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  1. I only had a little bit of sleep disruption when starting buproprion, but it did improve over time and went away in a couple weeks. I would suspect it would take longer if it was initially worse. I was quite weepy at the beginning, but that also went away (maybe a month or 2 for the weeping). I had headaches at 450mg, but they were really severe and I also had an increase in blood pressure, so I had to go back to 300mg. I also had a lot of dizziness discontinuing citalopram
  2. That's a good way to describe it. I didn't have quite the same thoughts about deserving it, but the emotional weight of the shame certainly adds to the urge to SH. I think the effort of hiding it does, too
  3. When I went from 300 to 450mg buproprion I had issues with headaches. My blood pressure also went up about 20 points at that dose (though the increase in blood pressure and the headaches did not start at the same time). I've had daily headaches at various other times. I think of it as something I'm prone to. In this case the timing seemed like the dose increase was the cause.
  4. This is something I think about, too. I've got an intermediate level job and it would be nice to progress in my career (for the usual reasons), but I'm avoiding it for the sake of stability. The only idea I thought of for your job hunt was that in the similar line as government jobs, in Canada university jobs tend to be slower paced and less pressure. Our university system seems to be a bit different than the States, though, so I don't know if that would be the case where you are.
  5. What you describe is a lot like my usual symptoms (anhedonia, no motivation, laying around all day, but not a lot of despair). My doctors and I have been considering it depression in partial remission, but also have been finding it quite puzzling and are now going to test for ADHD.
  6. Ion

    Trying Light Therapy

    I've been at 30 minutes/day for a month and here's what I've found: The effects have mostly been on my sleep. Before I was sleeping 9-10 hours/night and I found it really hard to wake up in the morning. With the light therapy I'm sleeping 7-8 hours and I frequently wake up before my alarm goes off. The effects increased over the first few days and I think I reached the maximum effectiveness for me within a week. I didn't see any significant change in mood.
  7. I'd say that if you think your best med option is your current combo then a GP is just as effective for refills. I switched to a psychiatrist because we were trying a bunch of different things and I expect to switch back to my GP once we settle on a combo. I think that therapy remains useful on an ongoing basis, but I agree that a fresh perspective might be helpful
  8. Gratitude definitely works for some people, but I don't think it's quite the word I'd use to describe what I'm thinking. I see it as maximizing the good stuff (even when good is a relative term) and trying to put as much of my time and attention as possible toward to best of the current options. Trying to make incremental changes to make the better parts a little stronger or the worse parts a tiny bit more bearable. I think I fall into the mode of just enduring. My spouse pointed out that I often won't get up to get painkiller for a headache, and that tendency shows up for me in a lot of different ways. For some things I feel like a situation is unchangeable even though it really does have a small amount of wiggle room. For some things I don't bother taking a small action because it would only make things a tiny bit better. I think I should be using the 1% improvements, even the 0.1% improvements.
  9. I've considered light therapy on and off for years, but never tried it until now. My depression doesn't have a seasonal pattern, but a few months ago I accidentally sleep deprived myself and I noticed that that helped some of my symptoms. When I read various papers on sleep deprivation therapy, one of the things I found was that it predicted a better response to light therapy and I decided it was worth a try. I'm 3 days in now. I think that getting myself to do it every day may be a challenge. I'm starting with 15 minutes a day
  10. My general approach to do my best to tolerate it and wait, but I don't think my approach is the best. I think that there are likely some elements of your school and current work that are a bit better than the others. I think finding or even perhaps creating those things might help to get through this stage. Is there something that is 10% nicer than the rest? Are there ways to make one part slightly better than it is currently? It would at least give you something to think about while you wait this out
  11. I've been trying out a supplement. I had a month until my pdoc appointment and it was long clear that the current med was a bust, so I figured I'd use the time to try this
  12. I'm very excited that your med change is helping. I understand the doubt that it is real. I've got a big dose of that right now after seeing my pdoc. Where I live hospitalization happens for certain symptoms and situations, and it's possible (even fairly common, I think) to have various symptoms that add up to severe without being in hospital. I never have. My depression has been severe in the past but now I'm in partial remission and it's moderate. There's a lot of ground between hospitalization and very mild/non-existent.
  13. For what it's worth, I don't think you are inadequate. I think that taking care of yourself is important and working has good points but is definitely less important. I wish you didn't feel bad about it, because I don't think you or anyone else should feel bad about it