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Antecedent

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  1. Antecedent

    Anger Management fail

    Thanks for taking the time to reply Cerberus, I appreciate it.
  2. Antecedent

    Anger Management fail

    It wasn't so much that your advice wasn't welcome so much as the insistence that I follow it and your attack on my life and my thoughts and my philosophy and my goals. I said thanks but no thanks and got really pushy and you even told me my therapy goals were unrealistic. I̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶g̶l̶a̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶e̶l̶s̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶V̶I̶C̶I̶O̶U̶S̶.̶ ̶I still can't believe you haven't apologised, not for your initial advice and perspective, which I still appreciate, but for this relentless insistence that I am wrong about my life (and that my counsellor is wrong and that my anger management books are wrong). I have apologised numerous times for my part in this and at no point have you acknowledged the fact that you being so rude ". I'm skeptical" " I think the goal you have set for yourself is unrealistic. " "I still feel like I'm right, again based on years of living. " If you knew my life you would realise how monumentally wrong and unfollowable and your advice would be applied to my life and my situation, seriously, what your therapist told you in your situation based on a lot of knowledge of you is not relevant to me and your (almost) zero knowledge of me and your therapist would never have said those words to me, believe me. D̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶s̶ I felt very hurt when you said these things because for me to be told I could train myself to deal with anger and not act on it was to be offered a life line by therapy and books and ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶e̶l̶s̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶u̶n̶r̶e̶a̶l̶i̶s̶t̶i̶c̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶b̶a̶s̶i̶c̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶n̶o̶ ̶h̶o̶p̶e̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶?̶ ̶D̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶i̶z̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶s̶?̶ when I read you saying that this life line was unrealistic what that meant to me was that there was no hope for me. I have this tightness in my chest from it from the fear that you are right because I spent decades beliving what you said, that anger is healthy, and anger just ruined so much of my life. I lost so many friends, i spent years without friends, i lost a relationship (it was doomed anyway, but that still casts a shadow over the current one), and as I said i'm on the point of losing my current job and as i put in my blog my partner told me if i don't sort this anger problem out he'd leave me and then you come along and tell me it's impossible and give up and i say basically "thanks but no thanks" and you say "i still feel like i'm right" t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶r̶u̶d̶e̶.̶ ̶I I did not have good feelings when I read that. I really want y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶r̶n̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ to help you understand but it doesn't seem like i'm getting through. i really don't want to cause any upset to you but i̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶r̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶o̶k̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶*̶*̶*̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶h̶o̶p̶e̶.̶ I felt as though someone were s***ing on my only hope and it was not a good feeling and I would feel better if i knew you understood that because right now your not understanding this is making me feel... i don't know how to say it... frustrated, the way people feel when they are gaslit, though i know your intention is not to gaslight *edit: tried to cross out the angry language and rephrase this using anger management skills making it about my feelings and not about you and what you did, left in the original because of your feelings about anger
  3. Antecedent

    Tdoc soon. I packed a bag, just in case.

    You're not a failure, you're a fighter. I would say that when in doubt tell the truth, I'd rather regret telling the truth than regret telling a lie. Will be thinking of you and hoping for you for the next hour or so
  4. Antecedent

    Anger Management fail

    i feel calm now and i really want to delete that post but you guys think that anger is valuable so i'll leave it I really don't think that was valuable, i didn't say anything that wasn't already in the thread and i did misrepresent your positions and attack you and get overly defensive and do all the things i do when i'm angry, and i wasn't even that angry, if i had gotten really angry i wouldn't be calm yet and i'd be still crying and pacing around 40 minutes later and i might have broken something the other problem with that is because it's an attack people might feel they need to defend themselves and so this will just keep going when the discussion really should have ended when i basically said "thanks but no thanks". I firmly believe people have the right to say no to advice, or to anything for that matter.
  5. Antecedent

