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About DopamineSick

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  1. No, I don't remember. All I know is pain on a daily, hourly basis. That's why the thing I look forward to the most is sleep. If I could sleep 18 hours a day, I would.
  2. I'm 39 and I can really relate. My friends all have at least 2 children. I have actually been kind of obsessed about this lately. I feel like my 30's were completely lost due to mental illness and also a good portion of my 20's. This is a hard life.
  3. Anhedonia is one of my worst symptoms. In the past, adderall worked well for the anhedonia, but my doctor won't prescribe it for me, which I think is bullshit because he's recommending ECT next (if my current med trial doesn't work). I am a severe case and I think that warrants doing something off-label, taking some chances. I'm currently taking Rexulti and am in the third week of increased doses of imipramine and wellbutrin. So far, I haven't seen much improvement. I don't know how some people find doctors who are willing to go out of the box. Hell, some people are actually being prescribed Suboxone (buprenorphine) for treatment resistant depression. That's going way out on a limb but it works. Granted you'll probably have to be on it forever, but I would take my chances at this point. I've been in a "double depression" for the better part of the past 7 years or so and I honestly don't know how I'm still even alive.
  4. I think ECT is basically next on our list of options, if I can get it approved by the county/ medicaid/ insurance. Right now, our last ditch attempt is the tricyclic Tofranil (Imipramine) and wellbutrin. I still need to give it more time to see if it works. Maybe I'll have to try an MAOI first too before getting approved for ECT. We'll see. Most people probably don't like the idea of getting ECT because of certain risks, but I'd jump at the chance to get it. I'm so tired of living this way that I'm willing to do anything. I've even tried ketamine and it didn't work. That was an expensive failed med trial. Overall, I just feel like I can't live and I can't die.
  5. I go through a cycle of trying a new med(s), I get my hopes up, the med fails, hopelessness, start another new med, rinse and repeat. I am relatively treatment-resistant so nothing has worked in years. I think I understand the OP's predicament. You know how they say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem? For many of us, the problem is not temporary. I don't know where that statement came from but it definitely doesn't apply to chronic depression. I've spent years suffering and barely squeaking by and I don't know how much more I can take. It does kind of help to know that others are going through the same thing.
  6. I'm currently on 100 mg of imipramine (Tofranil) because nothing else has worked for me. The main side effect I'm getting right now is dizziness when I stand up, but it's tolerable. I can't tell if it's going to work yet. I'll probably need to get to 150-200 mg to find out. I have noticed a subtle difference over the past few days though. My doctor says he has other treatment-resistant patients who have done well on imipramine so I'm hoping I get the same benefits.
  7. DopamineSick

    At a loss.

    I've also been diagnosed with dysthymia with major depression/ double depression and generalized anxiety. I've only ever had one med work for me and that was a long time ago. I just can't live like this so I've been trying lots of different medications over the years. Nothing's worked. I've even tried ketamine, which has like a 70% success rate. Of course, I am in the 30% group of people who don't benefit from it. I'm currently trying imipramine which is a good idea because I had never tried a tricyclic. If this doesn't work, my doctor is recommending ECT. Have you considered ECT?
  8. I agree with a lot that's already been said here. Klonopin doesn't touch my depression directly, but it helps if things get out of control with my thought pattern. I have generalized anxiety disorder too, which tends to put my anxious, negative thoughts on overdrive and make me indirectly feel more depressed. It's times like that that benzos help.
  9. DopamineSick

    Stims: Experiences when you stop?

    Hey Blahblah, Adderall definitely acted like an antidepressant for me, but my tolerance eventually mitigated its effects and nobody would go above 60 mg/ day. I agree with you that it's a good "booster." In fact, the last time I wasn't depressed was when I was taking adderall (and when it was still working). I am treatment-resistant and desperate so I'm willing to try anything - anything is worth the risk when I constantly feel like dying. Therefore, I would love to try adderall again but two different doctors have already brushed me off. I've tried a lot of meds now and nothing has worked for me. Anxiety and depression have decimated my life. I'm currently on my third week of Tofranil/ imipramine (a tricyclic if you don't know), and am hoping that it helps. This is the first time I've tried a tricyclic, so I'm hopeful that it will work. If it doesn't work, it looks like I'll be off to ECT treatment. If I had my wish, I'd be taking adderall right now, even though I know it will eventually become less effective with tolerance. I'm sort of living one day at a time anyways, so I wouldn't be too concerned about tolerance right now. I'm just trying to get through each day. Anything that makes me feel better is welcomed. But, like I said, I can't get anybody to prescribe it for me. Good luck.
  10. Thanks. BTW, my doctor wouldn't go above 100 mg of Pristiq either. I tend to need higher dose levels of everything. Did you ever go above 100 mg?
  11. DopamineSick

    Stims: Experiences when you stop?

    That's exactly how I felt when coming off of adderall. I also had higher levels of anxiety and depression. It took me several weeks to adjust.
  12. I'm looking for feedback on imipramine. I started at 50 mg for two weeks and just got bumped to 100 mg yesterday. I am highly treatment-resistant and this is the first tricyclic I've ever tried. I'm hoping for the best, but if this doesn't work, my doctor wants me to get ECT.
  13. Hi, did you ever try the Tofranil? I was on 50 mg for two weeks and just went up to 100 mg yesterday. I'm curious about other people's experiences with it. I'm also highly treatment-resistant. I've tried many things and nothing has worked. This is my first time on a tricyclic.
  14. DopamineSick

    Benzo withdrawal

    You can't get a prescription for librium? That's what I used once to successfully get off benzos. It works well and you just taper down from it until you're good. You can also try ordering phenibut. It's a GABA-B agonist. The problem with phenibut though is that you can also get addicted to it. But it's nice to have around for emergencies.