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Everything posted by Antecedent

  1. When in doubt, I hope this helps: Just say "I'm sorry, is it ok if...." e.g. "I look at your tattoo?" or "I'm sorry, if I am bothering you tell me to go away" or "am I bothering you?" or "are you sure I'm not annoying?" or "tell me to go away and I will!" assuming they weren't invited to join the conversation to begin with, nice guys say this stuff all the time and one of them is now my boyfriend. They double, triple, quadruple check that you aren't just being polite (or afraid!) and that you are genuinely ok with them having come up to you to talk to you. I don't think the people who told the first two stories expected anything to be done, I think they just wanted to share a story about something that made them uncomfortable and an example of what not to do. In fairness i even know a guy who was "a bit of a player" who STILL did this because just because yes he had lots of sex and yes consent was still INCREDIBLY important to him, as it is to any decent person! So doing this doesn't make you look weak or any of that made up nonsense from PUA and other communities that worry looking for consent means reducing your chances of having sex. Edit: NEVER say: "I'm not going to hurt you" That is one of the scariest things and I can't even count how many times strange men have said this to me. On the face of it it looks nice, right? Oh good, he's not going to hurt me. Nuh-uh. Terrifying.
  2. Antecedent

    Hate the holidays? This is a safe thread.

    it's dark for about 20 hours a day here, so i like the winter lights, i agree that the christmas side of it is far too in your face, but i think the lights are necessary to try to get us through the darkest part of the year. It ends up having the opposite effect, all this focus on christmas makes people so depressed
  3. Antecedent


    ha ha ha I LOVE this. If you can't handle me at my worst, go to the cinema, I'll be asleep when you come back because screaming is exhausting
  4. Antecedent

    casual jokes about your MI

    Yeah I think when it's friends doing it, it is nice, very normalizing. Depends on how it's done, sometimes I feel like the emphasis is on encouraging you to change but trying to be polite by pretending it's a joke, and that's different, I don't like that. But I might be too sensitive to non-existent criticism? Yeah I agree with Fluent in Silence, I love the forum names!
  5. They are so wonderful! We could really use a pets board, they are such a huge part of our lives and they are the source of so much happiness and worry. I think the ratio of happiness to worry is about 100/1, unlike with children where it looks like it's the reverse! Your kitty sounds really lucky to have you They are so mad when they are young... and for the first 10 years or so!
  6. How long does it take to know if you can work with a therapist? If your gut tells you to find someone else should you trust it or stick it out, in your experience? Thanks guys
  7. Thanks guys, I think I'll make this dreaded upcoming session the last one.
  8. Antecedent

    so powerful....*sick*

    I don't know Kati Morton has some free workbooks for ED on her site but I find the whole thing hard to navigate (https://www.katimorton.com/ currently down for maintenance)
  9. Antecedent

    I eat toilet tissue

    I have been doing this for years and can't stop. My whole life in fact. I try to spit it out when I find myself doing it but then I'm doing it again. At the moment I'm trying to chew gum to stop me doing it but I can't chew gum all the time e.g. at work. I have a constant sore throat, possibly from the bleach, and I know it can block up your intestines and kill you if you swallow enough of it. Gah. I don't know how to stop. Ideas?
  10. Minimizing pain and suffering of myself and other living beings. That's for me personally, then as humans I love that we are a tiny but conscious piece of the universe trying to understand itself, I can't remember where I read that, but it is very meaningful. Part of the universe woke up and said "What am I?" Why else do we worry so much about the purpose of it all instead of just our own individual purposes.
  11. Antecedent

    Grief scrapbook

    Thanks you guys *hugs*
  12. Antecedent

    Grief scrapbook

    Is this a thing? Or something like it? If so can someone recommend me the name ? What I want is something like a workbook with memory prompts and thought prompts dedicated to one person that died. (Every time someone you love dies you make a new book) So for example on page 1 you put the person's name and details On page 2 you describe your relationship with this person On page 3 you talk about a film or book or TV show or video game you remember watching together or talking about together On page 4 you talk about a day out or other activity you shared together etc. etc. On page 5 you remember something that belonged to them, as simple as an item of clothing you remember them wearing or as complex as their favorite possession in the world It doesn't have to be something like that exactly, anything that will help me have something other than pain and regret honoring this person in my mind, I want to give the happy memories equal place with the agony at his loss. I want the warmth and love to be as salient as the gross injustice of it all.
  13. I'm reading Furiously Happy, it's good. I do like her as a person and I like her philosophy of life and her hobbies but the comedy is kind of repetitive so I would like if someone could just earmark the chapters about mental health for me so I could skip the rest heh, ah well it's a quick read and the chapters are short and I do probably laugh out loud once every 2 chapters so what am I being so fussy for?
  14. what the others said, read as much about autism as possible and check out the #actuallyAutistic community online who are wonderful wonderful people. And check out Amythest Shaber she is the best :) https://www.youtube.com/user/neurowonderful
  15. my job lets me work part time and my hours are somewhat flexible, I can only do jobs like this nowadays
  16. My ideas: Find a balance between what you love and what is practical for you to do. E.g. working as a private language tutor is a low stress job where you decide your own hours and work as many or as few hours a week as you like. Working as a counselor is potentially a high stress job but again you decide your own hours. What about something with seasonal work? If it is learning for the sheer love of learning, does it have to be a masters? What about all the free courses online? What about all the affordable ones? If it is about prestige, spend that money on a rolex instead But I don't know, I think this is definitely the sort of thing where it's ok to follow your heart, assuming the financial burden is something you can handle
  17. Antecedent

    Does your therapist take notes?

