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Sam_I_Am

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About Sam_I_Am

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  1. Thanks for your reply. I had my surgery last week, and then re-started the Lamictal (25mg) this past Wed, so I’ve been on it 3 days again. So far, no headaches whatsoever, nor any other side effects. I’m pretty sure the headaches were from the high BP, and the high BP was from extreme anxiety about my surgery.
  2. Edited because too embarrassed. Plus, on the off chance that the person this references ever goes on this page....
  3. Sam_I_Am

    Very ashamed, hit my dog :(

    Thank you so much for your supportive responses. I haven’t had incidents like this since I wrote this. Thanks for not judging.
  4. Please please please.... I am beating myself up for what I did, so if you are going to say something judgmental to me, please don’t say anything. I haven’t been doing well these past few days. I have a surgery coming up I don’t really want to have for a condition that I haven’t really grieved properly yet, and my parents are coming in from out of state to “take care of me,” all of which is triggering my PTSD bad. I’m also working on PTSD in therapy, which is helpful but bringing up shit. I started on Lamictal a few days ago to help, but it made me feel worse (physically with headaches, maybe emotionally too) so my pdoc had me stop until after my surgery, at least. My blood pressure has been all over the place when it’s normally low to normal. I’m dissociating like crazy. My neck is in severe pain (which is a stress reaction for me). Ever since my final appt with my surgeon yesterday, I have had mounting levels of anxiety and panic, alternating with rage and sadness. I think it’s because I got some negative news at my appt that I don’t really want to go into in this post (it’s relatively superficial, but it’s just a reminder of one more thing that I don’t have control over right now). Today, I was frustrated because the second person we hired to clean the house no-showed on us (need the house deep cleaned before surgery and I am just too overwhelmed to handle it), and then my husband took off to run some errands. I because increasingly anxious, just playing around scenarios in my head on a loop, and I couldn’t reach him to find out when he would be home (he sometimes forgets his phone in his car or whatever), which made me more frantic. I started having urges to self harm (hit myself and/or cut myself even though I’ve never really been a cutter), urges to OD on pills in a non-suicidal way but enough to get hospitalized, etc. Instead, I started throwing shit (non-breakable stuff, like pillows mainly), slamming doors, screaming at the top of my lungs, etc. Then I impulsively hit my dog. Not enough to do any damage, a slap on his backside, but enough for him to look at me, like, “WTF?” I then felt super ashamed, on top of everything else I was feeling. It was dinner time for him anyway, so I decided to just feed him. I went to get his food, and I was so pissed/ashamed at myself and needed to get that “out” that I then hurled his food accross the room and there was kibble everywhere on the floor. He just stood there kind of frozen for a couple minutes. We both did. I eventually got him more food and put it in his bowl, and he ate it. I cleaned up the other food, then the dog let me cuddle him for a few minutes and I apologized. When my husband came home, I was crying on the floor, hugging my dog. I told him what happened. He wasn’t thrilled with what happened, but not angry at me, more just concerned. The dog was being distant for the next hour or so, but he’s come around and seems OK. I feel absolutely terrible. I know dogs are resilient and shit, but I feel like such a piece of shit. I also feel like I cannot tell my therapist. About 6 years ago, I hospitalized myself because I had random intrusive thoughts/images of myself hurting my cat—- I didn’t actually want to hurt my cat, but I was very dissociated and flashback-y at the time, so I was worried I would act on impulse. I lied and said I was suicidal to go IP. (It wasn’t too much of a stretch because I felt suicidal for having those thoughts, just didn’t have a plan or intent). When I first met my current therapist and I told her about my IP history, I started to tell her the cat story. She cut me off and said that if I was about to tell her that I hurt my cat, please don’t because she is an animal lover. Well, I hadn’t hurt my cat, so I was able to finish the story, but now I feel like I can’t tell her this....
