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sming

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About sming

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    PDoc Confounder

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  1. Yeah same here. Wow, that's pretty amazing. Like you say though, that's the intrinsic evil of depression: it robs you of the very strength you need to fight it. If I knew it would help I would give it a go but I'm pretty sure I'd become an ogre as well as very depressed.
  2. 'Lo, w.r.t. https://science.slashdot.org/story/19/01/16/236225/fasting-can-improve-overall-health-by-causing-circadian-clocks-in-the-liver-and-skeletal-muscle-to-rewire-their-metabolism-study-finds has anyone found, perhaps be accident, themselves feeling any better during or after fasting? Personally I have OCD about being hungry so it would be really hard for me to experiment with. Not to mention being too depressed. Pete
  3. As @argh mentioned I'm not BPx unfortunately. I'm a medical conundrum wrapped in an enigma, veiled by mysteriousness. AKA "fucked".
  4. Yeah that's correct, unfortunately. Sadly @BrianOCD, it didn't last and I crashed on day 4 - hence no replies from me... until today since it's the first day in a week where I've felt human again. Let's hope it lasts for longer than 3 days this time (I'm not holding my breath).
  5. I appreciate I cannot be objective in this discussion but I respectfully disagree. A) I'm severely depressed - my brain just doesn't "do" hope. Hasn't done so for many, many years. B) 19/20 meds make me worse or have no effect so it's actually logical and realistic for me to have little to no hope. C) I felt significantly different. Not just more optimistic or hopeful or less down - significantly different both cognitively and emotionally.
  6. Hello CrazyBoards, I started 5mg Trintellix a week ago and in a nutshell, felt 40-50% better the very next day. Before I get deafened with shouts of "PLACEBO!", think again since I'm treatment-resistant (20+ years) and never expect meds to work - because they nearly always don't. FTR I've tried tens of med combos, treatments, ECT, dTMS unsuccessfully. They either make me worse, have no effect or help somewhat and then poop-out within 2-4 weeks. Furthermore my mood started dipping significantly 3 days ago so I upped the dose to 7.5mg last night, again not expecting anything and lo and behold, I felt significantly better - like "naturally" or "simply" better today. Has anyone heard of, or experienced such a rapid improvement? Pete
  7. Apologies once again @mkl_pls for the extremely tardy reply. The usual combination of illness, holding down a job etc. and generally being lame at replying applies. So, it was interesting that you mentioned Trintellix as a potential help since... it's been a help. I started on 5mg a week ago today and my mood brightened the next day. I am very depressed and treatment-resistant and so I'm pretty confident it wasn't placebo since I was not expecting in the slightest for it to help at all, let alone after ~ 16 hours. Anyway, along with it brightening my mood, it's helped lessen the intensity of the periods of super-high anxiety / near-panic as you mentioned above. This all said, the last 3 days or so my mood started dropping so last night I increased to 7.5mg and again I felt significantly improved today. So again, a very rapid response which is weird and good but OTOH I'm worried because I needed to increase so soon. In addition to this I got "The GeneSight® MTHFR Test" https://genesight.com/product done and it revealed that I have no MTHFR mutations, which I was bummed about. However it did reveal that I very likely do not properly metabolise lots of SSRI's which I have repeatedly failed to reach therapeutic dose on, with numerous PDoc's. Each of those PDoc's has doubted my reaction's validity and so I feel vindicated and yet pissed off that I didn't know about this test sooner. I could have saved myself an awful lot of months of suffering. Ugh. I've tried Clomipramine / Anafranil, trimipramine (surmontil), Nortriptyline and probably others. I simply can't get past the lower doses in order to reach the stimulating doses, it's such a bummer since I'm all for older and better meds (I've been on MAOI's numerous times). Probably not since the anxiety "attacks" have continued long after I discontinued Mirapex. The jury is still out on that one. FWIW I've also been on the wagon (i.e. am totally abstaining from booze) since 12/27. So, a lot of overlapping changes which will make identifying the culprit(s) tricky. They will probably end up being yet another anomalous period of unexplained unpleasantness to add to my catalogue. Thanks again for the info and suggestions, Pete
  8. Thanks DITR. Sadly it is. I hope your illnii are not too bad today.