    Anger Management fail

    I never asked for advice, and you are trying to force it on me. And yes I am working on this in my anger management part of therapy, hence the thread. That was a very snide and nasty remark to make when it is obviuos from the context that that is exactly what I am working on, that plus the fact taht I specifically said earlier that i knew taht percieving i was being controlled was one of my triggers and that i am ususlalyy wron gabout it. Why don't you just say "go take your happy pills" while you are at it!? you know i am doing my best, oh no, you don't, you think what i am doing is not good enough because it is not what you think i should do and want to make sure i know that i'm f***ing it all up this is a CONFESSIONAL i CONFESSED something. And people give advice in blogs as well.... I WORK WITH MANY RACISTS AND I WILL LOSE MY JOB IF I GET ANGRY AT THEM Can you udnerstand that? I am allowed to calmly discuss with them or tell them I disagree or I am allowed to let it go IF I GET ANGRY I WILL LOSE MY JOB And someone comes in here telling me no no no, anger is healthy, you should have it, you were right to get angry at those racists I have already gotten warnings about this, if I get another one there is a really good chance I will be fired But no no no, the mods are teh god damned expert and you get to insult me and gang up on me because i didn't treat one of you like a magical oracle who can see into my life and offer me advice whether asked for or not Why do you want me to be unemployed? Do you not think people with anger issues shoudl have jobs? Is that it? Why do you want me to destroy my life by doing what I did in this post? And then you tell be to basically f*** off your board and onto my blog, but all i did was what the purpose of this board is, I confessed a mistake. So I'm not welcome here unless i treat everyone as if they were some kind of magical all seeing oracle that somehow knew about my life and what i should do based on a short post. Do you come here to support people or do you come here to stroke your own ego and feel like an expert? and I am very very very angry right now I am sure you are both delighted because you want me to be angry, was that the purpose of all of this pushyness/ all of this forcing your world view and yoru philosophy on to me? Was it to make me angry and make me see that i am a complete and utter failure and i will never ever ever manage to deal with this and i might as well just quit my job and quit college nad give up on all my dreams because anger will follow me everywhere because i am always going to meet people like you who just can't live and let live and have to have everyone agree with them on everything and have everyone think all their opinions are brilliant and universally and objectively ture I really really feel ganged up on. what is the point in being here if it is just a board to give bad advice and get people fired. I had the "anger is healthy" philosophy my entire life and it destroyed relationships and friendships and jobs and now you are telling me to hold onto it, thanks, that's great advice, sure, i'll follow it, wonderful self rigthous anger is just as toxic as all other kinds of anger, i am feeling loads of it right now, i should thank you for giving me a chance to practice trying to talk myself out of this. I'd rather delete my account and never come back but thanks to my anger management i know that by doing that i would be hurting myself in order to hurt you (even though you would just roll your eyes) and that it is a form of passive aggression that would really not help anything* *that's not the only reason why someone might delete their account, it just just the reason why I would do it at this moment and it is 100% personal for me and anyone who has thought about doing this, don't think that I would think that about you, it is just something i know about myself
  6. Antecedent

    How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Angry ha ha I'm angry at my college course for being so spiritual. I'm resolving to educate my damn self and just use the course for the piece of paper I'll get at the end.
  7. Antecedent

    Anger Management fail

    Sorry for suggesting you wanted to control me, it's just I see that everywhere. you didn't want to control me you just wanted me to accept your advice and go against what feels right for me at this point in my life and do what you say instead because what you say is better for me and you want what's better for me. That is really kind, as I said before it is good having people who care and want good things for me. You have more years of living your life, you have 0 years, 0 minutes, 0 seconds of living my life, I gotta make my own mistakes, sorry! I am probably doing the wrong thing and I'll probably regret it, but there is no such thing as a regret free life and the worst regrets are the ones when you acted in bad faith by not doing what you thought was right at the time
  8. Antecedent

