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About Juniper29

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  1. In my early twenties I went through a period of being very religious and I believed I was specially marked for sanctity and that I was having mystical experiences. Then at some point it shifted and I believed I was destined for hell and there was nothing I could do. That was the same time I started believing the government was following me and such. I don't believe I'm a saint or mystic anymore but it's still hard for me to see that as a delusion. I don't know anymore what really happened. It was wonderful though in some ways and I miss it.
  2. Juniper29

    What went well today?

    - It snowed. - I got maintenance to fix the light in my apartment. - I did a puzzle with my son.
  3. Pronounced irritability and anxiety, for me. I'm taking the gabapentin for anxiety so it could just have been recurrence of symptoms, but it was dramatic.
  4. Oh, that's unfortunate. I had trouble even when I tried reducing my dose from 300 to 200 mg.
  5. I've been on Prozac for several years. I started at 10 mg, then 20 mg for months, and then 40 mg for a long time (don't remember how long but maybe a year?). Then my dose was bumped up to 60 mg due to breakthrough depression, stayed on that for a few months, then to 80. It took me at least a month to fully adjust to each dose and for the startup anxiety to go away.
  6. Juniper29

    What went well today?

    Today is going better than yesterday which I spent mostly in bed. So far: - I heard a bunch of birds twittering when I got out of my car this morning - the cashier at the store I went to was friendly - I mopped the living room and kitchen which is a huge achievement for me
  7. They make 100 mg capsules. Can you go down to 200 for a while, and then 100?
  8. Have you tried gabapentin before? It's been the most helpful med for my anxiety that I've tried. I know for some people it does nothing but for some it really works.
  9. Juniper29

    What went well today?

    - I listened to music by my favorite composer. - I checked out an interesting book from the library. - My therapy session was helpful.
  10. I totally am afraid to share them ... I worry all the time that my tdoc and pdoc read what I write here, that government agents are reading it, my family, etc. A lot of my paranoia actually revolves around the internet. The intensity of the fear waxes and wanes; right now it’s not very intense. When I’m really paranoid, I won’t tell anyone what I’m thinking because I believe they’re already reading my thoughts anyway. I guess overall, my need to connect with other people who understand is stronger than my fear? It’s just unbearably lonely otherwise.
  11. I'm not sure how it would be classified but I've had that, definitely. I've also had significant psychomotor slowing at other times. The times when I have racing ruminations and agitation have been when I reached out to suicide hotlines as I get impulsive at those times and do crazy things.
  12. I do the same thing. Glad you're feeling better though!
  13. I've never been hospitalized either. My tdoc says my depression is severe though. IDK, but I doubt you're a wuss.
  14. Ok. Usually when I see articles about "high functioning depression" it seems like what they are really talking about is *mild* depression. I don't see a lot about people like me who have severe depression and yet somehow manage to get the essential things done.... it's always been a puzzle to me how legit screwed up I can be and yet still doing my homework, still taking care of my kid, etc. I don't have a job or support myself though.
  15. How can you tell if someone is "high functioning?" What does that mean exactly? Is it just a matter of being able to go through the motions no matter how messed up you are internally?