  5. Well, it’s a moot point at the moment because I stopped taking it temporarily (after my pdoc said to). I’m having surgery in 6 days, went to the doctor for severe neck pain to get muscle relaxer (pain unrelated to the Lamictal or the surgery but I needed to address it bc I’m supposed to avoid nsaids prior to surgery and bc I will already be enough pain from the surgery, not to mention the problems that having to sleep upright could cause my neck ). At the doctor, my blood pressure was through the roof. 170/100 at the doctor, and then 156/128 when the pharmacist took it at Walgreens a couple hours later. (I’m normally 110/70). Both the pharmacist and my pdoc said the Lamictal shouldn’t cause increased BP but can cause headaches. Because of everything else going on with me, pdoc didn’t want me dealing with possible Lamictal side effects on top of everything else, so we will re-try it after my surgery. Then again, the headaches could even be because of such high BP and nothing to do with Lamictal at all. The jaw pain could be BP-related as well. I’ve never had BP problems in my life. I’m still curious, though, if anyone has had teeth grinding or jaw pain from Lamictal.
  6. I swear, I had benefit at 25-50mg last time I took it. I am not really susceptible to placebo effect.... if anything, I have tended to expect meds NOT to work for me. Anything over 100mg (attempted 150mg) made me anxious and agitated
  7. Thanks Iceberg. I also saw my PCP today and got a short term script for robaxin. Hopefully that will help
  8. The oncall surgeon said it’s ok to take the ibuprofen, that it’s more important that I can function and that bleeding risk is small. My surgery won’t be delayed. I probably need something else, like a muscle relaxer for my neck, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it
  9. Thanks. I put in a call to the on-call doctor at the surgeon office. I can’t wait until tomorrow for a response. If they say no, I will probably take it anyway though unfortunately. What other alternative is there?
  10. I’m one week out from my (second) mastectomy with reconstruction for breast cancer. (I am in remission, had a single mastectomy in Mar 2018 after 18 weeks of chemo, but wasn’t allowed to have both breasts taken at the same time, just my surgeon’s protocol and due to the advanced stage of the cancer (stage 3). I have been having HORRENDOUS neck pain for the 10 days (stress induced and history of neck pain due to stress) as well as a severe headache for past two days (from starting Lamictal, which I was given permission to do so close to surgery). Plus, I just started my period for the first time in two months, which means cramps are worse than usual. General guidelines are that you are not *supposed* to take NSAIDS within 14 days before surgery (although my last surgeon said 7 days before surgery, for the original mastectomy, and he actually advised me to take ibuprofen right after surgery to limit dependency on opioids, whereas the new surgeon says no NSAIDS after for 14 days). My question is, Tylenol doesn’t do anything at all for me— for the neck pain, headache, or cramps.... The ONLY thing that works for me OTC is ibuprofen (or Aleve but ibuprofen is better). How bad is it to take ibuprofen close-ish to surgery.... because I already have take it within the 14 day window and intend to still take it. I can’t tolerate this pain and be functional for the next week without something. (The cramps will go away in a couple days, but not sure about the headache or neck pain. I’m also using my klonopin that’s really intended for anxiety to help neck pain in addition to using my medical marijuana and non-pharmacological techniques— ice/cold therapy, stretching, got a massage, self-massage, warm baths). I’m young, healthy (other than Hx of breast cancer at a freakishly young age), and have no bleeding disorder or other medical conditions. Will they deny my surgery for taking ibuprofen a few days prior?
  11. Hello, I just started Lamictal 25mg on Tuesday (for PTSD and BPD symptoms, not bipolar or seizures.... off label use, I know, but I’ve taken it twice before for these purposes with excellent success. It’s actually the only med that ever really helped me, other than sleep or PRN meds). So, ever since yesterday (day 2 of Lamictal), I have had a debilitating headache. Like I can’t focus on doing anything— I have to focus on work, but I have no desire or ability to focus on anything I want or need to outside of work, even watching TV. I also feel that I have been grinding my teeth, as my teeth and jaw kind of hurt, especially when I chew. I also feel slightly wired and speed-y, but I feel like I could tolerate that better if my head wasn’t hurting so much. A cursory internet search shows me that headache and even the teeth grinding can be common side effects. Has anyone ever experienced these, and do they go away? It’s weird because both times I started Lamictal in the past, I did not have any of these effects.
  12. Sam_I_Am

    Sleep Medication Overhaul?

