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sming

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About sming

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    PDoc Confounder

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    NYC

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  1. So, I'd been going to the same old "by the book" PDoc for 3+ years. He eventually literally told me he'd ran out of ideas (which is fair - other PDoc's have said the same) and so transferred me to his best pal PDoc. Who turned out to be a total cock. Of the highest order. Hence I found a new PDoc online with a unique "transparent fee structure" (that he proceeded to renege upon) who stuck me on Wellbutrin + Mirapex. This what what I wanted given that I generally respond to dopaminergic agents. However it hasn't worked out (in a big way) and instead of being supportive and responsive, he's been a total, heartless cunt. Not having a lot of luck w.r.t. PDoc's of late. Anyway, w.r.t. your MAOI + stimulant suggestion - being on that combo is the sole time in the last 23 years where I've felt alive, human, connected, "Normal" even. However, finding a PDoc in NYC who is willing to prescribe an MAOI + stimulant is like looking for rocking horse shit. They just don't exist any more. It's tragic. And I mean that - genuinely tragic. My remaining hope is that backing down to 150mg Wellbutrin and 0.25 Mirapex will "be OK". I also have my eye on Trintellix. I historically do very, very poorly on SSRI's but this one is different and frankly, I'm out of ideas (excluding the not-being-alive kind of ideas). Pete No response. He's a cunt, that's life.
  2. So today marks 2.5 weeks on Wellbutrin 300mg and 4+ weeks on Mirapex 0.5mg. I just had the most intense, lengthy period of "real" suicidal ideation I've had in many, many months. I was thinking of locations, implications, effects on friends and family and so on. I had intense back pain at the time but "it's been coming": all week I've been weepy, very depressed and morose, interspersed with extended periods of incredibly strong anxiety - like gut-wrenching, skin-crawling anxiety. My PDoc, who's quite a cnut frankly, said not to contact him for 2 weeks unless it's a real emergency so I can't ping him to suggest perhaps dropping to 150mg Wellbutrin or something. And there's that part of me that desperately wants to stick it out at 300mg for 4+ weeks, just in case I can "break through" and get the full AD effect of 300mg Wellbutrin. I just don't know what to do. I have virtually no other meds options left to try and this current regimen is making me feel inhumanly bad. I know that meds often make you feel worse before making you feel better, but this seems outside of that envelope. It feels disturbingly dangerous. Pete
  3. Quoting myself here which is a bit weird but it's pertinent. Saw PDoc an hour ago. Told him I was super-depressed, neurotic, had skin-crawling anxiety, was literally on the verge of tears 24/7. And... he said to stick to 300mg Wellbutrin. TBF the data is on his side (you have to give shit 4+ weeks minimum), and people on this thread have backed that up. But the state I'm in, it was not what I wanted to hear. Plus the fact that I feel hugely overmedicated. I was wrong about the benzo though and he prescribed 0.5 Ativan (he feels 0.5 Ativan+15 Percocet is super low risk) which should help with the crawling-up-the-walls anxiety at least, if not the bleak depression. Right then. 13 more days at 300mg Wellbutrin to go after either: A) I waltz into his office and give him a big smacker on the cheek for making me stick it out and making my life bearable (and possibly saving my marriage) B) I stumble into his office, barely suppressing the raging urge to wring his pig-headed neck BTW I've updated my signature multiple times but it's still showing a really old one. Anyone know what's up with that?
  4. Lol I just mentioned Buspirone. Don't know Vistaril, will check it out - thanks mate. Morontin and Lyrica I do know. After being on both for considerable amounts of time at considerable doses I still couldn't honestly tell you what they did for me - if anything. They do work wonders for some folks though, that's for sure. Humans eh? Such a weird bunch.
  5. That's amazing, isn't it. Just goes to show our idiosyncrasies when it comes to psychotropics. I have IBS-C and take Percocet so the constipation I'm getting is par for the course, lamentably :/ I've thought about this. I was initially prescribed 150mg XR twice per day so I tried taking one at 7am and one at 1pm but it did not seem to alleviate the intensity of the anxiety unfortunately. I'm so desperate to give WB a "good crack of the whip" though, I'm determined to make it to at least 4 weeks. Good job I have some leftover Valium or I'd have been arrested or something by now, lol. Actually @mikl_pls, do you know of any common non-benzo adjuncts for WB that help with the anxiety? For example I think I rather liked Buspirone when I tried it alongside Lexapro. I'd like to go in armed with some research and questions.
  6. Well my digits are crossed that this is a phase that ends soon. Yes. I intend to ask for a benzo since they're effective for me but he's going to say "no" because a) benzo's are evil incarnate according to almost all inexperienced doctors, b) I'm already on Percocet which is also a CNS suppressant. God knows what he's going to put me on :/
