that guy again. I doubt I could handle it appropriately. Ive Tried lamotrigine a couple times over the years and gone up really slow. Got the Rash every time. i hear you about the lithium I find it kinda makes me depressed to at low doses. Everyone around me says at 1200 I seem a lot better. Starting to feel it. Maybe I found my med that will work with limited side effects. have a good one
  12. Yeah it’s really quite terrible. The pdocs have their ways of refusing care and keeping it legal somehow. Tbh I think that if I did do something like commit suicide or hurt someone (not saying I’m going to do either) they would be liable on some level because they knew and some of the excellent intake/crisis workers had it all recorded on paper b4 I spoke with my former pdoc. The other hospital it was admitted to me by the Former one I was just talking in Toronto turns away patients not in the downtown core and are “out of the area” they don’t say this tho just do it. my family doc has sent me to the ER with notes saying please admit him. Doesn’t do anything. Crazy I know.
  13. Thanks for the advice man. Yeah he is definitely a class A asshole you could say. I’d put his name for people to see in rate md.com that at least half the people agree with me. I don’t need any more bullshit tho from the people in power though. It’s all people who have seen him for a stretch that agree. Others with limited exposure think he’s great. Like I once did 13 Year’s ago. i agree with you I think I spent the last couple of months mixed. Now my gf who is also bipolar says I seem less manic and more stable since upping my dose. I just feel so low now. interesting info on the lithium I didn’t know at various levels it acted in different ways. ill definitely check out your other recommendations. cheers
  14. Thanks for the advice on Wellbutrin I think I’d have the same results but replace bitch with complete asshole. I’ll have to think on that one. Interesting.. I’ve never heard of this service. Thank you I’ll look into it.