    Thanks for your thoughtful replies. I talked to my pdoc, and she didn’t seem to want to do anything. She said, “well, you have the Trazodone and the Klonopin. That’s all we can do. Try sleepy time tea.” WTF?! I’m fine with not making adjustments right now (especially since we started a new med— Lamictal for PTSD— I want to see if helping my PTSD in general will help my sleep since the two are intertwined), but I thought the tea thing was condescending. Sleepy time tea doesn’t do shit for me— I’ve long since built up any resistance to anything “natural” working. I didn’t even bother telling her about sometimes needing the medical MJ and the melatonin as well as the other stuff. (I have since stopped the melatonin anyhow— I’m having surgery a week from today, and it’s listed as something to avoid in the week before a surgery....something about increasing bleeding risk. I think it was just placebo effect anyway.) I’ll see how my sleep is once I get to the therapeutic dose of Lamictal and get through surgery and the recovery, and then I’ll push the sleep issue, if I have to. Thanks again.
  13. Sam_I_Am

    Sleep Medication Overhaul?

    It’s an option I’ve never tried, but I honestly do not want to mention that to my pdoc unless she mentioned it first, in which case I’d still be wary. I’m already on one benzo, and she isn’t thrilled with me being on both Klonopin and medical marijuana even though I use them technically for different purposes. I feel drug seeking asking for Restoril, nor do I really want to be on a second benzo. That is probably going to be my next recommendation/request. I don’t really have PTSD-nightmares per se.... I have nightmares/ stress dreamas,, and my PTSD affects my sleep in that sleep itself is a PTSD trigger, but I don’t have actual nightmares about the traumas except extremely rarely. But it would make the most sense as an add on. However, my pdoc didn’t seem thrilled about making any dose adjustments, changes, or additions regarding sleep (which is just as well because I just started on Lamictal at that visit, so I’d like to only make one change at a time). Hello, fellow insomniac! I actually did take Seroquel before— I mentioned it in my OP, it was just embedded in between a bunch of other text. It caused sleep eating, which I didn’t really care for, and made me too groggy. I guess I could consider it in conjunction with the Trazodone (however, as mentioned above in response to someone else, my pdoc doesn’t want to make any changes to my sleep cocktail at presnt). I haven’t tried or considered Belsomnra. I guess it’s worth considering if and when my pdoc is willing to make changes to my sleep cocktail. I’m a little hesitant because it’s similar enough to Ambien and other z-drugs, and those don’t seem to knock me out. I’m not sure my pdoc would go for me taking yet another controlled substance though. Hey there, Thanks for your response. My memory has always been fine with benzos. As for switching benzos, as noted above, I am extremely hesitant in asking for a specific benzo or specific controlled substance because I feel like a drug seeker. I may need something different from klonopin. Problem is, klonopin helps me during the day, and the short acting ones wear off too quickly. I don’t think she’d give me one for day time use and one for nightttime use. The Sinequan is worth exploring, never really heard much about it. And you are a second vote for bellsomra. I have tried Rozerem in the past when it first came out, and that was a sugar pill for me. Much like melatonin is a sugar pill for me, when used alone. Hell, I think it’s a sugar pill/placebo effect for me now. I’ve done all the “natural” stuff— Valerian, Kava Kava, lemon balm, chamomile— and some supplements with combinations of those. Those things don’t do a damn thing for me unfortunately. Hey Iceberg, thanks for the suggestion. I actually do this already (unless I needed to take 1mg earlier in the day, then I’ll go over my allotted two if I did that). I try to avoid this because I want to keep my tolerance as minimal as possible. (I know I already have a bad tolerance, as the 1mg, even with another 1mg a few hours before, barely has any effect on me).
  14. I think, at minimum, the 12 step meetings are key, especially since you have no other therapeutic support, at least that you mentioned. Are you in therapy? That would be beneficial as well, possibly more so than the meetings IMO. I know there are other short term medications that can help with PAWS, so that’s worth exploring with your pdoc if they are versed in addiction medicine. Is suboxone an option for you, even if only on a short term basis (like a tapering dose, not a maintenance dose)? I think think you were benefit from involvement in an IOP. It’s not impossible to do this alone, but statistics are not in your favor without some kind of therapeutic interventions in place. I hope you are doing well.
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