    Anger Management fail

    I fully understand your points but I am not really looking for advice, especially as you don't know the full story, you don't know what I do for a living etc. etc. I hope this doesn't come off as rude, I really don't mean it to, I really appreciate that someone is trying to help me, but you don't have the necessary information to form an opinion on what kinds of decisions I should be making or what kinds of philosophies I should be taking on. I know you didn't mean to, and this might be me being over sensitive, but it is coming over as a little pushy, like you really really want me to say that I'm wrong and adapt my world view to fit yours... and.. well... you know.... feeling like people are trying to control me is one of my anger triggers and as a result I see it everywhere, often where it isn't, so I apologise if this is totally off base. At the same time I do want you to know that I really appreciate you taking the time to listen to me and to reply to my posts
  9. Antecedent

    Anger Management fail

    Yeah maybe it is helpful for people who haven't got any to see the value of anger, but anger is ruining my life, i nearly lost my job, it is putting my relationship with my partner at risk, there is no place for it in my life any more and I have to evict it. I can protest and voice my opinion without relying on anger, though I do agree being angry makes it easier to do that, the problem is my anger gets out of control and does far more damage than work every time it's let out it's good to have a house cat or maybe even a lynx living with you, maybe even a mountain lion paying the odd visit is ok, so long as it stays in the garden, but there's this Siberian tiger that has set up shop in my bath and I can't get rid of him
  10. Antecedent

    Anger Management fail

    You are probably right, most of my anger isn't justified though, and it all seems equally justified until afterwards. Even if my anger is justified sometimes, it doesn't mean it is ever helpful for me, for anyone else, or necessary.
  11. Antecedent

    Anger Management fail

    Another fail today. shouted at some racists. Not that I wish I hadn't engaged with the racists, that I should have let it go, i just think it would have gone better if i'd stayed calm
  12. Someone said to me a few weeks ago "Everyone has something to offer, even if it's a smile" and I thought that was so true and so beautiful. It seems like these elderly people you come into contact with are still able to offer you and each other something. When someone treats us with kindness and understanding it feels so wonderful. A lot of the best things we can offer each other aren't big and dramatic like brain surgery or firefighting. MIs usually settle down with time, I don't know if it's because people learn loads of skills to deal with them or because whatever underlying biological thing is causing them settles down, maybe it's both, either way I think there are lots of reasons to feel hopeful about old age.
  13. Hang on, is this something people will be able to take when they get an episode of depression, like how xanax works with anxiety, or like a usual anti-d, something that people have to take every day?
  14. Antecedent

    Anger Management fail

    Consistent consistent failing at this.. Just had a screaming match at a pedestrian on my bicycle. I am sad because he had a dog with him so it would have been so easy to stop and compliment the dog and then explain to him gently why he was wrong, why very very wide pedestrian area was large enough for the both of us and the doggie, and why cycling there and not on the very dangerous road to the left where several cyclists have been knocked down is the safest option for everybody. IT could have gone so so well and he woudl have learned something about road safety and about starting fights when yo udon't have all the information but NO i had to scream and shout at him like an absolute... who even shouts like that? Like Connor McGreggor without the racisim? Like a viral video of someone having a bad day? WHEN am I going to internalize these lessons. Just in case yuo think this might have been in any way my fault, it really is an incredibly wide pedestrian area, say about 6 cars in width, and I was no where near him when he started shouting and gesturing at me to get onto the busy road instead You guys who are going through or have gone through anger management.. have you managed to walk the walk? The Cow in the PArking lot* described anger as a tennant in my head that I have to evict, but every now and then he will come back in unannounced and just start wrecking things and I'll have to keep evicting him, it will be an ongoing thing, i can't change teh locks, but the idea is he'll come back less often as he gets the message that I live with someone else now *this is the name of a book, I do not know any talking Cows unfortunately
  15. Antecedent

    random thoughts!

    yes! Well I don't really know any of his philosophy but his psychology is cool, but I guess back then it was the same thing?
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