  9. Hi, long-time Treatment-Resistant OCD'er here. I've done this a number of times over the years and have always found https://www.google.com/sheets/about/ the best option since you can tailor it exactly to your needs. Since there are iOS and Android apps for it now too, it's always available and always synced-up. Not to mention that it's free... HTH, Pete
  10. the Percocet is prescribed but I take your point. Sadly after 20 odd years of truly TRD I'm very OK with the killing bit. Quite rationally I have almost no hope. Fair point. I dramatically reduce the amount I say I drink compared to what I actually do drink. I'm surprised I haven't been pulled up on this from my urine tests at the pain clinic, actually.
  11. I am and will. I appreciate the input but I know that a single med almost certainly isn't going to do it. I do have 23+ years of TRD under my belt. I've seen/perceived my recent "splurge" into heavier drinking as basically a period of respite from the grind of TRD. I know that long term very-heavy drinking is a horrific idea and it wasn't my plan (apologies if I'm being inconsistent. I'm not in a good way. Obviously). It's mainly been to experience life for a short while, really. Like actual occasional enjoyment and the possibility of experiencing positive emotions. As it happens, yesterday my anxiety hit a new (recent) high (alcohol or wellbutrin or mirapex-related, I don't know) at 1pm. Necking 2 large whiskies resolved it within 20 minutes but its intensity was astonishing and disturbing. Then the anxiety returned 5-6pm ish and that's when it struck me that this is a situation out of control. So despite my earlier stance I've changed my mind and am stopping drinking. It's gotten too heavy and with too serious effects and ramifications. I was due to go upstate NY for a few days with my family today but instead told them about the situation, have tossed all my booze and am going to ride it out at home for the next - hopefully - few days. As I lamented earlier in the thread, this (going booze-free) condemns me to a shit - and I mean truly shit - daily life but it's gotten out of hand. I guess I just have to hope and pray that some med combo semi-clicks for me for a decent period sometime in the near future. Great.
  12. It's top of my list should the Rexulti not work out. Could even add it to the Rexulti. Thanks for the shout.
  13. I know but what else do I do? I'm even more depressed if I don't drink on meds. I've been dry for 1.5 years and I was just way more depressed. I've been inpatient and then dry for 6 months and I was just more depressed. What do I do? (I'm not berating your response at all BTW, I'm just relaying my life experiences) It's like when each and every new doc tells me that taking percocet is a bad idea. I ask them what else I should do and they have no response. It's a known, horrible, dangerous, bad solution. But it's my only solution right now 😕 Yep, for my Chronic Pain. I haven't tried it for anxiety. It's worth adding to the list - thanks.
  14. Noted. I've had full panels done fairly recently as well as MRI's and X-rays (for my functional chronic GI pain) and my liver is A-OK thankfully. Thanks for the heads-up.
  15. I dunno, I've seen quite a few resources saying otherwise. FWIW I agree with you, I don't think it's the L-methylfolate either but I'm just covering all my bases. I have (unintentionally) been taking the Valium daily as it happens. I didn't want to but the anxiety has been so intense, I've just been so, so desperate for any relief I can find. well hitting different "subunits" (that's a new one on me) could explain it but I am already taking Valium and Ativan to almost zero effect. It's bewildering. I have actually taken buspirone before (many years ago) and I think I did quite well (certainly not horribly) on it. It might be worth a mention. TCA's zombify me even at low doses unfortunately. I will go through the others - thanks for the list, much appreciated as always. That's possible. The anxiety had started before I started taking L-methylfolate so this is unlikely but I'm not ruling anything out. Medically I'm a freak (numerous, very low frequency, disparate medical conditions). that's my thinking. It's enabling my functioning, rather than inhibiting or hindering it. I know Well I've stopped the Mirapex just to "clear house" as it were. Since ceasing it a few days ago I've noticed the anxiety "wave" hit incrementally later in the day each day which is interesting. It's even failed to hit so far and it's midday, which hasn't happened for months. I am seeing him in ... like an hour so I will discuss all this with him. Many hearty thanks again mkl_pls, you're a Godsend! I've been through that situation too. For a few months last year, I'd be feeling severely depressed and anhedonic, have 2 drinks and BANG I'd be feeling "human". Not high, just human. And then it just kinda stopped helping so I stopped the drinks. I'm such a fucking enigma it's not even funny. noted. I desperately wish there were viable alternatives 😕
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