theredthread

Thank you Two days ago I caved and am trying medication again (escitalopram and a month's worth of diazepam (valium). I'm just in this pit of isolation and this cycle of inactivity and inability to function. Just come back from this Recovery College thing I've been directed to -- stayed for the duration but had to sit outside half the time! I've been doing more things outside and trying to keep up with uni study at home, some work at home, but I just can't communicate with people yet, and I just feel like people recoil from me because of it all. I just don't know what to say or how to interact with MH professionals anymore. If what I was dealing with wasn't under the label of panic/anxiety/depression type stuff I feel like I would be taken far more seriously. I can't do anything because my brain is mush.

Had a friend around friday and today but was terrible company as absolutely shattered. Am always nice and so glad of the company but couldn't cope. He was pretty 'high' and full of energy as well so we were rubbing each other up the wrong way unintentionally. Can't think at all. Can barely move due to this stupid fatigue. Been a complete state the whole time unable to do anything and just don't know what to do. Hate myself for it despite the fact it's totally out of my control. Very irritable -- horrible depression. I really don't know why I carry on, it's too much. I NEED HELP

Initially reluctant to watch this programme but Richard is brilliant His mother was so overbearing and controlling, though, that I got annoyed just watching her. But I see how it happens.

That's awful. I'm so glad your friend has you.

A similar thing that at least alters my mood for the better is reading (non ghost-written) autobiographies of people that I admire. It means so much more to me to actually see the whole trajectory of their lives. It's a cliche but it makes them seem more...human, and even makes incredible experiences seem more within reach. You often hear people who are successful in whatever way say "I did x y and z whilst up against all these things", but it's pretty abstract until you can actually get a feel for what that entailed day-to-day, and reading about how much embarrassing/fruitless trial and error stuff they had to go through first. Other times you can just see all the lucky circumstances and situations that these people were in and you remember how many millions of factors are involved in someone turning out a certain way, which is equally freeing and motivating in a sense, because you can learn not to measure yourself up against other people in a nonsensical and illogical way. Ramble over...

Haha! Aw. He looks quite dapper. I like your throw, as well.

Requiem for a Dream

Hi Lots of good advice here! Just wondered how you were getting on with working toward a new job that suits your needs? From what you said it sounds like there will be quite a few options out there. I currently work from home, whilst also studying from home and trying to get well enough so I can do part/full-time paid work out in the world that will get me relevant experience to have alongside my degree. The paid work from home I currently do is, I'll be honest, very menial and repetitive, and low paid (transcription work of pre- and post-edit interviews for TV production companies). I mean, it suits me brilliantly right now, I don't really mind it, but it's definitely not for everyone!!! But there will almost definitely be decently paid work from home jobs in the area you are thinking about. You know what would suit you best, but I think if you can get yourself working in a low-key work environment with some social interaction it's possible that this might be best for your overall health in the long-run. I know how stressful it can be if you're in a bad work environment, though, even if you are well, and there are no shortages of them!

No -- don't give up!!! Do you have/can you cope with any social contact at all now? That's one of the most important things ever, I think, having that contact in a way that you can just about deal with. It is unbelievably bad -- expecially when you have it chronically. I am diagnosed with panic disorder/agoraphobia myself -- that's my official diagnosis since I was about 19. Having this plus isolation, your life completely passing you by whilst everyone probably thinking you're a whinging liar or whatever is just the worst thing... It's like being completely debilitated, but no one has any idea what's going on. It's a nightmare scenario on the level of waking up whilst being operated on. Everyone's oblivious to this hell that's happening to you right in front of their eyes. How are you meant to live life constantly experiencing some kind of OBE? Rant over! If you want to PM, just send me a message... sending you lots of good wishes...

I don't have hallucinations generally, so sorry if I'm out of place here (I probably am). But I've heard psychosis and schizophrenia described as a waking dream, so I can see why dream experiences might seem particularily significant. That's said, I've had some really horrible/bizarre experiences whilst sleeping including sleep paralysis where you wake up feeling paralysed and hallucinating in a half-wake state, lucid dreaming and seeing and feeling myself being physically strangled for nights on end which kept waking me up, and I don't have psychosis. It could be anxiety you may have about your health manifesting itself at night. Mediciations of course could alter your dream states Best wishes