    I would have to take notes if I wanted to listen to someone talking about something really important, my working memory is very poor. I would write down details that seemed important, so I could go back to them later without interrupting you. Like if you were talking about the grief of losing a pet, and you mentioned in passing losing your grandfather as a child, I would not want to forget to ask you about your grandfather later, but I wouldn't want to interrupt you talking about the grief of losing your pet, and I wouldn't be able to hold it in my working memory and listen to you at the same time. I often feel like I need a notepad even with my friends! On the other hand, my declarative memory is fine, so I would remember what we talked about the next time we met... assuming of course I wasn't meeting 6 people a day! Legally you are allowed to look at the notes if you really want to. People can't keep data about you secret from you, even something like this. It sounds like this person wasn't a good fit and I wish you better luck with the next one
  18. Antecedent

    My mom died.

    Ah! I'm so glad I went back and re-read it then! I have to be more careful. Totally my fault. *Hugs or warm handshakes, whichever you prefer*
  19. Antecedent

    My mom died.

    Sorry if that seemed snarky, it was meant to be funny
  20. Antecedent

    My mom died.

    Oh sorry, I got a notification for this thread which I thought was a new notification, I must have accidentally clicked on an old one. Since February this has changed and now people stop loving their loving parents and bonds are easily broken. I apologize for posting out of date information.
  21. Antecedent

    My mom died.

    All you can do is keep her with you. You will think of her often, and you'll never stop loving her. Bonds do not break with death.
  22. There was a sign in my school that said something like "Aim for the moon, if you fail you'll land in the stars" I think this is so true. The lady who waxes my legs sometimes owns her own business doing eyebrows, nails, all that stuff. She's really successful and making a great living, and she likes her job because she can chat to all kinds of people. You know what she studied originally? Medicine! Do you think that was a waste of time? No way, what if I go in with a weird mole on my leg? What if I have an ingrown hair? Someone else would miss these things. Who in my city do you think is the best at keeping her beauty instruments sterile? And of course she sailed through the anatomy and physiology segment of beauty college. You are young so this might actually not sound that great to you, but believe me, being happy and being in good company and being financially secure and knowing that you are great at what you do is far more important than having a high status job that might not have turned out to be all you thought it would be. She landed in the stars. It might take a while, but you will too (or you might land on the moon... actually this doesn’t make a lot of sense astronomically but it's a great metaphor) Hey check out memrise for mandarin, it's very cool. https://www.memrise.com/courses/english/chinese/
  23. I can read but not write or spell too well. This has gotten a lot better with time. I still can't do handwriting. I was diagnosed with dyslexia as a kid. apparently that isn't a symptom of dyslexia, I don't know if this is true. The front of my eye covery thingy is flat, which causes letters to connect to each other and look like other letters sometimes.. an optician can sort that out if it's that. Maybe I'm wrong and it can be part of dyslexia.
  24. I usually have 5 or 6 books on the go at a time, read a page or two of one, swap to another. This is with non-fiction, normally I just have one fiction. Before goodreads I found it really hard to finish a book, but now I like adding them to the list, I get a real kick out of it, so I can finish books I interrupt people and finish their sentences and can't stop myself jumping in to other people's conversations sometimes when they are interesting or WRONG about something.. like the lady who I heard utter the words "It's the smart version of Autisim" ... WHAT My moods tend to change at the drop of a hat.. very low emotional inertia you could say. They also tend to be really extreme, according to my BF.. I thought this was normal, he said he never saw anyone cry like me in his life and he's nearly 40. I cry like actresses on TV cry when they find out their children are gone. I can be really irritable Every flatmate I ever had had to sit me down and talk to me about leaving the oven on or the hobs on or the gas on. It never did any good. I can have an irritated tone of voice because it seems urgent to get the information out quickly, and I upset people I often zone out while people are speaking, even when I am interested or it's important or both I sometimes lose my train of thought in the middle of a sentence I leave my keys in the front door for anyone to just walk in I leave the back door wide open I boil the kettle to do the wash up, start doing the washing up.. start doing something else.. water is cold by the time I get back to the wash up, if i get back to it I tend to half do a household chore and then this feeling starts, I call it the buzzing, I get it when I write as well (I've dyxlexia) it's like a restless feeling but i know restlessness it's not restlessness.. I feel like if I keep doing it my head will start bleeding so I move onto another one... I tell myself Ill do the other half the next day but I never do usually My autopilot is unreliable and will do strange things or break down completely if interrupted I can NOT concentrate on the road when I'm cycling (this is why I refuse to learn to drive a one tonne weapon of mass destruction called a "car") I won't watch a movie in one sitting unless I have to. I am completely addicted to my phone and can not seem to control this, furthermore I knew it would happen so I waited ages before getting a smart phone. If I listen to audiobooks or online talks etc. I need them to be sped up or I can't concentrate Yeah I get depressed and have had delusions during depression in the past I can't tell what order things happened in when I remember them, I have trouble gageing how much time has passed I have almost no working memory so I am bad at tasks that require that. So for example in school I was ok at algebra and linear programming because you could see it so you didn't have to hold anything in working memory, I could do maths where every step was pretty stand alone and didn't require you to remember anything about the previous step, but once it did, I was lost. This meant I couldn't do certain things that were supposed to be "easy" and I could do certain things that were supposed to be "hard" I always score really low in IQ tests because I'm 1/3 of the way through when time is up, like so low that if that was my actual intelligence I couldn't live on my own. If I am concentrating on something and someone interrupts me I feel really disconcerted and sometimes really angry, like it's star trek and I just got teleported to an alien ship against my will with no warning. I haven't got a dx because my country is really backwards in terms of that, I'm an adult but they want to interview my parents and see all my old school reports from 25 years ago.