  7. It's pretty alarming, isn't it, when you find yourself on the brink of losing it over something trivial. 150mg sounds like a solid option if it doesn't abate soon. I'm worried I'm going to be in the office and either cry or chew someone out viciously. And then 30 mins later be calm as you like, probably. Thanks for the post.
  8. Thank you for your reply. That's good to know. FTR I'm also on 0.5mg Mirapex, 60mg Adderall and 15mg Percocet for chronic pain. I'm just in such a negative emotional & mental state right now, that I need some "real world" data to give me the strength to see it through for 4-6 weeks. Pete
  9. Respectful greetings, fellow crazies. I've recently ramped-up on Wellbutrin: 150mg for 6 days and then 300mg for 12 days (18 days total). Overall it's slightly helping the multitude of mental illnesses I have (TRD, "Pure" OCD, other stuff). However. About 7 days after hitting 300mg Wellbutrin I started experiencing incredibly intense anxiety primarily (physically shaking, gut-churning, mind-racing, skin-crawling kind). I also started feeling erratic, intense irritability and even anger - (verbally) lashing out at my kids and other unpleasant out-of-character behaviour. I've seen anxiety from Wellbutrin reported 100's of times before but I couldn't find information on how to combat it. This is because normally people just stop taking it (which makes eminent sense) but that's not an option for me since I'm 23 years TRD (including resistance to ECT, dTMS and Ketamine) and this is one of the last combos left. In other words I'm beyond desperate to give it every chance of working that I humanly can. I'm now gonna blurt out my questions and suggestions and hope that some of you can identify or comment from your own experience: I have some Valium left over and taking that does take the edge off of the severe emotions. However taking benzo's long-term is generally undesirable, hence has anyone taken a non-benzo adjunct/augmenting med that actually helps tone down the insane anxiety? If so, what was it? how long did the intense anxiety last for those who experienced it? 2 weeks? a month? until you stopped the med? did anyone have success in simply reducing dose back to 150mg or even lower? Did you find 150mg sufficient to lift your mood? I'm on 300mg XL as of today (was on 2x150mg XL 'til now). Have folks had different experiences (anxiety-wise) with the IR or SR versions? E.g. would switching to 3xIR be an avenue worth chasing? any other relevant insights or experiences would also be most welcome. May the Gods of mental health be with you, Pete
  10. Wow, to me that's a huge dose. I started at 0.25mg and had SE's. Then braved it to 0.5mg and toughed it out for a few days. I then tried 0.75mg and got crazy SE's, dropped to 0.625mg (I believe), still got terrible SE's and have now been on 0.5mg for a week or two - still with bloody SE's :/ How long did the improvements take to show up after taking 0.5mg and 1mg?
  11. Oxycodone. Only drug to consistently make me feel human and life worth living for a couple of hours.
  12. I'm TRD and ADs generally do very little for me. So then I tried APs, anti-convulsants and lithium and others. Which also did very little. Abilify can help in fits and starts but always poops out. So for me the answer is "no" but that's hardly surprising since nothing works except stimulants for short periods of feeling human. Pete
  13. thanks as always mikl_pls. I emailed him yesterday with my findings but the lack of a reply indicates he doesn't think there's any cause for concern and that I've taken sensible action (reduce dose). I took 0.5mg last night and did not get the jetlag/leaden limbs/gravity x 10 effect. So I'm likely just gonna sit at 0.5mg for a bit before trying to up it again. Cheers, Pete
  14. Hey all, I make ToDo lists for several reasons and generally find them helpful. However I also often find myself paralyzed by internally demanding that I be 100% sure of the "best" or "optimal" task to do first. My OCD and anxiety go through the roof and incapacitate me into inaction and... I get nothing done :/ I've wracked my brain for any reasons as to why I'm terrified of not doing the optimal task first but I just can't put my finger on it. I have severe TRD so it could be that I tell myself that I "have" to do the most important/best tasks whilst I'm feeling well enough to be able to do them, and that disaster would ensue if I didn't. But I just don't know TBH. Anyone else get this task-prioritization OCD & anxiety? Any insights, techniques or tips? I tried randomly ordering the tasks today which helped somewhat, for example. Best to all, Pete P.s. due to the TRD I'm crap at replying but I will eventually reply!
  15. Hi all, just wanted to know if any other Mirapex users out there have experienced periods of severe jetlag-level physical exhaustion with muscular weakness? I was having no side effects on 0.25mg, then 0.5mg and so went to 0.75mg and BOOM. The following day I literally couldn't leave bed, open my eyes, move - the works until about mid afternoon. Interestingly my mood wasn't too bad during the exhausted period, it was just those very intense side effects. Anyone else experienced this? Did you just go back down in dose and stay at that lower dose for longer before trying to go back up, or did you just say "OK, that's obviously too much for me, I'm sticking at the lower dose"? Any insight or advice appreciated. Best of luck to all, Pete
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